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Accountant dating needs?

We want to help accountants get laid!

Didn't find your answer?

There must be so many accountants out there who would love to date other accountants. So we think about making dating app for accountants, will you help? Tell us what features you want!

Replies (55)

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By David Ex
25th Jun 2021 13:48

If anyone mentions double entry, I’ll be furious.

Thanks (14)
Replying to David Ex:
Slim
By Slim
25th Jun 2021 14:09

i knew i'd get beaten to it. i'm sure i can work in a spreadsheets pun somewhere

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Replying to Slim:
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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
25th Jun 2021 14:33

That'd be the Second Function.

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Replying to David Ex:
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By Kaylee100
30th Jun 2021 16:19

Quote:

If anyone mentions double entry, I’ll be furious.

On our conversion course in 1986 we had yellow t shirts made for some SU event or the city carnival saying "Accountants do it by double entry"

Those were the days when the joke seemed funny enough to pay for it!

I wonder now if there is anyone on this forum that recognises this post and was on the course with me!

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My photo
By Matrix
25th Jun 2021 14:01
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A Putey FACA
By Arthur Putey
25th Jun 2021 14:04

The ability to date anonymously?

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Stepurhan
By stepurhan
25th Jun 2021 14:26

I'm pretty sure my wife of 22 years would have something to say about that.

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Replying to stepurhan:
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By Truthsayer
25th Jun 2021 14:38

She would indeed be asking you for permission to reply to her replacement's pre-appointment professional enquiry.

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By SXGuy
25th Jun 2021 14:27

Think my wife might have something to say about that.

The thought of talking shop at home 24/7 though, no thanks.

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By ireallyshouldknowthisbut
25th Jun 2021 14:37

What makes you think accountants have trouble in that department?

You are thinking Actuaries and other maths nerds*, not accountants who tend to be OK at talking to people and not their own shoes.

*Thinking about it the maths nerds I know are all married so that doesn't work.

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Replying to ireallyshouldknowthisbut:
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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
25th Jun 2021 14:53

They had attractive figures?

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Replying to ireallyshouldknowthisbut:
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By Dib
25th Jun 2021 16:32

I always thought that an extrovert accountant was one that looked at your shoes when he was talking to you rather than his own.

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Slim
By Slim
25th Jun 2021 14:55

make sure you submit a signed 64-8 before you do anything #metoo

Thanks (3)
Replying to Slim:
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By Mr_awol
25th Jun 2021 15:57

Quote:

make sure you submit a signed 64-8 before you do anything #metoo

And remember that whilst you think that sending a letter of engagement will protect you, it could give the other party a stick to beat you with.

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Replying to Mr_awol:
A Putey FACA
By Arthur Putey
25th Jun 2021 16:56

Quote:

And remember that whilst you think that sending a letter of engagement will protect you, it could give the other party a stick to beat you with.


Now you are talking!
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By WhichTyler
25th Jun 2021 15:02

An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was better to spend time with a wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with a wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with a mistress, because of the passion and mystery. The accountant said he liked both.

“Both?” chorused the others.

“Yes,” said the accountant. “If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, which means you can go to the office and get some work done.”

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By The Dullard
25th Jun 2021 15:08

Instead of swiping left or right, how about debit and credit buttons!

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Replying to The Dullard:
Lone Wolf
By Lone_Wolf
28th Jun 2021 12:25

Dr the 'receiver' Cr the 'giver'.

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By Duggimon
25th Jun 2021 15:16

Friends with benefits-in-kind?

Thanks (5)
Replying to Duggimon:
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By Mr_awol
25th Jun 2021 16:01

Incidental or trivial benefits don't count?

(not sure the wife would agree, of course)

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By Mr_awol
25th Jun 2021 16:00

I'm not sure whether i think the idea of getting professional clearance from their ex is positive or not.

On the one hand asking whether they know of any reasons you should not accept this appointment could save some serious grief. On the other hand i don't really want a huge list of all the entries the previous guy has made - especially not if they've used the portal.

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By Joe Alderson
25th Jun 2021 16:14

As long as you get a signed letter of engagement detailing your terms before you make any entries you should avoid any unwanted claims.

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By Tax Dragon
25th Jun 2021 16:22

I'm happy with my lion tamer hubby.

Well, he's not actually a lion tamer. Not yet. But he does have a hat.

Thanks (3)
Replying to Tax Dragon:
By Duggimon
25th Jun 2021 16:46

If you get him a lion you will very quickly either have a lion tamer hubby or be free to go and find one. Make your dreams a reality, why wait?

Thanks (1)
Replying to Tax Dragon:
Quack
By Constantly Confused
28th Jun 2021 10:34

Quote:

I'm happy with my lion tamer hubby.

Well, he's not actually a lion tamer. Not yet. But he does have a hat.

Does it light up saying 'Lion Tamer' in great big neon letters so he can tame them at night when they are less stroppy?

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A Putey FACA
By Arthur Putey
25th Jun 2021 16:53

Is the [***] tax deductible? Wholly and exclusively ....... its probably necessary

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Replying to Arthur Putey:
A Putey FACA
By Arthur Putey
25th Jun 2021 16:54

Ooh, V14GRA (thats a good number plate) is a proscribed word!

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A Putey FACA
By Arthur Putey
25th Jun 2021 16:55

Can I get Entrepreneurs Relief if there are no strings attached?

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By jonharris999
25th Jun 2021 17:20

Is it time for my joke about 'sideways relief' yet?

(I say *my* joke...)

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By SXGuy
25th Jun 2021 17:22

I wonder whether we'd have to keep reconciling our differences though.

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paddle steamer
By DJKL
25th Jun 2021 19:08

When I started going out with my wife after a while she mentioned to me that I talked in my sleep, often a dangerous activity that leads to divorce/break up etc, rather depressingly (or encouragingly) it transpired my conversations at such times were not other ladies names but instead were mainly about tax forms ( back in the late 80s when tax still involved filling in actual paper forms)

Despite this early stumble she somehow still married me just under 31 years ago now and my leaving full time practice seems to have cured the talking problem, or at least it is not mentioned these days.

Talking in one's sleep can be a prime reason marriages etc falter, the "who's xxxxx" question in the mornings may convict, but accountants could be the ultimate covert professionals , highly trained individuals parting with nothing more than profit, tax code and NI number , in effect super efficient Matt Hancocks.

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paddle steamer
By DJKL
25th Jun 2021 19:53

FICTION FOR THOSE OF AN ACCOUNTANCY PERSUASION

THE ACCOUNTANT AND HER CLIENT

She appraised him with her critical eyes, peered over the top of her glasses and remarked , " Mr Pollocks, we still need to deal with that election issue of yours, it is evident to me it needs sorted before it gets even bigger "

He nervously looked at her, quietly he asked, "Do you have protection available to avoid any repercussions in future, big problems begetting little ones?"

"Protection does not always work" she replied softly, not much more than a gossamer whisper "if HMG removes the veil you have created your shortcomings will become even more exposed and apparent- but I can help you deal with your enormous problem, in fact I will enjoy it"

"You are right" he exclaimed, "right, no question, and you are a credit to your profession, not facing up to my obligations has become my liability, but you can release me."

"Of course I can , bring your assets over here beside me, just a little closer"

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By bernard michael
26th Jun 2021 09:47

It should only be for qualified members of a regulated professional organisation (eg ICAEW) who are used to a large annual fee for not a lot .
Alternatively MDTP as we don't have enough of them and need a breeding surge to cope with the growth in business

Thanks (1)
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By Crouchy
26th Jun 2021 10:21

surely this will only attract women called prudence? or those who are happy to fudge it?

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Replying to Crouchy:
paddle steamer
By DJKL
26th Jun 2021 11:24

But Prudence is of course a kitten.

http://whirligig-tv.co.uk/tv/children/other/prudence.htm

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Red Leader
By Red Leader
26th Jun 2021 11:59

I'm happy to take part, so long as the T&C specify:
1) complaints procedure for unsatisfactory service
2) basis of fees - fixed fees or based on time?

Thanks (3)
A Putey FACA
By Arthur Putey
28th Jun 2021 09:57

"Talk dirty to me" she said, so I picked up my battered copy of Frank Wood and began to read ...............

Thanks (1)
Replying to Arthur Putey:
Quack
By Constantly Confused
28th Jun 2021 10:27

Quote:

"Talk dirty to me" she said, so I picked up my battered copy of Frank Wood and began to read ...............

Thinking about it, my copy of Frank Wood IS by the bed...

Thanks (2)
Replying to Arthur Putey:
Red Leader
By Red Leader
28th Jun 2021 11:28

Does it have suspicious stains on it?

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By 356B
28th Jun 2021 10:19

Ooh, V14GRA (thats a good number plate) is a proscribed word!

[***] banned? Try tidalafil.

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Quack
By Constantly Confused
28th Jun 2021 10:35

My spouse is an accountant (well, CIMA, so sort of an accountant ;) ) and we have never had a conversation about accountancy since leaving University. I'd be horrified if they tried to strike one up.

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Replying to Constantly Confused:
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By Leywood
28th Jun 2021 12:19

[quote=]

''My spouse is an accountant (well, CIMA, so sort of an accountant ;) ''

Chuckle.

My b/friend is CIMA and the 'sort of an Accountant' is one thing I always say to wind him up.

No offence Tom!

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By jonharris999
28th Jun 2021 10:43

While we're doing this, my favourite bit of the Theatre Tax Relief manual:

"A production is of a sexual nature if the performances are to include any content the nature of which is such that, ignoring financial gain, it would be reasonable to assume the content to be included solely or principally for the purposes of sexually stimulating any member of the audience (whether by verbal or other means).
Examples of performances which would be excluded from TTR would be (but not limited to): lap dancing, pole dancing, table dancing, strip shows, peep shows and live sex shows. It is also probable that these performances might not constitute the playing of a role and so be excluded from TTR under that rule."

I have never, in compliance with the above, asked HMRC to give my clients relief if their productions fell under these definitions. Whether by verbal or other means.

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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
28th Jun 2021 12:38

Is this dating app only for upstanding members?

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Replying to I'msorryIhaven'taclue:
Lone Wolf
By Lone_Wolf
28th Jun 2021 13:44

Think that's Grindr you're looking for.

Thanks (1)
Replying to Lone_Wolf:
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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
28th Jun 2021 14:57

Ha ha! I've heard Frank Wood.

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A Putey FACA
By Arthur Putey
28th Jun 2021 15:06

I suppose this thread inevitably leads readers of a certain disposition to wonder what an accountant edition of "Naked Attraction" would, er, look like.

Who wants to be in the pilot and why?

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Replying to Arthur Putey:
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By bernard michael
28th Jun 2021 15:13

Quote:

I suppose this thread inevitably leads readers of a certain disposition to wonder what an accountant edition of "Naked Attraction" would, er, look like.

Who wants to be in the pilot and why?

If they did have an appearance on Naked Attraction you'd need a good hairdresser to remove the ticks

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Replying to bernard michael:
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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
28th Jun 2021 15:44

Quote:

If they did have an appearance on Naked Attraction you'd need a good hairdresser to remove the ticks

And make-up to cover the bashing.

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Replying to Arthur Putey:
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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
28th Jun 2021 15:45

Arthur Putey wrote:

Who wants to be in the pilot and why?

Lone Wolf wrote:

Think that's Grindr you're looking for.

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