Through my experience up to middle aged years now I have come to the firm conclusion that you do not get very far by being nice. I have tried not to be nice but I fail miserably.
Whilst trying to progress through the career ladder, I noticed people who were devious got far. Honest and open people like me progressed slowly. I mean what I say, and one of my downsides is I take people to be like me. This obviously cannot be the case.
People lie and do things to get their way even it means it is at the cost of others. These are not so nice people who get far. In my college and University I noticed women tended to be with “bastards”. I was a good friend! A shoulder to cry on. That is not what I wanted!
I tried not being nice but it just does not work me. I just cannot do this. I do not see this as a strength.
I think there is something in not being nice. It is your hunger to succeed that outweighs being nice? I wonder is it because I am not hungry enough to succeed?
Why are some people (me) nice? On reflection this is because of the need to be liked by others is greater compared to be people who are not so nice? This is revelation to me!
Does this mean not so nice people are confident and well adjusted and nice people have a high need to be accepted and liked by others?
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Be nice
There's nothing wrong with being nice.
I would never try to change myself because some people are not nice. I'm happy with my lot and I don't think I go out of my way to be accepted and liked.
I feel the same FirstTab
I have had the dirty done on me more times than I care to remember, but I would hate to do the same to someone else.
I reassure myself with the thought that what comes round, goes round (or is it the other way around?). I like to think they will meet an even bigger b*stard that does the same to them, and will make them realise how hurtful it is. It may be wishful thinking but it makes me feel better :)
Dealing with nice people
Both in my personal and professional life I want to deal with nice people. Perhaps that is why I have both a modest practice and a modest circle of friends!
Some people don't have it in themselves to be nasty and you are obviously one of those people. As with Peter above I believe that we are the way we are and don't deviate much from our basic characters.
Perhaps the less-nice people don't worry about what others think of them, they must have thicker skins. But building up confidence doesn't mean being nasty - says he who would run a mile rather than address a room full of people!
Good to see you back my friend
Be nice, be happy - you can't take it with you.
The sort of women that hang out with the b*stards tend to be shallow and high maintenance.
Personally i would rather be poor with a clear conscience than rich with a pile of corpses with a dose of Sheffield's finest protruding from their back behind me.
That said, those of that ilk are happy as they have no conscience, unfortunately they tend to run things which is why the world is always at war somewhere or another!
But to answer your question, yes, you obviously don't want it enough or you would do it, doesn't make you weak though. A weak person is one who cannot admit their faults.
Conversely, nice people are probably more confident and well adjusted, and I would argue they don't have a high need to be liked and accepted, and consequently they are. It is the "sucessful" ones who need the constant reassurance they think success brings them. They people who fawn over the rich and "suxcessful" are not worth knowing, they are the cowards that surround the playground bully and allow him to destroy peoples confidence and lives
Nice?
Nice is such a bland word that you are using here to try to convey a range of emotions and personalties.
I would much rather deal with someone who was honest but personally unpleasant - rude, arrogant etc than someone insincere - the bloke on the door of Asda with the dead eyes wishing you a nice day (actually, if I had the choice I'd rather deal with someone who was honest and pleasant but you rarely get everything).
Evolution has lead us to believe that confidence, self assurance, leadership are all positive character traits that equal success. Unfortunately, these qualities are most often perceived in the rude, arrogant, overly self interested/confident.
Disagree
They are mistakenly perceived in such persons, those who are rude, arrogant, overbrearing, patronising etc have nearly always blinded everyone, themselves included, that they are capable of leaders. However, most are blinded by their facade of bullsh*t hence we get the dross rising to the top and causing the complete [***]-ups that beleaguer our politicians and big businesses!
Being nice = being shafted
But I'd rather be shafted and have a clear conscience than the opposite. Everyone can do what they want but I have a certain moral code that sets the way I go about my life. I've kicked into touch plenty of people over the last few years who've been negative influences in my life (personal and work) and it does mean I've fewer friends and clients than I might prefer but then I'm happier for it. And I'm working on being assertive to cut down the shafting!
Personally
... I feel if you run out of fingers to count them they are not true friends, just acquaintances!
Kindness.....
... is the best quality that anyone can hold. I treasure it greatly and use it often.
There is nothing wrong with being "nice", many people would consider it a strength.
First Tab - if you think about those you are comparing yourself with - would you really want to be like them? I suspect not. Stick to being a nice guy, you will enjoy life much more.