Day three: March of the burger vans

The day after his altercation with burger van entrepreneur Charlie Tams, Barry Abacus asked to see me. Tams had stormed in, threatening to take his business to the firm across the road. Like the blood-drained heroine waving goodnight to Dracula, Barry wasn’t certain whether he was relieved to see him go or not.

I walked around while Barry settled and decided to get straight to the point. “Were you drinking on the way home, or did you get home and go out later?”, I asked.

“Yes”, he said obtusely.

“Did you have some of your drinks with Erin, or mention taking her out?”

“Sort of of”, he huffed. “She’s thinking about it”.

“Well she can’t just leave everything at the drop of a hat”, I reminded him.

“Yes she can, she’s always super-organised”.

At this point I noticed that Barry was sporting a rather sore-looking black eye. “Where did you get that?” It can’t have been Charlie Tams – we all heard him quite clearly screaming that it was Barry’s legs he wanted to break.
He blamed Clarice, saying he slipped against the corner of her cot when trying to kiss her goodnight. Typical Barry - blaming the infant for his eye, but taking the rap for the Tams fiasco. I wasn’t buying it. I reminded him that the situation wasn’t his fault. At the end of the day, it was Silas who blew it – he had immediate responsibility.

“I should have counted the returns more carefully,” muttered Barry. “There should’ve been 90. Maybe I fell asleep at 89”.

“That’s the problem”, I explained to Barry. “You need to approach work sound in mind and body and refreshed in spirit. Remember those breaks, Barry. The law of diminishing returns kicks in once you’ve gone for more than two hours without a break.”

Just then a whining, tuneless tenor voice came warbling through the corridor. It was Jeffrey Drum, the managing partner. Barry once described him to me as “a man whose accomplishments bore comparison with those of the Kray twins”. Having gotten to know him during my time at the practice, I can confirm that he’s the type who could have held the gunfight at the OK Corral all on his own. Jeffrey was on his way to discuss the Charlie Tams situation with Barry and Silas. Unfortunately the word ‘diplomatic’ wasn’t in his vocabulary.

Who will cop it for the Charlie Tams fiasco? Find out next week.