Day two: Where's the beef?

The team’s debrief focused on praising the stupendous effort everyone made over the weekend to file 90 last minute self assessments, as well as brainstorming for the next deadline. Practice manager Barry Abacus oversaw the meeting, which was attended by Cressida Lilywhite and Silas Horne.

“Congratulations team”, began Barry. There was a silence you could have cut with a piano wire. They must all have been afflicted with the February gloom that seemed to have gripped Barry during our last coaching session.

“What an effort, every return filed”, he exclaimed.

“Not quite every return”, countered Silas. “Tams came in on Friday with a shoebox full of receipts. I told him to sling it. If he gets away with being late this year, what will he try next year?”

Charlie Tams runs 250 burger vans in the local area, grossing £1.5 million.

“Was that wise?” queried Barry.

“Yes”, insisted Cressida. “I’m unused to such behaviour”.

“Since Cressida’s CV contains 18 pages of previously held posts, none of them relating to accountancy, what is she used to?!”, asked Barry during one of our subsequent coaching sessions.

Nevertheless, he kept the peace during the meeting. “Noted for next time”, he said.

“I’ll be Mrs Lilywhite by then!”, she said excitably.

“Are you marrying into your own family then?”, mused Silas.

At that point, Barry’s mobile rang. “No phones allowed in meetings”, chimed Silas. Defiantly, Barry took the call anyway. It was a woman’s voice. “Who’s this?”, he enquired irritably. The woman burst into tears. “My wife”, he whispered to his colleagues.

“I’ll call you back. I’m busy”, Barry hissed into the phone. This was untrue because Silas and Cressida had already left the room.

My chat with Barry later that day was an eye opener. “Ok, so you accidentally deleted her number, but how come you only recognise your wife if your phone displays her name?” I asked him. “Remember what I said about taking breaks? Now’s a good time. Talk to your wife. Take her somewhere this week”.

“She’s out shopping every day”, he countered.

“That’s not the point Barry, it’s about spending time together. Why not take her somewhere entertaining? There’s the Metropolitan Police Male Voice Choir at the Festival Hall, right up your street! Or there’s Pollini playing Chopin on the South Bank. Why not treat her to something different?”

“I don’t fancy any of that”, he said.

“It’s not for you, Barry. It’s for Erin”.

At that point, Cressida popped her head round the door. “Mr Tams is asking to see you Barry”. A look of fear flashed across Barry’s face for a split second, and vanished just as quickly.

What beef does Charlie Tams have with Barry? Find out next week.