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Going round in circles

10th Aug 2013
12 comments
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I’ve got so much to say but almost nothing has happened that I don’t know where to start.  Hopefully, I’m in the process of getting my continuity practice agreement with someone fairly close to home thanks to emails I’ve received from accountingweb members.  Once I get that, I should be able to apply for my practicing certificate.

Sleeping through the night is still an issue with my younger one.  This is the next thing I’m going to tackle.  Toilet training with my older one is getting better but I still have days when she has an accident.  Trying not to stress (read shout) too much and do my best to explain why she should go to the toilet.

Discipline with my older daughter is still an issue and the more I read about it, the more confused I get.  I don’t want to be too soft on her but I don’t want to scare her all the time either.  Most of the time she is good but sometimes usually when I least expect it she has a tantrum or does something naughty or WON’T LISTEN!

Also, with it being the summer holidays (amazing the effect it has on traffic!) I’ve offered to babysit my niece and nephew twice a week.  They’re 10 and 8 and have so much to say and ask constantly that I’m reaching for the paracetamol by the time they go!  And I’ve got this to look forward to with my two.

The final thing I wanted to rant about was my husband.  We seem to be constantly competing with each other as to who is the most tired.  I am grateful for him working and how very helpful that is financially.  But I’m sure he thinks I spend all day doing nothing and that’s not even taking into account the sleepless nights I’ve had.  He doesn’t seem to realise how much harder it is to look after the kids compared to one.

Anyway, rant over for another month!

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Replies (12)

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FT
By FirstTab
11th Aug 2013 03:52

Please rant more often
Your blogs are interesting.

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By petersaxton
11th Aug 2013 08:04

You have a fan!

But not much advice.

You are grateful for your husband working? Are you mad? What do you think he should do, sit around all day?

Are you both getting enough exercise? That might make you more physically able to not get tired.

I know children can be stressful but it's not easy to find the perfect solution. Sometimes you just have to blunder along and do your best. 

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FT
By FirstTab
11th Aug 2013 09:53

Yes
Lilac1 you have a fan. You were having a rant and you have not asked for advice.

If you need advice please let me know.

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By ShirleyM
11th Aug 2013 08:46

You'll hate me for saying this Lilac ....

... but the key to any sort of training is consistency.  If you are 100% consistent, they learn much quicker, and the rebelliousness will fade.

Very different I know, but my TB mare (when first acquired) used to speed up as fast as possible as soon as I turned her towards home while riding out. I couldn't compete on strength, ie. if she wanted to gallop ... she galloped. The only way I could control her was to keep her in tight circles so she couldn't build up any speed, so I used to 'circle' her home. Ever time she calmed down and started walking nicely I let her go in a straight line. Every time she speeded up I put her into tight circles. The first time I did this it took me over 2 hours to go 1/2 a mile. The second time was quicker, the third quicker still until eventually she walked when I wanted her to walk, even if we were heading towards home. If ever I had given in and allowed her to rush home we would have been back at square one.

It is very tough, hard work and quite stressful, but if you give in, just once, then you make the training a waste of time, and will never get anywhere. Consistency is the key.

There endeth the lesson for today. My next sermon will be at 12 noon. :)

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By User deleted
11th Aug 2013 09:07

Definitely consistency

And I've watched plenty of episodes of Supernanny! It also applies to training dogs which is why mine won't walk nicely to heel :)

If you're consistently giving your daughters the same message and following up on it (i.e. not letting them get away with it even once or they'll recognise they can win!) then they'll learn. It might take a bit of time but less than if you don't. And do your best to stay calm because they'll take more in when you're not shouting. (I know how hard that is when you're tired, I always shout at my dog when I'm tired - it's how I recognise that I need to take it easy -  and then have to apologise because it's not her fault she's just being a dog). I don't know how you find the right balance between enough & too much discipline - half the kids I see these days seem to have too little but I grew up scared of my mother so I'm not convinced her approach was too great either! But hopefully just applying consistency about the important things will set them on the right road anyway.

You deserve credit for volunteering to look after more children - no wonder you're knackered :) Maybe you could get your husband to take a day off and look after them all while you check into a hotel and sleep all day! I don't have the experience myself but I'm guessing that a day at work, however hard, is probably still easier than 4 kids all with different needs / demands.  (I'll settle for one dog and two cats - one of whom vomited in the water bowl this morning!) Failing that, find Supernanny and pay her for a fortnight - it would be the best money you'd ever spent and you'd be appreciating it for the next few years :)

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By A mum and an accountant
11th Aug 2013 23:27

Consistency
Yes. I do need to be consistent. I thought we had cracked the toilet training so I slacked a bit. I need to go back to the beginning.

I wish my husband could help out more with the kids but with him working so far and sometimes long hours, I have to accept that he will be tired too.

I'm grateful for all the comments I get. Sometimes I just need reminding or the most obvious needs pointing out or I need a moral boost. It all helps.

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By ShirleyM
12th Aug 2013 07:41

We know how difficult it is when you're tired ...

It is so easy to take the easy route, just this one time. Our brains don't always work the way they should when we are tired, and life has a way of throwing curveballs at us.

Who said looking after kids was easy? Probably somebody who had two full time Nannies. :)

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Catincupboard
By Rose1962
12th Aug 2013 12:52

oh dear !

Best of luck.  I still find my teenagers a distraction at work ; there is so much going on and school holidays are not an easier time .  But - it does get alot easier once they stop waking you up at night. Having been through that, to the point that I was so tired that it was dangerous to drive, I wish that I had had the sense to ask for a slightly later work start time.  But then again, I had a ferocious boss who would have seen that as weakness / lack of committment. It took me years to find out that other people in the same firm had agreed a later start time with different principals.  Network - compare notes - don't let yourself get isolated. It is not easy 

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By rebtay
13th Aug 2013 15:40

Sympathy

You have my sympathy! Lack of sleep has to be the worst thing about young children. My youngest is now 3 1/2 years so I feel like I'm coming out the other side but it has been hard. Having 2 children is disproportionately harder than 1 especially at a young age when you're still tackling sleep and toilet training. It is really difficult to stay disciplined and I know I'm guilty too of letting them get away with things sometimes as I get fed up with saying no. 

I have the tiredness competition with my husband too. I don't think they realise how challenging children are and how impossible it can be some days to actually get anything done.

Mine are currently wrecking the house whilst I catch up on emails!

 

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By User deleted
14th Aug 2013 11:35

Different times!

My Mum had two kids, she had no freezer, a twin tub washing machine and we always had clean clothes, dinner on the table when dad came in etc (all cooking and baking was from scratch, very few pre-prepared meals).

Difference being, staying at home bringing up children was the norm and an accepted thing (in so far as raising children was a job, not a hobby!). Unfortunately, due to so many years of dual income families it is frequently not possible now as housing costs are out of reach for most single income families.

Ah, the joys of rose tinted specs!

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By rebtay
14th Aug 2013 14:19

Sanity, not money!

I choose to work for my own sanity! We could cope on one income, husband also being an accountant and fortunately an employed one.

I work for myself and work part time hours so that I can work around the school and nursery hours and be there at either end of the day. I know that being a full time stay at home mum isn't for me. And it's nice to be able to have the option.

It is a juggling act sometimes and I work more evenings than I would like but that's life.

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By User deleted
14th Aug 2013 14:43

That begs ...

... a question!

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