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Private school or not.

12th Dec 2015
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My daughter currently goes to private school and I think there are a lot of benefits to private school but there's a part of me that really feels wrong about paying for private education. My granddad is a big proponent of education but he also very much believes that if a person wants to learn she will learn wherever she goes. In terms of education I do believe that and going to a private school was not our first choice.

However, since being there I've noticed how much she has come on. Her reading has gone from almost nothing to being able to read well. Her writing is ok. She's always been good at counting but is becoming more aware of numbers. Education wise it's all quite good. Not sure how much different it would have been if she had been in a normal school and I will never know.

Other good things about this school is the class is very small. 19 children in the year split between three teaching assistants so they must get a lot of undivided attention. It's very secure. There's a gate keeper, security gates to go in and out and its very enclosed. It's an all girls school. Not sure if makes that much difference at this age but it's meant to help as they get older. Apparently. Some of the parents are a bit snobby and a bit posh but I'm sure that goes with any school. So regardless of the education, the security, the individual attention etc should all help develop them to be good people, in a safe environment.

My older daughter is a bit of a handful. In the first term she had already been called into the headmistress office for disrupting the class and not listening. I think she's getting better in her behaviour and we keep repeating 'the rules' about what she can and can't do at school or in general on our school drive but I don't think we can afford to send her to private school on a long term basis. Every time I think about taking her out of private school and finding a normal school to transfer her, I get upset about what she will be missing out on. She's already made friends that she really gets on with and they go on lots of school trips. I think the whole experience of going to a private school is good, not just for the education but it's so expensive.

Anyway, at the moment, we have applied for a mid term transfer but we've not heard back from them yet. I've only got my head into wanting to chase them up recently so I guess we will have to see what happens. In the meantime, I think I need to stop worrying about it and spend more time with them.

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Replies (15)

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By tom123
12th Dec 2015 09:31

Use the money saved to top up elsewhere.

However you look at it, private schooling is a minority occupation. The vast majority are schooled elsewhere - and tend to survive..

Instead of assuming the school will take on all the activities in your child's life - why not think about using the money you would be saving by not paying for school elsewhere.

What about local sports clubs - eg tennis - an annual subscription to one round here for children is only a few pounds. You could get a family subscription for about £1000 per year.

For extra-curricular - have you thought about cubs / scouts (which is boys & girls these days).

This way you have not placed all the eggs in the school basket.

How about becoming a school governor - that way to can really see how the schools are run - and influence them in a positive way.

Higher education institutions tend to discriminate against private schools anyway.

With social media - no reason why friendships can't continue anyway.

Sometimes (with girls) it is helpful to break out of that suffocating 'best friends' exclusivity.

 

Good luck with what you decide/

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By Yesican
12th Dec 2015 09:35

Why do you want to transfer her?
Depends on the reason why. My kids go to private school and I think its worth every penny. Having said that I can't really compare with normal school and whether they would have turned out the same anyway. There was a time we were in a situation where we would have to move them because of the finances but we stuck with it as I just couldn't do it.

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By A mum and an accountant
12th Dec 2015 10:40

I agree with you both...


@tom123 I have looked at Brownies and girl guides (to keep that all girls school vibe going) but I've not heard back from them yet and I would love to take them to after school activities.  I have a huge list of things we can go to or at least give it a try but this term has been hectic. Hopefully, in the new year we can start doing some.  I was a school governor for one year for a random school not near me but after having the second daughter, even that seems like hard work.  Although, once I've decided one way or another, I can get more involved with the school.

 

@yesican it is finances that make us want to move our daughter out of the private school and we have another daughter who will be starting school in 2 years time which is what is really worrying us in terms of finance.

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Replying to Paul Crowley:
Red Leader
By Red Leader
12th Dec 2015 11:45

@Lilac

If I understand correctly, you have three children.

I feel that if one child goes, then they all have to go, otherwise may it not get to be a bit of a problem in the family? I can just imagine the stuff being thrown back at you 10-20 years from now, it being viewed as favouritism, etc!

Add up the total cost up to say age 16 of private fees for all your children. It is an eye-watering amount of money. My view is that most parents pay these fees, not because they represent value for money, but for other reasons that are probably a bit irrational. Tom123 makes some good, practical - rational! - points.

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By Yesican
12th Dec 2015 11:42

Worrying doesn't help
You find the money somehow if that is what you want. I started off with just one and now I have three all going to school. I quit my job last year to start my practice full time. I am still struggling to work round the kids and it was a big income drop as well. Because we know this is what we "have" to do we just get on with it and take it a day a time. The bill is huge but....

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FT
By FirstTab
12th Dec 2015 13:16

RL

Has put it eloquently, what I would have said. I also agree with your grandfather.

Lilac1 has two children. RL's point still stands. 

Not being a parent, I will never get why parents kill themselves to get their children best of everything. It must be instinct and passing on the genes to the next generation under the best possible advantage.

Children will leave the nest, and will they look back when the parent is in care? Even if they do, they will have their own lives. Life is just too short. Balance is a good thing.

So what if their education is not as good as private education? When the time comes and if they have the motivation, they will find a way to excel private education or not.     

 

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By NiallHolden
14th Dec 2015 10:21

My own experience

Having just finished my education maybe I can offer some perspective from my point of view, hopefully it's of some help.

I didn't go to private school, I was in a public school for my primary years and went to a Grammar School for my secondary education. If I were given the choice of going back and attending a private or public school I wouldn't think it would matter, as FT mentioned I have always been motivated to learn so I don't feel the setting I was in affected my long-term education, that and a naturally high capacity for learning helped. The public school I went to was fantastic, the teachers were extremely caring and offered me the guidance I needed, of course all public schools won't have the level of teaching that I got at mine but that's not to say that a private school would have given me anything better, I'd say its a case of looking for the right one.

Are you worried about the other children that your kids will interact with at a public school? They're not all nice and I won't lie to you and tell you that they are but from my experience having parents who really showed me how to act morally and always care about others shaped who I am today rather than the children I interacted with when I was younger, growing up I don't recall a single instance of prejudice, I'd talk to anyone regardless of their status, colour or popularity because I knew that was the right thing to do. My earliest memories are always doing my times tables with a Carol Vorderman CD in the car to school with my mum and here I am 15 years later studying Accountancy so it's my experiences with my mum that really affected me, not the fact that I was public or privately educated.

I do feel that going to a Grammar School for my secondary education helped my learning, the schools in my area were a really low standard and if I'd attended one of them my learning would have definitely been impacted so it's a difficult balance to get.

I hope I've not waffled on and you get my point, as long as you continue being an excellent mum and your children know right from wrong then they will excel, as long as you get a good feeling from the school, its teachers and policies then it really doesn't matter :)

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By chriswalter1801
14th Dec 2015 10:54

Primary or Secondary

Is the money better put into Primary or Secondary education?

My son reached school age this September and went to one of the local primary school and he is really enjoying it and is developing really well.

The money we are saving on not going to private school will help us buy a much bigger property and cushion the impact when my wife finally leaves her job in the city.

I am definitely interested in private school though when he reaches 11/14 as my own thought is that the impact will be greater at that age when we get to GCSE's and A Levels. That also gives us 6 years to save the fees.

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By ireallyshouldknowthisbut
14th Dec 2015 15:14

.

I went to what is (now) a failing school in a rough area.

I didnt do too bad.

My kids are in state school, currently in reception class. They have gone from not reading to reading a whole "Biff and Chip" book in less than a term.  i wouldn't put that down to it being a paid for one. I have been very impressed by the amount of work the teachers put in, and we put in a lot at home too listening to them read etc. 

the main things you get for a paid for education is a better accent and posher friends. 

Personally I like my kids to mix with everyone and learn that people are people. 

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By HKE
14th Dec 2015 15:46

Looking from a financial perspective

I have trouble getting my head round sending my children to a school where there has to be a background motivation of making a profit.  It may be very simplistic to look at it like that, but that's why I chose to send my children to the local state primary, from there they both went to Grammar school and then on to University.  Their lives weren't ruined by my decision, and I could not have afforded the fees at that time anyway.

My niece who is a fully qualified primary school teacher, formerly worked at what was agreed to be a very nice private primary school.  Then the head decided to close it at the end of the term they were in - only about 6 weeks notice was given to all staff and parents. Not a great situation to be in for either staff looking for new jobs or parents looking for new schools, but one that the head, as owner of the school, was fully entitled to create.

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By Duhamel
14th Dec 2015 16:26

Public/private
Having attended both, I'd just say that everyone gets caught up on fees and overlooks whether the school actually suits the child.

Socially, I didn't see much difference in fee paying and free schools and I doubt it had any difference on my ability (or lack thereof) to mix with others.

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By A mum and an accountant
15th Dec 2015 13:28

The cost

I have two girls. I've worked out that the total cost of sending them both to private school from now until they are 18 comes to just under £400k taking into account inflation and sibling discount but not school trips.  It's a lot of money especially if they turn around and say they want to be nail technicians or something.  Nothing wrong with that but its a lot of money to train as nail technicians and if you are spending that much money on education, you do expect some sort of compensation or reward from it.

Our original plan was to save up til they were 11 and then maybe send them to the private school especially as there isn't any free grammar schools nearby. It would also give us a chance to see how well they are doing and see if it is worth it.

If I was rolling in money, then this wouldn't even be an issue but I'm not sure if its worth struggling to make ends meet and trying to work all the hours available just to send them to private school. I want to enjoy spending time with my girls and I hope spending time with them is just as beneficial. In my head, I know what the sensible thing to do is but its easy to get reeled in with how fantastic the school is etc..

 

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By KellySteer
16th Dec 2015 09:19

The fair reason

Hey Lilac1,
For me it depends mainly on the child. I think that private schools are genuinely better in terms of safety, but the rest I am not so sure. I prefer public schools. That is my opinion. The Social factor is something you have to consider.

Best Regards,
Kelly,
Islington, UK  

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By Yesican
16th Dec 2015 11:57

True about the child
My first one would probably "disappear" in a state school while my second one can survive anywhere. At the end of the day you need to make a choice you can live with. Most of the education should start from home. If I lived in a nicer area with good schools I would think twice about it. However as I live in a not so nice area and my kids didn't get places in the only 2 good faith schools, the decision wasn't a difficult one.

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Sarah Douglas - HouseTree Business Ltd
By sarah douglas
19th Dec 2015 17:03

I think it depends on the child

Bear with me .

In my family I went to a all girls private school from the beginning to the end.

  My sister went to another primary mixed private school but then came over to my school at the end of primary and for secondary.

 My brother went to all boys school at primary and hated it.  He then went to a mixed primary school with boys and girls and loved it and then went on to the local Comp and also liked it.  

My younger sister went to a state primary with boys and girls and loved it.  For secondary she came to my school  but remained very strong friends with the kids from primary,  I do not think she liked it as much and did  miss mix education. 

The same education would not have worked for us all because we were all different.  Whilst I had many male friends on the street. I did not want to go to a school with boys. Once my mum and Dad threaten it after I misbehaved and I told them they would never see me again.   I actually was very upset.  I guess they knew how to pull my strings .   My brother and sisters all loved their education but my brother did not like being in a private school in the beginning. 

I believe if you are a parent then get involved in the school as you will amazed what you find out good and bad.   All schools Private or State have good and  bad. In fact bully can be just as bad in private schools and it can be hidden more.  

My husband went to state school and has a masters in Science and two other degrees.   His Dad was a headmaster in primary and he is a strong believer in state education.  

So when it came to my son I was confused.  In the end my son went to State school and has just started Secondary.   I would say he struggled a bit but the school was right on top of it as is the secondary school.   He is now thriving and really loves school.  I have not seen him this happy ever.  His school has a outstanding music department and outstanding head that is at everything noon to night who is very proud of them all.    He greets all 800 in secondary school every morning off the school bus,   He actually said he was so proud of his school he had a tear in his eye on Thursday night.    You get such a positive feeling from the kids.  All the kids seem to really appreciate this. 

Personally I think a school is as good as the head and it filters down to the teachers.  In both my sons primary and secondary the teachers just love the kids and teaching which is not always the case.    Personally I think my son would have sunk in private school and felt very pressured.  

So I would make the decision on the Head teacher how many more years have they got are they just about to retire when your kids start.   Retired teachers are winding down where new heads are excited,  In my sons primary school a new head just started and we knew a lot about her and in the secondary school the new head has been there for 2 years.  

 

 

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