Whinger
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Silly questions 1.

Silly questions 1.

I love my clients, I really do. They are the sun and the moon to me.... ;oj

But sometimes I am left speechless.

So this week I picked up some paperwork. While I'm standing there, holding the box of files and a carrier bag of receipts, the client (whom I love more than air....) says "so, what will the tax bill be?"

"Well," says I, "I'm not sure. I'll have to open the files and work on it".

"Yes but, you must have a rough idea?"

So, bit naughty and a sarcastic, (I know. sorry), I held the box up as if I'm testing the weight of it. Wiggle it a bit, and say "Well, I think going on the weight of the stuff, I'd reckon round about £1,900......"

"ah ok that's ok" he says.

Anyways, I've just finished, and his tax bill is £1,919.22.

No doubt I'll get told off for being £19.22 out on my estimate.

But I'm wondering whether to bother doing accounts anymore and just go by weight of the books.......

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26th Jan 2013 13:18

I can't wait ....

... to see how accurate you are next year ;)

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By Flash Gordon
26th Jan 2013 14:19

Increase your estimate

and once you've done the work and the real figure is lower tell him you've managed to save him £x through your sheer talent and masterfulness. He'll be well impressed and you can inflate your fees for the next year. Repeat this process on an annual basis!

Don't you just love them :)

 

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By Whinger
30th Jan 2013 08:32

@flashgordon

Flash Gordon wrote:

and once you've done the work and the real figure is lower tell him you've managed to save him £x through your sheer talent and masterfulness. He'll be well impressed and you can inflate your fees for the next year. Repeat this process on an annual basis!

Don't you just love them :)

 

I do often over estimate the tax to be on the safe side but one year there was a capital expense which they hadn't told me about until after my estimate. This basically wiped off about £10,000 off the tax bill. So I said "mmm let me take a look at this tax bill, (which they were quite happy about) and went back to them with the new figure.

I did not charge anymore of course.

I do feel a bit guilty though as a week later an extremely kind reference appeared on my LinkedIn page and I received a brand new ipad as a gift!

I have told them I was playing and I had done nothing special, but they think I'm ace. Oh we'll, that will all come crashing down next year.

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By redman7
26th Jan 2013 17:02

I wonder if he'll halve the paperwork he gives you next year to try and cut the tax bill ?!

 

 

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By jem
26th Jan 2013 17:03

Thank you for making me smile

 

 

Made my day!

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26th Jan 2013 17:15

Clearly

you are a genius and they know it.

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26th Jan 2013 20:15

The psychic accountant!!

Wow, that is very impressive predicting of a tax bill!  You could make a lot of money taking over from Mystic Meg :)

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By Triggle
26th Jan 2013 20:55

Have you factored in the payments on account made/to be made? If so, that's thrice brilliant!

EDIT: The client I'm working on at the moment is a retired gentleman who has two rental properties, a state pension and a teacher's pension. The combined weight of the pension P60 and the A4 sheet of paper he provided containing his rental and state pension details is 8gms.

What do you reckon?

 

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By Whinger
30th Jan 2013 08:25

@Triggle. Mmmm. Tricky....
Mmmmm. A tricky one. I'm finding I need to actually FEEL the paperwork; to get its "accounting karma" as it were.

I'm thinking, £2,978.34.

No wait. £2,978.36.

Ish..

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29th Jan 2013 11:16

I love this, brightened my day

 

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29th Jan 2013 11:43

@Triggle

It's not just weight, but quality of paper, size, what type of ink, and of course the particular nature of the bag/shoebox/brownenvelope. You might at least give Whinger a decent chance of reckoning on the bill with all the facts disclosed.

:-)

D

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29th Jan 2013 12:04

Maybe Whinger can help with another question ...

I dread the clients who ask me 'How do you expect me to pay that! I haven't got that sort of money!' when told of their tax liability.

My stock answer is 'You should have put some by, as advised, instead of spending it all'.

I am sure someone can help with a better answer :)

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By Whinger
30th Jan 2013 08:44

@shirleym. Try basil fawlty

ShirleyM wrote:

I dread the clients who ask me 'How do you expect me to pay that! I haven't got that sort of money!' when told of their tax liability.

My stock answer is 'You should have put some by, as advised, instead of spending it all'.

I am sure someone can help with a better answer :)

I find I've learned a lot at the Basil Fawlty school of Client care.

When I get this I go with roughly the following;

"I know. It's bl****y awful isn't it? I mean, you just can't get the staff anymore. Time was, you'd give some paperwork over to an employee, and off they'd go, beaver away and come back having done a decent bl***y job but now a-days you have to stand over them, cracking the metaphorical whip, and show them how to use a bl***y calculator. I mean what are the schools teaching them? It's not that hard is it? It's just adding up then subtracting some bits. I even had to explain that "subtracting" means "taking away" as in the little "-" sign on the calculator. I despair I really do, every day coming, there having to deal with this bunch of trolls, if only I could get staff of your caliber. Oh I'm sorry is that the phone must dash".

Usually I get a little pat on the arm, the client says well its not too bad a bill really, and don't worry.

And sometimes, on their way out, our Moose head snags their cardy. Brilliant.

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By blok
29th Jan 2013 12:17

.

just had a client moan ;

"how do you expect me to pay all that tax (£5k)?  don't you realise I have £25k of school fees to pay?"

my sympathy was limited.

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29th Jan 2013 13:59

School fees

Trying to be proactive, I asked one of my clients who are actually a married couple, both of whom are NHS consultants with a little bit of private work on the side, how it was that they did not admit to having any income from investments, whether dividends, bank or building society interest in the UK or abroad or a letting property in the UK or abroad.  The answer was "School fees for our three children".

I did not enquire further!

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30th Jan 2013 12:02

Moose head for sale????

Brilliant.....Im off now to search for a Moose head on Ebay to enhance my office!

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