A thought for the weekend - if you could what would you UNinvent

If you could change history so that just one thing was never invented what would it be (serious or not so serious) and why ?

 

My shortlist might include -

  • Mobile phones - because I'm sick of idiots yelling down them in shops, trains etc.
  • America - I suspect the world would be a better place if Columbus actually had fallen off the edge of the world.
  • Kippers - who the hell thought it a good idea to put so little meat around so many bones :)
  • AWeb forum - because its too addictive and stops me doing boring stuff like accounts.
  • Speed cameras aka Piggy banks.

 

 

Comments
thisistibi's picture

Microwaves

thisistibi | | Permalink

Because they're horrid.

The Need For Accountants

rhewitt296 | | Permalink

That way although I would be out of a job I could live my life as a full time surf and snowboard bum as nature intended. :D

my list

accountright | | Permalink

 

  • Bicycle trailers - very small children and babies being towed along a main road in a mini caravan by their "responsible" parent is just so dangerous.
  • Caravans - I'm with Clarkson on this one.
  • tea bags - because you get a much better cup of tea with proper leaf tea and a tea pot
  • sealed plastic packaging - because you need a chainsaw to open anything sealed this way

 

Polly

 

Owain_Glyndwr's picture

Polly

Owain_Glyndwr | | Permalink

accountright

  • sealed plastic packaging - because you need a chainsaw to open anything sealed this way

 

 

 

How did I forget that one?

I've had many a salad sandwich without the cheese because I simply cant get into the prepacked supermarket cheese without a stick of gelignite, or a Black & Decker.

I have mental pictures of old people dying from starvation while packs of cheese sit in their fridge defying them to find a way to break through the plastic armour it wears.

 

I've been known to have to resort to using a knife to break into packets of biscuits too.

 

However, the worse one I ever encountered was a mouse I bought from PC World. it was in one of those plastic packs that hang on a rack, and the plastic was so thick even a knife couldnt penetrate it.  It did have a "pull here" arrow on it - now I'm no weakling but 10 minutes of sweating later I hadnt parted the two bits of plastic.

Maybe a crack squadron from the SAS and a couple of demolition experts should be supplied with every pack.

As far as I know to this day that mouse is in the cupboard, still safe in its plastic overcoat.

 

 

Paul Scholes's picture

How long you got?

Paul Scholes | | Permalink

Tea bags (too);

Mining drill bits, so we could leave it all underground.

Biscuits; it's personal.

Think someone else mentioned this one: Clarkson, he's a waste of molecules.

 

 

Old Greying Accountant's picture

OK ...

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink
  1. Internal combustion engine - slow down the pace of life and save lives too
  2. The means to store and create electricity (especially the wind turbines that blight the sky line)
  3. Genetic alteration, I know there are benefits, but the dark side is too dark too justify it
  4. Chemical additives and fertilisers
  5. Liked with 2, television and computers, again, the downsides outweigh the good
  6. Explosives for (hopefully) obvious reasons, especially in relation to weaponry.
Flash Gordon's picture

Get shot of...

Flash Gordon | | Permalink

telephones. And the 24-7 culture that goes with them. Very handy for emergencies but I detest (with a passion) people thinking that they can get hold of you any time just because they want something. Nothing is ever that urgent.

But I love email. And the post, in theory, is even better as it's contact without contact and doesn't expect an instant response. Shame the postal service isn't as good as it used to be though. That's why email is better, more reliable.

Weapons of mass destruction. We should return to a time where wars were fought with swords. That way you see the face of the person you're killing.

Rubbish dumps. Make every council implement maximum recycling (I'm conveniently ignoring the cost). It's pointless a shop saying its packaging is fully recyclable if my council will only handle the bare minimum.

 

Owain_Glyndwr's picture

Global warming/cooling aka - weather.

Owain_Glyndwr | | Permalink

OK ...Old Greying Acc...

  1. Internal combustion engine - slow down the pace of life and save lives too"

 

 

What sacralidge - as a confirmed "petrol head" you really should be horse whipped for even thinking of such a thing.

 

I would like to deinvent the global warming myth. Never in history has so much hot air been expounded on something that doesnt exist. The whol;e thing reminds me of the witch hunts of the middle ages.

 

Steve Holloway's picture

The bicycle ....

Steve Holloway | | Permalink

Ok, possibly it represented some advance (aka poo reduction) over the horse but surely it was only intended as a stop-gap before the car / motor cycle was invented? Certainly they were never intended to share the same bit of tarmac (and still shouldn't).

Still, I've learnt something from this discussion in that I have never found a tab to separate that plastic packaging on electrical items ... I always go straight for a carving knife!

 

 

Democratus's picture

This is too difficult as there's so much

Democratus | | Permalink
  • ITV - really what's it good for - absolutely nothing.
  • Again caravans
  • "yoof speak" like you know like innit
  • Religions - yeah all of them.
  • Twitter - never used it but can't see the point of "following" the digital excrement of so called celebrities. Who cares really.
  • Personal Injury lawyers
  • Tobacco - and related smelly weeds.
  • Strictly Come Dancing - I don't get it but it really affects Mrs D and daughter D.
  • MPs expenses.
  • Royalty
  • Did i mention caravans?
  • Slavery

I'll stop now for a break but i may come back with more.

Paul Scholes's picture

A new one

Paul Scholes | | Permalink

Red or Black - reason......do I really have to say?

@D

how did I miss religions? 

Can I ask you to differentiate static caravans from the wobbly dragged ones?

Democratus's picture

Re Caravans

Democratus | | Permalink

I am really referring to those ridiculous contraptions which are driven during the hours of 6.00am to midnight on roads that are too small, or on roads which are used by "normal" people to get about on, by drivers who are inconsiderate and selfish.

If they were only allowed on the public highway from midnight to say 6.00 a.m. then no problem.

Other caravans, e.g static, and those nice wooden ones drawn by horses which remind me of a bygone era are OK.

Haven't seem Red or Black but i guess it's an ITV thing so i covered it in my blanket approach.

mwngiol's picture

Agree with a couple of Democratus' ones

mwngiol | | Permalink

Main one has to be religions. The world would so much more advanced without them.

Also personal injury lawyers. But I would have this under a blanket heading of American trends which come over here. America would be fantastic if it wasn't filled with Americans.

Reality TV and 'celebrity' shows featuring people who used to be vaguely famous at best and can't handle the fact the the public lost interest in them.

Weapons. If nobody had them then nobody else would need them.

Think about the concequences

rhewitt296 | | Permalink

If we didn't have weapons what would we do if there was a zombie or alien invasion? You need to consider these things as well. Plus most weapons were invented as hunting tools it was just the crazies that decided to use them on each other. Maybe we should just uninvent crazy people?

Locutus's picture

The "ribbon" interface in Office 2007 and Office 2010

Locutus | | Permalink

After 3 months of using this newfangled ribbon interface, I fail to see how it improves productivity, as I now have to trawl through umpteen different screens looking for the thing I want, whereas before it was always pretty much in one place.

Another gripe, even though I got it pre-installed with a new super powerful new laptop is it actually runs SLOWER than an old version of Office 2000 that I had on my Intel Atom netbook.

Is this progress?  Seriously considering free alternatives net time, such as Open Office or Libre Office.

P.S. I'm not a technophobe, I actually look forward to new technology when it works.

Flash Gordon's picture

A few more

Flash Gordon | | Permalink

Tipping (people not rubbish, well and rubbish) - you do your job, you get paid, end of.

Kerry Katona - do I even need to explain...

The phrases beginning 'the people's ...' as in the people's princess etc

OTT public displays of grief - particularly for people you've never even met. Please note that when I die I don't want a full six months of mourning with everyone from AWeb sobbing on the evening news about how tragic it is (though naturally it will be). Just a simple service in Westminster Abbey with the Queen doing a couple of well-chosen sermons (in Latin please), a sprinkling of celebs (attractive women - Helen Mirren, Amanda Donohoe, Amanda Redman etc) and the route lined with rose petals. And a 21 gun salute and a flypast please. And the AWeb site showing nothing but a heartfelt tribute to me with a condolence page (or twenty)

The Daily Mail - if I want fiction I'll get my Enid Blyton collection out.

Pippa Middleton & her entire family (my dog has a better rear than her, and a better face, and more personality)

Hair clippers for use at home - I really should know better by now!

 

 

ShirleyM's picture

So many that I agree with ....

ShirleyM | | Permalink

Religion ... causes more problems than it solves

War ... same again

Personal Injury Lawyers .... same again

MP's expenses is a good one - let them pay tax like the commoners :)

Slavery

Crime

Genetic engineering

Unnatural foods stuffed full of additives and anti-oxidants

Cruelty

Rubbish & toxic waste dumps

Worshipping of celebrities and OTT public displays of grief (somehow these seem like a replacement for religion and are just as bad)

... better stop there before I run out of space ;)

Owain_Glyndwr's picture

USA?

Owain_Glyndwr | | Permalink

ANYTHING coming from America, particularly the remnants of their hurricanes.

 

 

Flash Gordon's picture

Keeping the USA

Flash Gordon | | Permalink

I'd keep them - great football & great cop shows.

Now the Welsh - all they've given me is leeks & some lamb chops......

Steve Holloway's picture

Leeks & lamb shops .... yummmm!

Steve Holloway | | Permalink

... although we have leeks in our garden and I can see sheep from where I am sitting today so I guess Wales is indeed excess to requirements.

Can I add:

Competitions on TV/Radio for the terminally stupid .. you know ... Julie Andrews was a famous A: Actress  B:Brain Surgeon  C:Set of patio furniture.

The word 'entitlements' brought in by New Labour to stop people feeling guilty about drawing benefits.

Tattoos -  I could tolerate them on builders and ex-paras but on girls they just look skanky I'm afraid. Piercing (or normal stuff) I find quite cool, however so that can stay.

McDonalds (other fast food establishments are available) - these places are the anti-christ of everything that is decent in sustainable food production. They have no respect for the food chain that ends up as a Mcburger and breed covenient ignorance that it is actually made of something that once moo'd.

Shopping malls - Everything I hate in a convenient 3 floors of air-conditioned luxury.

Bank greeting staff - I am 45, I am aware of the concept of a bank and how it works ... leave me alone your freaks.

 

 

 

Flash Gordon's picture

Supermarket packers

Flash Gordon | | Permalink

'Do you need help packing?'

I'm standing there, my carrier bags at the ready, expectant look on my face, able-bodied and without any obvious impairment - why would I need help packing the 5 items I'm buying?!!

Old Greying Accountant's picture

That reminds me Steve ...

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

Steve Holloway wrote:

Tattoos -  I could tolerate them on builders and ex-paras but on girls they just look skanky I'm afraid. Piercing (or normal stuff) I find quite cool, however so that can stay.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R61a47HlT3M&feature=related 

 

paulgrca.net's picture

Just two

paulgrca.net | | Permalink

Simon Cowell and all his TV programmes plus Ed Balls (never has a politician been more appropriatley named!)

Old Greying Accountant's picture

Why stop at Supermarket packers ...

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

... just get shot of Supermarkets!

Locutus's picture

More things to get rid of

Locutus | | Permalink

Agree with getting rid of Cowell (plus X-Factor and all that tosh), Ed Balls (including his "global Plan B" mantra) and religion.

Let's also get of the: -

1.  The "cult of celebrity";

2.  Overpaid footballers ... actually why not all "professional" football;

3.  That silly "rights attached to shares" question on annual returns.  What's the point of that - everyone just copies and pastes the standard text now;

4.  Money laundering regulations from the last 10 years - sorry David Winch;

5.  Chavs, hoodies, yoof-speak, gangsta rap ... actually anyone between the ages of 13 and 18;

6.  GCSEs - make them do proper exams like I had to;

But I disagree with getting rid of supermarkets.  Their convenient and I don't want to become a hunter-gatherer!

thisistibi's picture

Ribbon bar

thisistibi | | Permalink

0103953 wrote:

After 3 months of using this newfangled ribbon interface, I fail to see how it improves productivity, as I now have to trawl through umpteen different screens looking for the thing I want, whereas before it was always pretty much in one place.

Totally unfair - the ribbon interface is good.  You're not the only person who I've heard complain about it by any means, but it's proven technology once you've learnt the new way of doing things.  Give it a proper chance. 

One thing to mention is that "now have to trawl through umpteen different screens" is no different to all the stupid drop-down menus in previous versions of Office.  It's just you learnt where everything was and you're used to it.

Democratus's picture

Back to UNInvent

Democratus | | Permalink

I amongst others seem to have turned this into a rant. Sorry. OGA has the correct thread for that and most excellent it is.

As the young Welsh Prince intimated I have tried to limit myself to mechanical or technological devices in this list. It's not nearly as cathartic as listing annoying things but here goes.

  • TVs with only one remote control. There should be an overriding one for Men or none at all.
  • Things that use electricity when the manual version is better, e.g. electric knives, toothbrushes, razors, etc
  • Caravans (can't resist)
  • Speed Cameras
  • Auto dialling
  • Homeopathy (not sure that was invented though)

Actually there's not much -  I quite like invented things. I may revert to ranting in general.

and another thing

accountright | | Permalink

 

@Democratus

Thank you for reminding me:

  • Automatic answering machines:  press 1 for nice music, press 2 for somebody who is very nice but no "bldy" use at all, press 3 to be cut off!

Sorry, bit of a rant but I hate them with a passion.

Polly

 

Old Greying Accountant's picture

Nor do I!

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

0103953 wrote:

But I disagree with getting rid of supermarkets.  Their convenient and I don't want to become a hunter-gatherer!

But a proper high street with a butcher who doesn't talk tripe; a baker who know's how to bake when he kneads to; a green grocer who really knows his onions; and a fish shop that know's his fish from every "angle" is far preferable. What do they say about Jack of All trades? They will be doing your tax return for you whilst you wait in the queue next!

Old Greying Accountant's picture

Couldn't agree more ...

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

Democratus wrote:

 

  • Things that use electricity when the manual version is better, e.g. electric knives, toothbrushes, razors, etc

There is something that satisfies the primeval in me about honing my Sabatier ready for the Sunday roast carving ritual.

That reminds me, another one for the rant list - people who don't know when meal times are :o). Am I the only one who thinks "what the heck meal is that" when you see a family tucking in to some great repast in a restaurant at some stupid hour, like 11am or 3.30pm

Oh, that's another for the uninvent - blooming 24 hour clock, what is wrong the with old post and ante meridian nomenclature?

Owain_Glyndwr's picture

School run

Owain_Glyndwr | | Permalink

Having encountered it this afternoon, can someone univent or abolish the SCHOOL RUN !

Why do mothers think they need a dam "people carrier" to get two sprogs half a mile from school to home ?  Have kids started losing the use of their legs or something, or is it that the mothers are too fat and idle to walk with them?

 

ShirleyM's picture

Re-runs    1 thanks

ShirleyM | | Permalink

I get sick and tired of reruns and repeats!

 

Old Greying Accountant's picture

That said ...

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

... who saw "Outnumbered" and the father/son discussion about Mum's on the  school run?

uninvent

sarah douglas | | Permalink

 

Ugly motorways and cars. Bring back steam trains ( Just some. They were bad for the environment but they are lovely ) and have  trams like  in europe but for everywhere. 

 Cars are to blame for Jermony Clarkson and his stupid side kicks. 

Supermarkets for killing off local shops and communitys  and selling the worst fruit and veg ever .There all as bad as each other.  

Plastic bags , horrible things as they pollute beaches and cause havoc to wildlife.

Facebook .  Get a life, keep it private and spend some real time with your friends actually doing something instead of been on a computer or give them a nice phone call.  And stop taking the assumption everyone is on facebook.  ( I know to much generalising but I needed a rant about facebook)

Twitter a load of .  Again keep it private.

Whoever invented the culture that everyone tells everyone what they are up to.  It now regarded as normal that you  let some one know what your up to .  What ever happen to pottering and changing your mind .  Love to potter in town with no time limit and  you will see me when you see me.  Lucky the whole family is the same.  

 

Lisa_Mandy's picture

Zombies R Us

Lisa_Mandy | | Permalink

rhewitt296 wrote:

If we didn't have weapons what would we do if there was a zombie or alien invasion? You need to consider these things as well.

 

Agreed x 1,000.

 

Tip for the wise, you can get a petrol powered chainsaw in Lidl for the bargain price of £99.00 today.  Just in case it kicks off tonight is all I'm saying.  It never hurts to be prepared.

mwngiol's picture

I forgot this one!

mwngiol | | Permalink

The whole 'I was mistreated as a child' genre of books.

There's nothing more annoying than sitting in the staff canteen listening to the female staff talking about these books..."Ooh I just finished reading 'My Father Nailed Me to a Chair' last night"..."Ooh was it sad?".."Ooh yes really sad"..."Ooh can I borrow it?"..."Ooh yes, can I borrow 'Daddy Why Did You Suspend Me From The Ceiling?", I've heard that's really sad too"...."Ooh yes it is, of course you can borrow it. I'm thinking of buying 'My Foster Parents Sellotaped Me to a Horse' next, I've heard it's really sad"...."Ooh yes I've got that, you can borrow it, it's really sad"

thisistibi's picture

Emotions

thisistibi | | Permalink

mwngiol wrote:

The whole 'I was mistreated as a child' genre of books.

There's nothing more annoying than sitting in the staff canteen listening to the female staff talking about these books..."Ooh I just finished reading 'My Father Nailed Me to a Chair' last night"..."Ooh was it sad?".."Ooh yes really sad"..."Ooh can I borrow it?"..."Ooh yes, can I borrow 'Daddy Why Did You Suspend Me From The Ceiling?", I've heard that's really sad too"...."Ooh yes it is, of course you can borrow it. I'm thinking of buying 'My Foster Parents Sellotaped Me to a Horse' next, I've heard it's really sad"...."Ooh yes I've got that, you can borrow it, it's really sad"

I agree 100%.  But I think women are tuned into the whole emotion thing, much more so than men.  It's why they get sucked into soaps like Eastenders, which is basically the same sort of crap.

Steady on you two!

accountright | | Permalink

thisistibi wrote:

mwngiol wrote:

The whole 'I was mistreated as a child' genre of books.

There's nothing more annoying than sitting in the staff canteen listening to the female staff talking about these books..."Ooh I just finished reading 'My Father Nailed Me to a Chair' last night"..."Ooh was it sad?".."Ooh yes really sad"..."Ooh can I borrow it?"..."Ooh yes, can I borrow 'Daddy Why Did You Suspend Me From The Ceiling?", I've heard that's really sad too"...."Ooh yes it is, of course you can borrow it. I'm thinking of buying 'My Foster Parents Sellotaped Me to a Horse' next, I've heard it's really sad"...."Ooh yes I've got that, you can borrow it, it's really sad"

I agree 100%.  But I think women are tuned into the whole emotion thing, much more so than men.  It's why they get sucked into soaps like Eastenders, which is basically the same sort of crap.

 

Not all women like that sort of thing.  I for one think Eastbenders is a load of rubbish, very depressing! And as for those "mistreated as a child" books, can't abide them either.  Now Downton Abbey, that's a different kettle of fish altogether.

Polly

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