Poetry | AccountingWEB


C'mon you poets ... give us a sample of your creative talents please. I'm even going to have a go myself!

ShirleyM's picture

A few AWeb personalities

ShirleyM | | Permalink

First, Auntie Becky is the boss, She wields the sword, and calls the toss, No troll shall pass without her knowing, And soon her line they will be toeing.

 John Stokdyk is a likeable chap, But sometimes he gives us a slap, John chooses content, makes the rules, And doesn’t treat us all like fools. Rebecca is our strength (in tax), And never can get to relax, We hound her hard to make her see, That we don’t trust HMRC. Our David Winch is guide and mentor, (though really he is no inventor), Facts and figures are his game, To which he proudly puts his name. Poor Albert has a tale of woe, He suffered from a frightful foe, But guts, and friendship, pulled him through, And now he has a future, too. Flash Gordon is the forums hero, Whose enemies are now at zero, Flash can disarm with simple humour, And turn our thoughts away from rumour. Last of all is the resident troll, Who flames and wars, so very droll, The rules are broken every day, But ShirleyM has had her say!  Sorry! I couldn't mention everyone, and no offence intended! I've tried to get the formatting to work, and can't, so maybe my idea is a no-go.

stepurhan's picture

Auditors are people too

stepurhan | | Permalink

Auditors are people too, we’re not nasty and mean
No need for fear and loathing whenever we are seen
Don’t hide behind your desk or go and nervously take flight
We’re only there to try to make sure everything’s all right
So when we do a test it isn’t just because we can
It’s to check your system’s working right all neatly spick and span
When we ask awkward questions it’s simply that we care
That your records may be incomplete with not all you need there
We look for fraud it’s true but hope to find it? We do not!
Dealing with fraud just adds more to the work that is our lot
Yes auditors are lovely with a helpful task to do
It’s only incidental when we make more work for you
I hope that now you understand and so, what do you say
Will you fight prejudice and hug an auditor today?

Old Greying Accountant's picture

Mortally offended as I am, I will post some of my doggerel thou

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

Sorry, not an accounting one, but thinking laterally ...

If you paste and save in word pad first you can get some formatting (a tip I picked up from someone else on here)



Mighty iron giants

Striding hand in hand

Stretching over green fields

Bringing power to the land


Standing tall and silent

Limbs held high aloft

Taking light and heat

To factory farm and croft


Like giant ferrous spiders

Spinning webs galore

To catch the spark of life

And pass it to your door


Strands of humming gossamer

Crackle overhead

Carrying the means to live

But touch and you’ll be dead


Trees bow down before them

Nothing halts their march

But you may get wayleave

If your demesne they arch


We cannot live without them

Though the sky they blight

Always towering over

Never far from sight


Their current like a river

Flows out from the source

Keeping all mankind alive

A wondrous resource


But sometimes still I ponder

A world without their care

Could we live without them

I wonder if we dare



cathygrimmer's picture

A Parody

cathygrimmer | | Permalink

Love the poems all. Here's one of mine - it's a parody on The Listeners by Walter De La Mare - a little out of date now but what the hell!


 Canvassing for Votes

 "Is anyone there?" said the CandidateKnocking on the sunlit door;And his driver in the quiet chomped a sandwichAnd listened to Radio 4.A bird flying over passed commentOn top of the Candidate’s head;And he smote upon the door the second time;"Is there anybody there?" he said.But no one came to greet the CandidateNo tweak of the net at the sillNo face to flash his smile atAs he stood perplexed and still.He knew they were in there listeningWaiting for him to be goneThat then they would make a coffeeAnd turn the TV back on.He put his good eye to the letter boxLooking into the empty hall,Hoping they would give up hidingAnd answer him after all.He sensed in his heart they were ToriesAnd wouldn’t give him a vote.But this was the third house runningSo again on the door he smote.And he banged even harder and shouted"Please vote for me instead.I’ve promised reform and new policiesAnd I’ll keep my word" he said.Not a sound did he hear from the listenersThough he knew they heard him speak"Vote Brown – so I can stay Prime MinisterAfter the election next week."And they heard him mutter "Tory Numpties"As he strode off across the lawn,And how the silence surged softly backwardWhen his size ten brogues had gone.

cathygrimmer's picture


cathygrimmer | | Permalink

Tried the paste and save in WordPad and it didn't make any difference - any tips on what I'm doing wrong?


ShirleyM's picture


ShirleyM | | Permalink

I tried Note pad, and that didn't work either.

Come tomorrow (hopefully), we will be able to paste from Word :)

Old Greying Accountant's picture

I typed in word

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

copied to word pad and saved (it saved as an rtf file) then copied and pasted to AW. I'm on Office 2003, may be if you are on one of the new fangled versions they do it differently.

Immortalised in verse!

Flash Gordon | | Permalink

Now I know how Achilles felt after Homer had immortalised him in The Iliad! Although I can't help thinking my Classical Civilisation A-Level would have been more interesting if we'd been studying Shirley's writings instead of Homer's :)

I'm very impressed at the talent on here. Mine sadly is not quite so good but the below is one of my efforts fromwhen I was doing a creative writing course a couple of years back. Just to put it in context I was decorating at the time and felt lousy and overworked.....


Sore throat,Fuzzy head,Feeling lousy,Wanting bed. Pile of paper,Work to do,So little time,So much to do. Painting waiting,Doors and frames,Beware of pussy cats,Wanting games. Tiny paw prints,In wet paint,“No not me Mum,I’m a saint” Innocent look,Big wide eyes,From the hallway,Plaintive cries. Little brother,Looking sad,“It was me,Is Mummy mad?” Early bed,For naughty boys,No evening cuddles,No play with toys. Bed for all,Work will keep,All tucked up,And fast asleep. 

And despite looking fine on preview once its posted the formatting goes!

ShirleyM's picture

I've got a solution

ShirleyM | | Permalink

We could all email our poems to OGA, and OGA can format them and paste into AWeb for us ......

.... or we can wait for the new super duper AWeb where we can paste from Word :)

Old Greying Accountant's picture

Anything's possible ...

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

... for a small fee of course!



BTW, will we get proper smilies tomorrow?

Old Greying Accountant's picture

Anyway, talk about ...

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

... the cheek of Old Nick.

You write a poem mentioning all the AW contributors, bar one, then expect that one to format your poems for you!


ShirleyM's picture


ShirleyM | | Permalink

I thought you enjoyed helping your fellow AWeb members OGA ;)

I am sorry to inform you that your formatting skills may be redundant after today, if the new AWeb is on schedule.

It seems I have also started a brand new problem by being discriminatory with my poem (if it can be descibed as such ... I would be really chuffed if it was). Should I change career?   ;)


Old Greying Accountant's picture

For you Shirley (bill's in the post - :o) )

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink


I don't what the problem is, took less than a minute to do this for you! May be the problem was with the operators, not the software, what was that about tools and workmen?


 First, Auntie Becky is the boss,

She wields the sword, and calls the toss,

No troll shall pass without her knowing,

And soon her line they will be toeing.


John Stokdyk is a likeable chap, 

But sometimes he gives us a slap, 

John chooses content, makes the rules,

And doesn’t treat us all like fools. 


Rebecca is our strength (in tax), 

And never can get to relax, 

We hound her hard to make her see, 

That we don’t trust HMRC. 


Our David Winch is guide and mentor, 

(though really he is no inventor), 

Facts and figures are his game, 

To which he proudly puts his name. 


Poor Albert has a tale of woe, 

He suffered from a frightful foe, 

But guts, and friendship, pulled him through, 

And now he has a future, too. 


Flash Gordon is the forums hero, 

Whose enemies are now at zero, 

Flash can disarm with simple humour, 

And turn our thoughts away from rumour. 


Last of all is the resident troll, 

Who flames and wars, so very droll, 

The rules are broken every day, 

But ShirleyM has had her say!  

ShirleyM's picture


ShirleyM | | Permalink

That's great :)

Thanks, OGA :)

I can feel a 'poem' coming up to repay my debt ( ...... it is cheaper than paying a bill!)

PS. Oh dear! I admit I am hopeless at formatting. Please feel free to mercilessly slag me off at every opportunity (I have a new hobby .... I am collecting some of the more 'colourful' descriptions of me ... it's quite good fun!)   :)

Becky Midgley's picture

Oops! Sorry.

Becky Midgley | | Permalink

I came a bit late to this formatting party, thanks to OGA for sorting it out. 

I fancy myself as a bit of a poet actually. All a bit too sombre and serious for these pages though I reckon!  I also used to write songs for my band (many moons ago). 

I was always very precious about my writing, felt it a very personal thing and was conscious of people reading/knowing too much about me from my poetry. But, this year, I have taken the plunge, and just last week selected 4 poems for a competition.  I don't mind if I don't win, Iit just got the point where I thought I'm sitting on all this writing and perhaps I could do something with it.  So we'll see.  The winners aren't announced until October so there's a bit of a wait!

(and thanks Shirley for immortalising me in the opening line of your poem, chuffed I am!)

ShirleyM's picture

Great fun

ShirleyM | | Permalink

There is lots of hidden talent among AWeb members, as we have seen. I am sure there are many more who are hiding their light!

Give us a sample, Becky, please! We want to share, not criticise.

.... and good luck with the competition, Becky :)

ShirleyM's picture

Ode to OGA

ShirleyM | | Permalink

OGA is a ferocious beast

He imagines we're his feast

He glares and scowls from the forum here

And scatters all of us in fear


But what is that? A joke I see?

No! No! Humour it cannot be ...

A wolf in clothing? A sheep in part?

Or just a truly mischievious heart!

Old Greying Accountant's picture

Ah Shirley, you do me false ...

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

You are looking at it from the wrong way ...

My avatar is on look out guarding the pack from Hector and his cronies!

(just sometimes some of the "cubs" need to be kept in line!)

ShirleyM's picture


ShirleyM | | Permalink

That explains it! You see me (and others) as being one of your cubs?

Protector and disciplinarian! This gets more and more interesting!   ;)

johnjenkins's picture

And now for some culture????

johnjenkins | | Permalink

There was an Accountant from Ealing

To the tribunal one day was apealing

The Assessment was high

The tribunal said Why?

HMRC went away somewhat reeling.

Don't slag me off too much OGA (time limits)

Democratus's picture

Ode to the fair Becky

Democratus | | Permalink

I say ode but.... Becky had just one objective She was tough yet fair and selective She banned all the trolls And set us up polls And thus kept Aweb free from invective

Becky Midgley's picture


Becky Midgley | | Permalink

I'm blushing! I am loving this. Thank you so much for that sweet little ode. You've made an otherwise grey day a lot brighter :)

Democratus's picture

My pleasure Becky.

Democratus | | Permalink

It's not what you would call cultured but more well intentioned.

Also I had to do something to stop the OGA / Shirley love in!


ShirleyM's picture


ShirleyM | | Permalink

I didn't know you were a killjoy! ... but the ode was great :)

Maybe I am just not very observant ... but the hobbies thread, this thread, and many others, has made me see lots of people in a whole different light.

Old Greying Accountant's picture

Oi, Democratus ...

Old Greying Acc... | | Permalink

... stop dissing my bird!

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