"How to Sort Out the Economy!!" | AccountingWEB

"How to Sort Out the Economy!!"

 I received this "funny" in an email from a client and thought I should share it with AW members!!

Subject: Letter to Mr Cameron; GENIUS
Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money
on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following

1) They MUST retire.
Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car.
Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....
And there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their
falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment,
wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped
instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and
returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and
snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling,
pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens..

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would
have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay
£600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow
epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost
three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to
locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow.


Old Greying Accountant's picture

I know it's only July ...

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

... but I think we can close the post of the year award now!

tracybbs's picture


tracybbs | | Permalink

That was brilliant and i will be printing it out to show others!

You've got my vote!

TinaLittle | | Permalink

I'm hitting 50 soon and all for getting a million, stopping work and having my house paid off. I would even look forward to prison!

Monsoon's picture

Love this

Monsoon | | Permalink

Love it. If only something like this would actually happen (and indeed if only I was 20 years older - not often you hear me say that!)

How sad

the_Poacher | | Permalink

I came across this interesting thread just after the Chancellor announced that we'd all have to work longer to get our measly state pension. At the same time he's giving NI incentives to firms to take on young people, duh!

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