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Trying not to dwell

10th Apr 2013
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I'm still suffering from events in my last post, but we're moving past that and not dwelling so no more will be said here!  Actually 2 last things on that, I caught myself thinking 'maybe I'll get run over on the way home and this will all go away' which is stupid and made me realise I was taking this too much to heart, plus AW kindly emailed me an article about an accountant diverting funds and getting caught, making my problem laughably small in comparrison.

My brain continues to function admirably, with me pointing out flaws in the ideas of a partner (ok, so the self preservation but might need some work...) and my having worked out how to shorten the mail merge process, plus we are on top of the RTI system due in part to my efforts and time.  This should all make me happy, but my mind won't allow it.

I'm awaiting a call back from a client, I'm planning to stall for a few deep breaths before the call is put through which will hopefully keep me from babbling and confusing matters.  I'm currently stressing about the fact my wife is off to a running race tonight on her own and I feel I should be going with her rather than cycling home.  But it would be impractical and stupid to try and cycle there, then sit in the car waiting for her just so she doesn't have to carry keys with her.

In case you can't tell, I have issues with responsibility whereby I think anything I am involved in (or could be) becomes my fault if it goes wrong.  So if I had a file on my desk I had been looking over for, say, interest figures, and there was a dividend voucher tucked away which it later transpired hadn't been put on the system, I would feel it was my fault for not spotting the voucher, checking it to the system to see whether it had been included, and rectifying if not.  Even if the voucher was in a section of the file I wasn't looking in, and I hadn't done the job originally, and had no reason to suspect a dividend had been missed, and related to a year before I started working here, I would feel I was at least largely responsible (true story).  This does not suit an office environment where other people make mistakes.

I could adopt an approach of 'not my problem', but where do you draw the line?  I hate people who don't accept responsibility for their errors, I don't want to become them.

I suspect I will cycle home and await my wife's return, but I won't be happy while I do it.  Or maybe the endorphins will sort me out! :)

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By User deleted
10th Apr 2013 13:33

It probably won't help but....

You're not the only one who feels that way. I feel guilty if a client gets picked up for having missed some PAYE income off a tax return despite my not having had the info to put on the return and not having been able to pick it up through checking cumulative tax figures (because his latter employers (and there were several) used month 1 codes. The client has forgotten to provide it and has signed off the return but who feels bad - moi!

I don't know where you draw the line, probably at 'is it my job, can I reasonably be expected to have done it, would I reasonably expect someone else in my position to have done it' - the last one probably being the clincher. If you wouldn't beat someone else up in the same scenario why should you beat yourself up?

But I've yet to take my own advice.

If no-one has died as a result of your actions you're doing okay :)

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By thomas.peterson
10th Apr 2013 15:15

True

I'm glad (and sorry) I'm not alone, it is a pain though.

I'll bounce back, then there will be a few cheery posts!

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By User deleted
10th Apr 2013 18:01

Just remember that

Make sure you keep telling yourself that you'll bounce back any second - it can help ease the crappy moods a bit if you know they're not going to last.

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