Going to be arrested!

I just wanted to say a quick goodbye as I've had an email from the FBI Office saying 'We the FBI have warrant to arrest you get back to us for your own good'! I'm tempted to have the writer arrested for appalling grammar but figured that might increase my sentence when they catch me. It's a great way of cutting costs though - simply email your criminals, tell them you've got the warrant and invite them to hand themselves in. No more running round the country trying to find them. I'm impressed.

Do you think they have an office here in the UK or do they expect me to jump on a plane to the US?

Comments
ShirleyM's picture

haha ... that's a new one :)

ShirleyM | | Permalink

I will visit you in the clink, providing you are incarcerated in the UK (I don't have a passport!).

The big question is ...who will save the Universe once you are out of action?

johnjenkins's picture

I presume there is

johnjenkins | | Permalink

a link somewhere to give your bank details.

A 14 year old friend of ours went on a slighty riske site and up popped a locking page inviting him to pay £100 to be unlocked. It lasted 24 hours before everything was back to normal.

Joking apart it's quite frightening what could happen in this techno based world.

Henry Osadzinski's picture

Everything so long as it's Spam

Henry Osadzinski | | Permalink

You should see the daily deluge of these kind of messages that we get through the contact forms for all of our sites. If even a fraction of it was real, I'd be wanted across most of the world and a millionaire several times over! 

Democratus's picture

FREE THE AWEB 1

Democratus | | Permalink

Don't worry Flash I have already started a campaign to free you, meanwhile you can head off to the local consulate of your friendly neighbourhood crackpot South American country.

I'll have the website up shortly, and am expecting a host of celebs to come to your aid. Once the bank account is open I'll get my Nigerian finance team onto it, they seem to be good at fundraising.

I suggest a change of name and image, you are too easily recognised with that red outfit, shock of blonde hair, manly physique and overall aire of heroic bon homie. Even the most feeble minded G Man would be able to find you.

Never worry about saving the world, you've done more than your fair share.

 

Flash Gordon's picture

No knock yet...

Flash Gordon | | Permalink

Ta Democatus, I fancy the idea of a few celebs supporting my cause! Not quite sure who though. I'm sure HM The Queen would be willing to say a few words on my behalf, failing that maybe Helen Mirren could don her crown again. No politicians though, I think I'd trust Ming's word more!

There wasn't actually any request for money which was a bit slack of them. They missed a trick on not saying 'pay us a hefty bribe via our dodgy account and we'll let you off'.

But I'm wearing a dark wig and have changed my outfit. Sadly the years of post-Ming, post-NFL life have meant that my physique is not quite as good as previously (which may have put the Fibbies off) but once a hero, always a hero. I can't help rushing after little old ladies to carry their shopping however hard I try. Maybe South America would be a good idea after all - there must be a few even-less-honest-than-over-here politicians there that I could sort out while evading capture for my heinous crimes. And I could work on my tan :)

Will send a postcard!

p.s. Shirley, I can always lend you my rocket cycle - no need for a passport then!

Constantly Confused's picture

Hitman    2 thanks

Constantly Confused | | Permalink

I once got an email from a gentleman who said he had been contracted to kill me by one of my friends.  Imagine my suprise (especially as I have no friends, aside from my imaginary friend Thomas, and he would never hurt me)!

Luckily said hitman was very helpful, wracked with remorse as he 'had observed me and knew me to be innocent of all crimes' and suggested I wire him $20,000 and he would call off the hit.

I obviously sent a stern reply pointing out his lack of professionalism at not completing a contract he had agreed to and am still waiting for a red dot to appear on my desk to signal the end of my life on this Earth.

 

johnjenkins's picture

As your going to

johnjenkins | | Permalink

snuff it very soon, would you please send me a couple of thou. You see I was doing a bit of gardening and these two lovely young ladies appeared from nowhere. Of course they tricked me (claimed they were selling SC shares at rock bottom prices) into their motor and prceeded to kidnap me. I am now on a beach somewhere idllyic with no means of getting home to my clematis. I only have this one opportunity to contact someone, and reading your predicament I thought fate is going to help me get out of this situation. Please don't send any money yet as I won't be allowed to have free time again for a couple of weeks. If you are willing to help please put an advert in the personal section of the Sunday Times quoting ref. daehkcid. If you are too traumatised to help please pass this on to someone who you feel has the bank account to help. Lord Coe perhaps. Sorry I have to go now they want me to aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.

@johnjenkins

chatman | | Permalink

Might be the same two young ladies who tricked me when I was filling up with petrol. Dressed only in bikinis they offered to valet my car. Before I knew it, one was performing unspeakable acts on me in the front seat whilst the other was removing my wallet and valuables from my jacket in the back seat. They got me like this last Thursday morning. Then again on Thursday afternoon, Friday and twice on Saturday. 

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