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Repent!

Repent!

The Rapture is upon us (according to a man in the US) so, as shown in the Simpsons, I will soon be 'left below', as will, I imagine, many of my fellow board users.

Anyone else have a sudden urge not to do any of their accounts/tax backlogs, given the world as we know it won't exist on Monday?

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By mwngiol
19th May 2011 16:53

Rapture??

I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, but I assume it's something to do with some completely insane ramblings by a total nutter? :P

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By Monsoon
19th May 2011 16:56

Rapture exempt

I have a rapture exemption and but will not be working on Monday due to the bank holiday, if that helps?

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19th May 2011 17:09

There isn't a bank holiday on Monday!

 ... so see you down here next week Monsoon!

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By Flash Gordon
19th May 2011 17:19

Scared of heights anyway!

I'm not feeling particularly rapturous so I'll stay put too. But I hope the world won't end on Monday, I've plenty of things I've not done with my life yet and 3 days just isn't enough!

But maybe I should email a client and say that they won't be getting their accounts tomorrow after all?!

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19th May 2011 17:21

I will be OK . . .

. . . I filed my P35 yesterday!

As for the rest of you - get the T-shirt here!

This really should be quite simple for accountants like us.  In the Bible it says 1,000 years is one day to God.  God made reference to 7 days, by which he means 7,000 years.  The flood (remember Noah?) was in 4990 BC - which naturally was 6,023 years after creation in 11013 BC.  Count forward 7,000 years from 4990 BC and you get 2011 AD (it would have been last year, but there was no year zero).

You probably noticed the Great Tribulation begin in 1988, exactly 13,000 years after creation.  The GT runs for 23 years and that's up on Monday.

So this is it, guys!  The detailed computations, if you want to check them, are here.

If you are not in the club on Monday then you have 5 months of bad times coming until the end of the world on 21 October.  Ear plugs and asbestos underwear may be useful.  You may even be compelled to endure continuous repeats of Eurovision Song Contest broadcasts from the past 13,000 years . . . Angleterre nil points!

David

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19th May 2011 18:18

David said the G word!

But I think he got away with it.

Life's too boring much of the time so it's good to get a scare every now & then.  As my wife & I travelled to Rome last week I read in the paper that back in 1919 (I think) someone had predicted an earthquake in Rome on the day we left the UK.  A huge chunk of the population decided to quit the city (G knows what the traffic would have been like if they hadn't!), but Mad Dogs & Englishmen etc we arrived & survived.

There must have been some sort of Dr Who thing though as Spain was hit by one....think on't

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19th May 2011 18:25

i knew someone would link god to mlr and had a fairly good idea

i blame jesus he should never have overturned the tables at the temple

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19th May 2011 18:44

I should be so lucky

With just 3 days left what are the things I really must do ? 

Well this site gives me an idea (50 of them actually) http://uk.askmen.com/women/top50/index.html - so much to do and so little time left to do it in :)

 

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20th May 2011 08:56

That's what worries me

It is mathmatically based, so that makes it true!  The foundation of my life is 'if you can prove it with maths it is right!', therefore my world has been rocked!

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20th May 2011 09:49

Mmmm ... tempting not to bother with these management accounts .

 but I seem to have lived through a few armegeddon's in my life already and quite frankly they have been a bit dissapointing. Not wishing to disrespect anyones religion but they could all have benefited from an accountant's advice at the outset. 'So, G, when you said 7 days did you like mean 7 days or some other arbitrary measure cos its going to cause confusion ... lets agree some terms of reference and stick to them shall we?!'

 

Personally, I haven't got loads more on my wish list and if it is to be Monday I won't feel like I've wasted my time.

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20th May 2011 10:51

Birthday

My daughter is surprisingly happy that the world is purported to be ending on her birthday - but has asked that she gets her presents first thing just in case!

One more bit of advice then I have to go and make a chocolate mousse cake for her celebrations tomorrow - but is there any point? I shall definitely be down below - better pop into M&S for some asbestos underwear later today!

Cathy

 

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20th May 2011 12:14

Chocolate mousse cake

If we (and the cake) are still here could you send us some on Tuesday?

David

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20th May 2011 12:14

I'm not bothered - We have Flash on our side

3 days to go - more than enough time for Flash to save the earth.

He's for everyone of us
Stand for everyone of us
He'll save with a mighty hand
Every man every woman
Every child - with a mighty flash
 

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By Flash Gordon
20th May 2011 12:27

Saviour of the universe

Sadly I've decided not to save everyone after all - but if Cathy saves me a slice of cake she'll be top of the list :) I thought I'd run an Olympics style auction for places actually so if you all send me large wadges of used £50s by close of Sunday I'll let you know on Tuesday if I'm saving you!!!

 

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20th May 2011 12:47

Now that's entrepreneurship

Flash

can i owe it to you?

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By Flash Gordon
20th May 2011 13:04

Brought forward

Hate to scare you folks but according to the Daily Mail (so it must be true) the end of the world starts tomorrow at 6pm (although we may have until October to actually die from the earthquakes - more time than Ming gave me!). 

So money by midnight tonight and sorry but as I insist on full payment before I start work there'll be no IOUs accepted...... 

 

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20th May 2011 13:14

For once

I have to agree with the Daily Mail.  The world is going to end on 21 May, which is Saturday not Monday.

Thanks for pointing this out.  It would be a shame for the world to end on Saturday and me not to have noticed.

I understand it's closing time at 6p.m. but does anyone know which time zone?  I am hoping that armageddon is working to US time, otherwise I shall miss Dr Who at 6:45 - which would be a pity!

David

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20th May 2011 13:32

Don't panic there may still be a week or so!

These calculations don't appear to take account of the fact that we changed from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar along the way, when 11 days were just discarded.  So it's just possible that we're actually not quite on empty!

Incidentally, that's why the tax year now ends on 6th April.  Prior to the change it ended on the 25th March (Lady Day).

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20th May 2011 13:47

I have to admit . . .

I did wonder if they had taken that into account - now how sad is that!

So now we are OK until May 32nd?

David

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20th May 2011 13:51

Tut - I hate indecision!

 There is another sign though .... I think you will find that Cathy's chocolate cake is commonly referred to as Death by Choclate or Devils food cake. Its a sign I say .... A SIGN .... wooo haa ha.

 

Really glad I did the independent investigation for the village church this year .... these things have to count!

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20th May 2011 13:53

Depends

Hate to scare you folks but according to the Daily Mail (so it must be true) the end of the world starts tomorrow at 6pm

 

 

Posted by Flash Gordon on Fri, 20/05/2011 - 13:04

 

 

Actually, it could end at 5.45 for Birmingham City fans if Blackpool manage to grab a point against United.  It ended a week ago for West Ham fans (well actually at the start of the season but theyve been in denial).

 

 

 

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20th May 2011 14:04

I thought...

... the change in calendars had been taken care of in the origianl calc.

And the American Preacher who I have got this from (via the web) said it would be at 6pm in each time zone, implying Australia will be able to tell us how things are going a good few hours in advance of it reaching us.

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21st May 2011 19:23

Dull and wet

It's dull and wet - God's judgement has been a bit of an anticlimax. When's the next armageddon due?

And in the meantime, where's the chocolate mousse cake?

David

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21st May 2011 23:05

.

And the American Preacher who I have got this from (via the web) said it would be at 6pm in each time zone, implying Australia will be able to tell us how things are going a good few hours in advance of it reaching us.

 

Posted by Constantly Confused on Fri, 20/05/2011 - 14:04

 

It ended a while back in Australia, when they lost the Ashes.  Have you ever been to Australia? Try tavelling from Perth to Sydney, the world might not have ended but in the middle part of Australia you really wouldnt know the difference.

David, leave the chocolate mousse alone or it really will "be the end" when all those saturated fats start settling in your arteries.

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24th May 2011 12:29

Rescheduled

The 'rapture' has been rescheduled. 

According to the preacher who predicted judgement day on 21 May, God has decided it should be on 21 October instead.

It seems that the world was always due to end finally on 21 October and God has decided to save the bad guys (including myself) five months of torment and leave us to carry on sinning till the lights finally go out.

So enjoy!!

David

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24th May 2011 12:35

Well, he's the boss!

 God that is .... not the preacher who is clearly a self-publicist on the make!

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24th May 2011 13:45

I wonder if anyone actually died on 21 May, thinking (incorrectly) that it was the rapture.  That would be quite a way to go.

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24th May 2011 14:49

Boy

There was a poor boy who celebrated the Rapture not having happened by jumping into a river and drowning (I assume the second part was an accident).

I can't find the story at the moment though.

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24th May 2011 15:03

when i had my epiphany at Bethany

this wasnt mentioned

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24th May 2011 15:20

It was Flash

He's too modest to mention it but I am sure it was Flash who saved us.

Though if it's only temporary then I want some of my dosh back!

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