Rubbish Day really upset about a client having to close doors

Rubbish Day really upset about a client having...

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This is not really  a  question I just need cheering up .   One of my favourite and longest clients has had to close it doors.  Yes I knew it was coming just always thought the long established could be saved.   They tried really hard the market has just dried up and they could no longer produce .  The company tried everything. 

When I opened my new office last year  they all came down with flowers to wish me well.   When I had my hearing operation they sent me flowers and gifts and rang my husband to check how I was doing as I could not use the phone.  They had also been really kind to me after my spinal fusion with my back when I was recovering.   At the time I had clients who left  me without a care when I had my spinal operation and was not at my best.  They cannot be replaced in terms of enjoyment to visit and work with. 

On leaving them today I actually burst into tears and set the directors off as well.  It was like all the tears in ET when he said goodbye.   Yes I managed to have them all in tears.    I know I will see them again and I know you probably should not show emotion as their accountant.  At the end of day I  felt gutted for them seeing the staff going and everything finishing left me feeling gutted for lots of reasons including their work with helping encouraging kids in schools and taking part in the community.

Has anyone else ever felt emotional like that.   I know I am a women but I don,t usually burst into tears.  

Replies (27)

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By Rachael White
25th Feb 2014 14:43

Sorry to hear you're having a rubbish day, Sarah. 

We all get bad days and it's natural to feel connected to someone - especially clients you have been working with for years, who have been so kind to you! I think it's a sign of a great accountant actually, that you care so much about them and their business.

Hope you're feeling better soon. 

 

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By User deleted
25th Feb 2014 14:56

Always the nice ones

Somehow it always seems to be the nice ones that go under and not the complete b*stards. Showing emotion like that just means that you're a decent caring person - shame there aren't more like you about. Chin up - life goes on for everyone and all being well there will be something even better for them just round the corner (and another equally fabulous client for you!)

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By j.harris
25th Feb 2014 14:57

It's always going to be a sad day when a company you know feel kinship with and care about has to shut up shop. Just because you were their accountant doesn't mean that you weren't a friend and a colleague too. It sounds like you all were close and they thought as much of you as you of them.

Hopefully things will begin to turn around for them and you'll be able to work together in the future. It's so much nicer working for a client whose business you believe in. It makes it all worthwhile.

Best,

 

John

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Stepurhan
By stepurhan
25th Feb 2014 15:07

Not just women

Being upset, and bursting into tears, just means you are human. Being a woman has nothing to do with it. A culture that feels men should bottle their feelings up to be manly rather than have a good cry does more harm than good.

You care for your clients and they care for you. The idea that a business relationship should exclude that is ridiculous. You supported them as their accountant, and I have no doubt that you will support them as their friend in whatever they do next. Rather than dwell on them closing down, think on all the good that they will have achieved while they were running. Maybe take their inspiration and do a bit more spreading around of the good yourself. There are dark days, and this is undoubtedly one, but there will be bright days in the future as well.

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Jennifer Adams
By Jennifer Adams
25th Feb 2014 15:19

Sad day...

I know we are not talking about the same thing - but I still have the contact number on my mobile of a client of mine who died young - 2 years ago. I cant bring myself to delete it.

He had a good business and was going from strength to strength. He had been a client of mine for 7 years and of my father before that for nearly 5 years.

He used to text me when he wanted me to talk him through any business problems  etc and was always on time with his accounts. A perfect client.

He went out on a Sat am to do a quote and the next thing his wife knew was the police coming up the front path. He died on the way to the quote. A driver who was p...sed from the night before went straight in front of him and killed him outright.

I cried for hours when I was told. I'm happily married by the way!

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Sarah Douglas - HouseTree Business Ltd
By sarah douglas
25th Feb 2014 15:21

Thank you all for your kind words.

Yes it was one of those situations where we became friends over the years through respect and understanding of each other businesses.  

Stepurhan I totally agree with about men bottling their feelings as I said once I started they all started.   In fact I think everyone in this case  needed a good cry.  I believe it does relieve stress.  As I knew it was coming on the day it was just overwhelming.   Sorry I did,nt mean it was because I am a woman.  It has just been an overwhelming day. 

Yes their will be bright days ahead but as Flash says it is harder when it is the good ones 

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Replying to newaccountantsf:
Stepurhan
By stepurhan
25th Feb 2014 16:06

No need to apologise

sarah douglas wrote:
Sorry I did,nt mean it was because I am a woman.  It has just been an overwhelming day.
You could hardly offend me personally by saying that. The beard in my picture is real, and I am actually a bloke. I don't wear a fake beard so I can be pharaoh like Cleopatra did (Thank you Horrible Histories for that little fact. One of the most educational programs on telly.).

If I am offended at all, it is at society as a whole for holding on to the idea "women soft. men tough". It is still so pervasive that even someone like yourself, who knows it to be ridiculous, will still revert to it in times of stress.

Dang, that all came across as a little heavier than I hoped. To hopefully lighten the mood a bit, an accountancy joke. Check out this ancient thread for this and more.

An accountant was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said "You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The accountant sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.

"Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete! How much steel! You're going to have to think of another wish."

The Accountant agreed, and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I don't understand how banks have managed to package crap mortgages and sell them to other, supposedly astute, banks, can you explain it to me please."

The genie paused for a while and said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"

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Sarah Douglas - HouseTree Business Ltd
By sarah douglas
25th Feb 2014 15:27

JAdams - I think it is the same thing

It is all well a good being professional but we would not be human if you did not have a good cry.  I think because some clients are maybe not as close.   People become friends over time and sometimes without realising it.   I think when your someone's accountant you do get to know them well as they discuss their good times and worries with you. 

I know  I would have also cried.

 

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By Peter Bonetti
25th Feb 2014 15:35

Being human is good - anyway real men cry

Or at least I hope they do or I'm a big girl's blouse!

Chin up and be proud that you can care beyond the invoice, there are plenty who seem not to.

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Time for change
By Time for change
25th Feb 2014 16:25

What started off so well last Friday.........

My second grand-daughter was born at 6.39am, last Friday morning.

Less than two hours later, one of my elder client's wives was on the phone asking me if I'd have a word with her husband. The caveat being, he'd asked to speak to me, about one or two things, before he died, with terminal cancer!

I explained that I would "look out" for his wife and felt numb and useless, as I ended the conversation with"take care!!

So, a great start to the day, but boy, don't let the celebrations get too out of hand!

If you're lucky, great people pass your way and through your door. If you enjoy mutual respect, the pain of loss and change, is that much greater.

 

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Sarah Douglas - HouseTree Business Ltd
By sarah douglas
25th Feb 2014 16:33

Time for change

Congratulations on your second Grand Daughter.   

Your client obviously thought a lot of you to speak to you prior to his death  I am sure you were not useless and he will have known you and your way.   

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By taxhound
25th Feb 2014 19:02

Friends

It may sound corny, but I sometimes forget that some of my clients are just that, clients, and not just great friends.  You get very close to them and do what you can to help, and it can be very upsetting when things go wrong.  But I guess that is why I enjoy my job.

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By User deleted
25th Feb 2014 19:47

Is anger not an emotion?

.

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By User deleted
25th Feb 2014 20:18

Real men show their emotions (though psychopaths don't to be fair). 

I don't lose sleep over losing clients particularly, and as for people dying, well it depends if I knew them or not. But what gets me is regret for the life that they're leaving behind. That doesn't mean I'll cry, but I'll definitely feel something. My parents' neighbour died last week and it was probably a blessing for him, all things considered. It didn't bother me at all at first because I'd only spoken to him once (strangely enough, right after my sister died), it was only when I went round to his house and saw all his books that it really made me stop and think about him as an individual. He had similar interests to me and I guess it made me see him as a person and not just a topic of conversation with my parents. And that's when emotions occur; when you see them as an actual identity and not just a name or a contact. 

(@ JAAdams - I think it's nice not deleting the number - it stops them from being forgotten just yet)

 

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Sarah Douglas - HouseTree Business Ltd
By sarah douglas
25th Feb 2014 20:33

I guess we are all different

I must admit I would usually of  had a cry in private.  No I don,t cry at a whimp. 

 I understand people who do not want to show emotion in public as we all different and I think that is okay as long as it suits the individual.  We all have our ways of coping and no one way is right or wrong. 

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By User deleted
25th Feb 2014 20:38

I agree we all different ...

... but emotions still need to be dealt with, whether it be crying, writing a song/poem, painting a picture, chopping down a tree, digging the garden, whatever - but to fail to firstly acknowledge emotion, and then address it leads to events like Dunblane, Hungerford, Sandy Hook, Columbine and the like.

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By ShirleyM
25th Feb 2014 20:45

OGA

I agree that emotions are natural, and have to be dealt with, and we each have our own ways of coping.

The problem is that some people are incapable of experiencing emotion. People with bi-polar disorder, psychopaths, drug addicts even, do not care about others. As they also lack a social conscience they can also be very dangerous, as they don't care who they hurt, so long as they get their 'fix', or reach their 'goal'.

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By User deleted
25th Feb 2014 20:50

Agree Shirley ...

... but the converse is true too and society doesn't care for them and give them the help they need - especially with all the defence cuts!

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Sarah Douglas - HouseTree Business Ltd
By sarah douglas
25th Feb 2014 21:04

Emotion

I think everyone has emotion and everyone has different backgrounds and different histories not feeling emotion or feeling indifferent can be someone's way.

 It is a very interesting topic for example.  The Americans love to go a see someone and discuss everything.  I would,nt like that .  I think sometimes things have to be put in the back of the memory as it can also be destructive.   

The emotions in Dunblane where very real but when Andy Murray won they were also very real.  The children will never be forgotten but the there has to be a future for the kids living in that town.  This may involve people living as if it did not happen Lockerbrie had to do the same.   It is a way of coping with life. 

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Sarah Douglas - HouseTree Business Ltd
By sarah douglas
25th Feb 2014 21:02

Caring about others

Shirley 

The problem is that all the people you mentioned are human as well.  I agree with OGA  the society is not great at caring.    We as a society do not care enough about people who suffer with illness.   

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By User deleted
26th Feb 2014 10:07

Agree Sarah ...

... but they have to be dealt with first - like a book you read before putting it on the shelf.

If you don't deal with emotions before locking them away they will keep banging on the door and one day they will break it down and the consequences can be dire, it may be harming others, it may be self-harm but it won't be good.

We can learn much from the Amish on how to cope with adversity. And as Marilla said in Anne of Green Gables, "to despair is to turn your back on God".

 

Thanks BKD, your proof reading much appeciated as always :o)

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Replying to Sujay:
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By User deleted
25th Feb 2014 22:58

Sounds like a parable, OGA

Old Greying Accountant wrote:

If you don't deal with emotions before locking them away they will keep ba[n]ging on the door and one day they will break it down and the consequences can be dire,

;¬)

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By User deleted
26th Feb 2014 09:20

As intelligent apes ...

... we should have out grown war.

All those repressed emotions slaughtered on the Somme.

Violence is the last resort for humans, that is why nature gave us rational thought, so we don't have to waste valuable breeding stock in pointless wars.

Unfortunately even today violence seems the first action, not the last.

I do not belittle those who gave their lives for us, and I do get moist eyes on armistice when I hear the last post, and think on those countless wasted lives.

I salute those who fight and die for this country, and I weep that they need to, like most if not all here, there are stunted limbs on my family tree of those who never returned, uncles and cousins I never knew.

Your view is simplistic, as things stand we need soldiers, but we need poets, we need philosophers, we need doctors, we need lawyers and accountants - we don't all need to be the same, because one man cries doesn't make him weak, that another won't or can't doesn't make him strong.

There is a difference between controlling emotion and not having any. Don't tell me those fortunate souls who survived the charge from the trenches didn't show emotion when the action was finished and the adrenelin gone. 

A yes, squaddies do cry for fallen comrades, but at the appropriate time, those that don't are the ones that end up with breakdowns from repressing their emotions.

And please, do not make suppositions about what I think, you made a comment that was inflammatory and in my view infantile machoistic bullshit and compelled me to respond

 

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Stepurhan
By stepurhan
26th Feb 2014 07:46

Please respect the OP

Whilst I acknowledge my role in starting it, I think it would be best if the discussion of the rights and wrongs of displaying emotions were taken out to a thread of its own. This thread is supposed to be about the specific real-life feelings over a treasured client closing down. It is being disrespectful to sarah.douglas to make it all about a wider argument on emotional displays.

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By User deleted
26th Feb 2014 08:06

Don't worry, stepurhan

The argument will be over soon :)

BTW, well said, OGA - you're spot on with "both" of your posts.

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Sarah Douglas - HouseTree Business Ltd
By sarah douglas
26th Feb 2014 08:04

Thanks Everyone

I feel a bit better today after a good nights sleep.   It has been a hard couple of years for the client and in some respects I think this will have removed the stress for them and they can move forward.  Life goes on and the topic is really interesting as we sometimes give out about clients but rarely talk about the ones that are good and that we have become close to over time.  

 I appreciate the topic moved on and a bit wider and I guess it has highlighted how everyone feels.  

 

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By User deleted
26th Feb 2014 10:31

I think ...

... the evolution of war is the problem.

In the good old days the "real" men could all get together in a field in the middle of nowhere to hack lumps out of each other, leaving the rest of society to get on with their lives - natures way of cleaning the pool of recidivistic genes.

With modern warfare sadly it is now the innocent that bear the brunt whilst the "real" men are largely unscathed.

Personally I would rather be with the ladies than with the fighting, as in nature - most animals will not fight unless cornered as the risk of injury is too great, and an injured animal has a very low life expectancy! In a soldier, those most open to emotion are the best able to survive, as the stress of danger heightens awareness, speeds responses and make decision making quicker and more accurate, without fear you are disadvantaged - the key is not to suppress emotions, to deny them, but to embrace them and use them to your advantage, that is why we have them. To deny emotion is like driving on the motorway with your eyes closed.

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