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By mrme89
07th Apr 2014 10:54

(1) You are having a heart attack but it will pass.

(2) £8958.63

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Stepurhan
By stepurhan
07th Apr 2014 10:54

Ignore the professionals

What you need is a health amateur. A health professional will simply gouge you for as much money as they can for unnecessary things like "blood tests" and so-called "life-saving surgery". An amateur on the other hand will just suck their teeth a bit, and then spout some stuff they found on a humour site on the internet. Health amateurs are easy to find. Most pubs will have one, and they will give their advice for about the cost of a pint.

The CGT on your Ghanaian property will be umpty-squillion pounds and forty-seven and a half pence. You will need to locate a half-penny coin to pay this liability. Fortunately, there are many Ghanaian bank managers with accounts in the name of deceased clients that will be only too happy to help you pay. All they require from you are a handful of simple numbers related to your bank account.

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By ireallyshouldknowthisbut
07th Apr 2014 11:30

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Assuming we are playing the "stupid email of the day game"

I got this little snippet through this morning on a fixed fee quote for a landlord who I have not spoken too and the only info I know is "I have a flat I need to declare the rent on" so I read out what our website says about fees for this (basically a fixed fee quote with caveats)

"Yes got your voicemail thanks. Does that quote include the tax paid?"   

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By Maslins
07th Apr 2014 12:09

Is this Martin Luther King's slightly less famous "I have a pain" speech?

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By Canary Boy
16th Apr 2014 18:33

ahah... not just me then...

A lady dropped in to the office today to tell me she had a flat and a house and asked me (as an accountant) which she should sell. Upon telling I didn't know she explained that the flat was a pent-house flat! I replied that I still could not help and she thought that most unsatisfactory and left.

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Replying to TessaW:
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By WhichTyler
17th Apr 2014 09:28

Missed opportunity!

Canary Boy wrote:

A lady dropped in to the office today to tell me she had a flat and a house and asked me (as an accountant) which she should sell.

You could have offered a full options appraisal, including discounted cashflow forecasts of the lifetime costs of ownership of both, covering a range of indices and a number of global economic scenarios and taking into consideration her lifestyle choices.

All for an appropriate fee of course (research, modelling, drafting presentation, expenses...). Kerching!

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By User deleted
16th Apr 2014 19:36

Strange ...

... I woke up with a pain in my chest, in my case it was due to a spaniel sitting on me!

You won't wont have to pay any CGT, but you will have to pay a sum equal to the proceeds to allow them to release the funds to you.

Did you know, English is the official language of Ghana,although there are 11 different regional languages.

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By davegibson00
17th Apr 2014 09:31

Bloke down the pub says

If you don't talk about your symptoms, nothing bad will happen.  His mate has had pains for years and got away with it.  He also says you're an idiot if you want to pay CGT.  His mate sold three properties in Ghana last year and didn't declare the sales. 

 

 

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