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Convoy

I really should be doing a tax return or two

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It’s  hard not to remember
On the twenty second December
In a Scania,  that’s pullin' fish
Cabover Pete with a load of scotch
And a Jimmy haulin' gin
We was headin' for Dover
On the M20 way over
'Bout a mile out Smeeth Town
I says, Pig Pen this here's the Rubber Duck
And I'm about to put the brakes on

[Chorus]
'Cause we got a little 'ole convoy
Freezing through the night
Yeah, we got a little 'ole convoy
Parked up like a campsite
C'mon and join our Convoy
Ain't nothin' gonna stop its stay
We gonna sit in this fuc*ing convoy
'At least til Christmas Day
Convoy
Convoy

[CB Radio Chatter]
Yeah, breaker Pig Pen this here's the Duck
And uh, you wanna drink that scotch
Uh, ten-four 'set up the bar
Ten-Roger we're all getting wasted up here

[
By the time we’d stopped a second day
We had fifteen hundred trucks

This created a road block right through Kent
It was a total clusterf*ck
Yeah, them smokies was thick as bugs on a bumper
They even had a bear in the air
I says, callin' all trucks
This here's the Duck
We never fu**ing going nowhere

[Chorus]
'Cause we got a little 'ole convoy
Freezing through the night
Yeah, we got a little 'ole convoy
Parked up like a campsite
C'mon and join our Convoy
Ain't nothin' gonna stop its stay
We gonna sit in this fuc*ing convoy
'At least til Christmas Day
Convoy
Convoy

Replies (15)

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A Putey FACA
By Arthur Putey
22nd Dec 2020 14:34

Actually reminds me of the Dave Lee Travis spoof version of the original, but it was ok in the 70s apparently ....

On a serious note, I feel sorry for the lorry drivers, not least the ones stuck on the M20. How do the authorities manage to ensure they have enough food and water when they can't get anything else right?

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Replying to Arthur Putey:
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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
22nd Dec 2020 14:45

There's a news story in the "Metro" that some of them have been issued with parking tickets https://metro.co.uk/2020/12/22/lorry-drivers-fined-after-spending-second...

And as if Boris hasn't got enough on his plate, he now has to buy a last-minute gift for the woman who has everything https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9076663/Nicola-Sturgeon-reveals...

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Replying to I'msorryIhaven'taclue:
A Putey FACA
By Arthur Putey
22nd Dec 2020 17:46

Lucky thats all he got from "Gnasher"

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Replying to I'msorryIhaven'taclue:
avatar
By Mr_awol
23rd Dec 2020 10:23

I'msorryIhaven'taclue wrote:

There's a news story in the "Metro" that some of them have been issued with parking tickets https://metro.co.uk/2020/12/22/lorry-drivers-fined-after-spending-second...

To be fair there's no reason for them to be parking there, other than to try and jump the que when the port reopens.

Now they are rioting at the port because they are being told that they have to drive to the Covid testing station c10 miles away and come back once they've got the all clear.

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Replying to Arthur Putey:
avatar
By Paul Crowley
22nd Dec 2020 16:53

I remember
A program that did (useless) cheap videos of current songs from the hit parade

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Replying to Paul Crowley:
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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
22nd Dec 2020 16:57

Scopitone?

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the sea otter
By memyself-eye
22nd Dec 2020 15:22

This might backfire on Macron - many of the drivers are Johnny Foreigner types trying to get back home for "Le Christmas" or delivering British caught fish (quell irony eh!) to French supermarkets in time for Xmas day.

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RLI
By lionofludesch
22nd Dec 2020 16:48

Great stuff, DJKL.

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A Putey FACA
By Arthur Putey
22nd Dec 2020 17:53

Look forward to your Brexit themed follow up on 31 Dec based on the parody of DIVORCE by Billy Connolly:

Our DIVORCE becomes final today
27 nations and my wee shaggy dog, are going away ....

She (Ursula presumably) sank her teeth in my (Boris presumably) [***]
And called me a .....

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Replying to Arthur Putey:
A Putey FACA
By Arthur Putey
22nd Dec 2020 17:54

ooh thats clever, its turned the last 3 letters of album into [***]

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Replying to Arthur Putey:
paddle steamer
By DJKL
22nd Dec 2020 23:35

First attempt but slightly rushed, it needs more thought.

Our RELATIONSHIP is forty seven years old, and has changed a fair damn bit
When you mentioned the E.C.J. some damn near flipped their lid
Words like R.O.M.E. Rome or N.I.C.E. Nice
These are words which made Farage S.Q.U.I.R.M. squirm
Their B.R.E.X.I.T bites later today
Because they voted Y.E.S. and then May ran away
They wrote their lies on the sides of bus, and then, all of them talk cod
And that's why we’re gonnae get a D.I.V.O.R.C.E

They shouted "get her Jacob," and he jumped over, and bit with his E.R.G
They sank their teeth in her withdrawal deal and treated her like Trotsky.
Well I'm telling you, that was my cue, to get O.F.F.-ski
And I'm going down to Dublin town tonight to prove my Irish G.R.A.N.N.Y

Oh yes our T.R.A.N.S.I.T.I.O.N ends today
Both Bojo and his wee scabby pals will then be running away
That's why I spell out all these words, so as Bojo , he can't hear
Oh I must admit that chancer then will no doubt make himself a P.E.R. peer

Oh I must admit that chancer then will no doubt make himself a P.E.R. peer

(edited last two lines as switched on the news)

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Replying to DJKL:
A Putey FACA
By Arthur Putey
23rd Dec 2020 09:52

You should definitely give up your day job!

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Replying to Arthur Putey:
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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
23rd Dec 2020 10:11

I thought he already had!

Get on with those tax returns, DJKL. And go pick up the turkey from M&S.

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A Putey FACA
By Arthur Putey
23rd Dec 2020 09:53

Next up in the style of Roy Orbison "Its Dover" .....

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Replying to Arthur Putey:
paddle steamer
By DJKL
23rd Dec 2020 10:06

Will have to wait as I really do have some returns to lodge (and a trip to M & S to collect an order), in the meantime ,

"There'll be blue words over
The white cliffs of Dover
Tomorrow, just you wait and see."

Vera Lynn

(Maybe an ELO number from Out of the Blue will work.)

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