Mastering emotions

I am sure I am not the only one who is ruled by my emotions. This is good when they drive me forward through taking positive action.

It is terrible when I feel depressed and always look at life as glass half empty. This then drives me in a spiral of negativity.

Emotional mastery is so important. By this I mean for me to accept the way I feel but to control myself over not getting too negative. This is not easy!

It is worse when day after day I take actions in the hope those actions would lead to somewhere and for whatever reason life for what it is just does not want to give you what you desire most.

I think both for personal growth and also to achieve my business aspirations emotional mastery is vital. How do i achieve this?

I think emotional mastery can be achieving by accepting the way I am feeling. Then to say to myself things are the way they are, what can I do to make it go my way? In other words changing my highly negative world has come to an end mind set. By just not allowing my mind to wonder off allowing it to start the process of self pity and taking actions that makes the situation far worse.

It is so easy to talk about mastering emotions but it s very difficult to achieve this.

Comments
Old Greying Accountant's picture

My friend ...    1 thanks

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

... let me know if you get an answer, I never have and know exactly what you mean.

At worst you accept it and work accordingly, making sure you maximise output when on a up.

The best thing I have found to cope is to write my feelings down as a poem. It focuses you on why you feel down and then transfers it to the page.

You write well and with emotion so this should be something you can do.

I have two techniques, sometime the words flow from head to pen to page, some times I just blitz the page with jumbled thoughts and then sort them out later.Do it with pen/pencil and paper - it is satisfying scratching and crossing things out.

Don't worry about rhyme and meter, just get those thoughts out. You can then mess around with the words and put into a classic poem style if you want - doing so helps me step back from the emotions and feelings and show me I am in control, not them!

 

Flash Gordon's picture

Less poetical but...    1 thanks

Flash Gordon | | Permalink

I agree with OGA about writing down how and what you feel but I think trying to put it into anything poetry-based would leave me more stressed & confused! Definitely write things down though - just getting it out of that swirling mass in your head and down in black and white (or whatever colour tickles your fancy) puts it into focus and makes you realise (most of the time) that actually it's not anywhere near as dire as you think. I love mind maps and use a whiteboard (or you can buy rolls of the plastic 'paper' you can use whiteboard pens on) to get my crap out of my head. Problem goes into the middle (e.g. I'm stressed) and then anything that springs to mind gets flung around it with a line joining it. Then it's so much easier to be constructive about finding solutions for all the bits around the problem, or even for just realising that actually there isn't anything that bad.

You listen to a fair number of self-help books and probably find them motivating for a short while afterwards. But do you write down the bits that make sense so that you can refer back to them regularly? If you tried having post-its or cards stuck around the place with meaningful comments you might find that they sink in better just by your brain digesting them as a regular aside. Like a regular habit. (I really should act on my own advice more!) You know what you need to do, it's just the regular and repeated doing that you struggle with, because once the negatives start work they do a good job of making you veer off the track. You can train your emotions, you just need to work at it, repeatedly.

Flash Gordon's picture

A 'Flash' of inspiration    3 thanks

Flash Gordon | | Permalink

One for OGA:

My emotions are getting me down,

I can't force a smile but just frown,

I want to be happy,

Like that OGA chappy,

But bugger me it's difficult!!

 

And one for FT:

My glass is half-empty, not full,

Which doesn't help when I'm out on the pull,

I want lots of cash,

And to be handsome like Flash,

But the advice he just gave me was bull. !!

petersaxton's picture

My advice    1 thanks

petersaxton | | Permalink

Forget about over thinking, self help books, poetry and writing things down and get on with doing what needs to be done. It's a lot more effective.

I think January is generally    1 thanks

Lilac1 | | Permalink

I think January is generally a hard month after christmas and new years when everyones generally in a good mood and then coming back to work and back to sameness with nothing but more work and snow to look forward to. For me it generally passes once you get into a routine but I agree writing helps.

Old Greying Accountant's picture

I would love to be like Peter ...    2 thanks

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

... but we are all different, some of us work that way and doing stuff straightens our head out, others have to straighten our heads out before we can do things!

runningmate's picture

Sometimes    2 thanks

runningmate | | Permalink

Sometimes I wish I was a bricklayer rather than an accountant.

Not because they earn more but because, at the end of the day, the bricklayer can stand back and see that he has achieved something - there is a bit of wall there that was not there when he arrived at work.

Unfortunately as an accountant you do not see that tangible physical evidence of work done.  So we don't get that clear visual feedback.

I actually knew an estate agent who changed career in his 40s to be a bricklayer and found it enormously satisfying.  It wouldn't suit everyone though!

RM

I think you have to learn how    1 thanks

Dan Wilkinson | | Permalink

I think you have to learn how to step back and put a bit of perspective on things. 

It is silly going through life and dwelling on emotions, it is only you that is putting you in that state. I know its hard but the next time you are feeling bad or down, just think to yourself why do I want to do this to myself and its my choice if to feel happy or miserable. I always choose happy.

Its also like this when somebody annoys you. Generally the individual that has aggrieved you has no idea and its only you that is being effected by the self induced state.

There is no point wondering through life feeling miserable, there is always somebody with far bigger problems than you or I,

 

Old Greying Accountant's picture

Apologies, what I think you meant to say!    2 thanks

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

 But bugger me it's difficult!!          remove  

Flash Gordon wrote:

One for OGA:

My emotions are getting me down,

I can't force a smile but just frown,

I want to be happy,

Like that OGA chappy,

He really is such a clown!!                replace with

It is not that there is any point dwelling, but if you are introverted, you tend to be more sensitive and things people say cut deeply, especially if unwarranted and uncalled for, and permeate your thoughts unbidden. You then have to expend energy repressing them which depletes the available energy for doing work etc.

Introverts will tend to say nothing if they can say nothing nice, extroverts will say what pops in to their heads without a thought to the impact it will have on others - this is not deliberate, most if confronted are astounded they have caused deep hurt and are very remorseful (but it doesn't last long or change their behaviour!)

Red Leader's picture

@FT, don't take this the wrong way

Red Leader | | Permalink

but have you thought about counselling? You do seem to have a lot of issues.

FirstTab's picture

Misunderstanding    1 thanks

FirstTab | | Permalink

I talked about mastering emotions and it would be good to do this. 

For some reason it has been taken as I am having problems. Like any person I have problems but it is not that bad. It must be the way I come across. Next time I will try and be clearer. 

Flash Gordon's picture

Business coach    1 thanks

Flash Gordon | | Permalink

Maybe FT you should try working with a business coach? They might be able to help you get yourself focussed work-wise - if you agree with them that you're going to do x by a certain time then they'll be able to slap you around when you don't in a way that we can't! It's always a bonus to have someone that you can discuss your business with and a decent coach will keep you from taking scenic diversions.

 

Flash Gordon's picture

OGA - not such a clown...

Flash Gordon | | Permalink

More insightful, on the mark and thoroughly deserving of a good scratch between the ears or a good stroke on the belly :)

Not sure if I can create poetry out of that though!

Flash Gordon's picture

@ Red Leader, don't take this the wrong way    1 thanks

Flash Gordon | | Permalink

But I think you might want to read OGA's comments about extroverts because I'm guessing you're one!

Its attitudes like that which mean that people who do have counselling don't tell anyone and why mental illness still has such a stigma attached to it.

I sometimes wonder why I bothered saving the earth - I could have just had the hawkmen bring the nice introverts along and we could have settled on one of the spare planets. Would have been so much easier. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

 

Red Leader's picture

sorry    2 thanks

Red Leader | | Permalink

I didn't mean to cause offence.

Old Greying Accountant's picture

@Flash    1 thanks

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

Back of the net, as they say!

Or: Spiffing show , none taken old chap, all tickety boo  here, over.

Red leader is not a rum cove, but all round good egg, just got a bit carried away with the moment what!

Flash Gordon's picture

NFL - translation

Flash Gordon | | Permalink

You're talking to an ex-NFL Quarterback OGA - we don't have back of the net moments!

But equally I may have viewed Red Leader as the opposing defence in a 4th down and inches, seconds to play, playing for a spot in the Superbowl, scenario and lowered my shoulder for an all or nothing quarterback-sneak when a rather more diplomatic approach would have been preferable! I've never been the same since throwing Klytus onto the spikes :)

Mental illness has always been one of those topics where I'm likely to go off on one, and mix that up with talk about introverts and extroverts and you need to get your shoulderpads and helmets on!

So if Red Leader is tuned to this frequency and hasn't been grounded by bad weather then 'I say! Terribly sorry old chap, no hard feelings' :)

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