Day one: Pizza and Pampers on the floor

The office resembled the scene of a particularly untidy tornado following a triumphant weekend-long slog that involved the whole team to file 90 final SA returns.

There was detritus everywhere - scattered papers, pizza, Starbucks trodden into carpet; heartburn pills and paracetamol, plus enough Pampers to last an infant into middle age. The Pampers, like the hot-water bottle and shaver lying on the floor, belonged to Barry Abacus, the practice manager, who slumbered quietly at his desk.

At 7am, his alarm went off. ‘Drrrrrring!’ Barry twitched.  “Erin?” he mumbled to his wife, before remembering that he wasn’t at home. Drowsily, he shaved at his desk and dropped his flash drive into his coffee. The office was still and dead, and Barry sympathised with it. He eyed his groaning in-tray with trepidation.

Where was Barry’s trademark start-the-week zip? It was already buried under February by the looks of things – otherwise known as the accountants’ graveyard watch, a month of toil and no deadlines. Barry rescued his flash drive and wiped it. He then found his mobile, selected Erin’s number and, still half-asleep, deleted it.

He had been trying to call to tell her he would be late again tonight. She wouldn’t be happy about it, particularly since he was supposed to bring the Pampers home yesterday. His daughter Clarice – the end user of said Pampers – is 15 months old but still doesn’t talk. Erin blames Barry. Barry blames Erin. Clarice, naturally, blames no one.

“Where’s your work/life balance?” I asked Barry in our first coaching session together that morning. “What do you get up to outside the office?” He looked blank.

“What makes your day? Delta Blues? The Berlin Phil? Fibonacci numbers? Honeybees? Mah-jong? The Muppets’ Christmas Carol? Teddy bears? Have you ever thought about it?” I asked. Barry remained silent.

Just then, Barry’s team arrived for work in tandem - the aspiring Silas Horne and recruitment’s great mistake, Cressida Lilywhite. It was time for me to leave. The team debrief was booked for the next day, which would be my first opportunity to get to know everyone.

Find out how it went next week.