Old jokes are often the best, as I found when searching the AccountingWEB archive recently. As often happens, I was distracted by in interesting item on a completely different subject: a July 2001 posting from long-time AccountingWEB contributor, Jay Tanna, called Top-10 Signs That You Purchased a Bad Spreadsheet.
Jay's contribution was "borrowed" from Excel guru John Walkenbach's Cellular Humor page, claimed to be the world's biggest collection of spreadsheet humour on the web' and probably the only collection, the writer adds.
In honour of "J-Walk's" pioneering efforts, and with thanks to Jay Tanna, ExcelZone is proud to represent this old chestnut on the top 10 signs that you have bought a bad spreadsheet:
10. A sticker on the box reads, Now Supports DOS 1.2
9. It is part of a software suite called "Office Schmoffice."
8. User testimonials on the box are written in Arabic.
7. The help file consists of three words: "Don't ask me."
6. The Setup diskette reads, "Disk 1 of 1".
5. The Setup routine displays "Another Sucker" as the default user name.
4. The user manual is scribbled on the back of an old envelope.
3. The technical support phone number is 555-1212 [US number for directory enquiries - Ed].
2. The only way to get a hard copy of your work is to photograph the screen.
1. When you press F9, a message box tells you to dig out your calculator.
John Stokdyk
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