How you can boost the UK economy!

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.

Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka .

* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ..

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea ..

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

1) Spending it at car boot sales, or

2) Going to night clubs, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or whisky or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

Conclusion:

Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night.

No need to thank me, I'm just doing my bit for the economy.

Comments

How you can boost the UK economy!

Mark Duffy | | Permalink

Just joined this group. need advice on hoe to fill in a VAT return.  Jumped to this as the question interested me. OK so its funny but what about at least some serious thought somewhere or is this group full of people who see the UK's economy as a waste of time in particular Manufacturing. The UK has the largest Car manufacturing ever. So what if its owned by overseas companies. Those working in it don't care. Please use your imagination and talent to create the opposite. 

thought this was hilariuos- I

max-mum | | Permalink

thought this was hilariuos- I needed chering up! plenty of serious stuff elsewhere Mark!

How you can boost the UK economy!

HUGH W DUNLOP | | Permalink

Cut out all the stupid and mainly not easily understood tax laws ,giving access to loopholes ( far be it from me to suggest that many of these are deliberately built in to be exploited for large fees)

Cut out interference from the government in business.

Let owners run their businesses as they should be.

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