New jokes

Heard any new accountant jokes recently? I keep hearing the same old ones all the time! We need some fresh material. Here's a geeky one borrowed from our pal Mark Lee's blog:

The 5 laws of accountancy
1. Trial balances don’t
2. Working Capital does not
3. Liquidity tends to run out
4. Return on investments never will
5. The bottom line is only the tip of the iceberg.

 

Comments
john mardle's picture

Great to know such humour exists

john mardle | | Permalink

Being a working capital expert where demand,supply and reverse supply chains are talked about then you can imagine the 'toilet' humour that ensues when we talk about the 'pulling the chain'

As with cash 'flow' we often get linkages to suggesting that it is 'blocked' etc

John Mardle

0795 756 7053

www.capcut.org

carnmores's picture

Gina

carnmores | | Permalink

your having a laugh arent you

Gina Dyer's picture

More jokes!    1 thanks

Gina Dyer | | Permalink

Unfortunately, John, I like toilet humour! We don't seem to be getting many new jokes though. Here are a few more I've heard on my travels so far...

Q. What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
A. Someone who has a loophole named after him.

There was a great thread on this on AWEB a while ago. One of my faves was this one:

An accountant banker and solicitor were called in to see an important client
"I am dying and i want to take it all with me" he said
You will each take one of thes envelopes containing £1m and put it
in my coffin just before they screw down the lid.
They all agreed to comply.
The client died and at the funeral they all put their envelopes in the coffin and the man was duly buried.
At the wake in the pub the three found themselves in a corner
The banker said "As we're on our own I have a confession to make
Old Barard was a skinflint who never said thank you for all i did for him so before I put the envelope in I took out £10,000 .
"I'm glad you said that "said the solicitor " I agree he was a mean old *** and I took £20,000 out to cover my pain and under recoveries on scale"

They looked at the accountant who smiled and said "I am surprised at you both I put a cheque in for the full amount"

Old Greying Accountant's picture

OK, apologies to DailyMailophobes...

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

... as they realise what they are missing!

This is my rendition of a joke in a recent edition, tickled me anyway.

A French balloonist took off for a flight one day but got blown off course and crashed in a tree at the edge of a remote field in Kent. He came round to find himself inverted many feet in the air, and very disorientated. As he gathered his wits he saw a man walking along the lane that  ran by the field.

He called out for the man's attention, and asked if the chap could tell him where he was. To which the fellow replied, you are hanging upside down in the basket of a balloon that is caught in a tree at the edge of a field.  

The Frenchman said "Sacre bleu" that's all I need, an accountant!

The man retorted, how did you know I was an accountant?

The Frenchman said, that is easy, what you told me was absolutely correct in every detail, but of no use what so ever!

 

 

 

RedTapeDoc's picture

Accountant Joke

RedTapeDoc | | Permalink

 

If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say?
"Darling, could you tell me about your work."
 

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

"Have you tried counting sheep?"

"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

BirdnCo's picture

The old ones are best

BirdnCo | | Permalink

You can't beat them can you?

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper!

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