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E Mids lenders that understand what they're looking at

E Mids lenders that understand what they're...

Has anyone come across a lender in the East Mids that can:

a - read what is actually on the paper they are given;

b - understand simple tax comps (SA302);

c - can deal with dividends being paid in a tax effective way, i.e. on the spouse's shares; and, maybe we're pushing it now

d - understand a balance sheet and P&L a/c.

A client has provided everything, jumped as high as asked and then the dim idiot given the papers has passed up the food chain figures after personal allowances, ignored the wife's dividends and taken fixed asset NBV as 'net assets'. To add insult to injury, said idiot was asked to call for clarification and when it was explained gave the affirmative when asked if she understood.

The client only wants an extra £30k secured on property with c£45k equity even now.

Of course, I have just received a call from the client who is unhappy with the resultant refusal - FYA(musement) - last year they were £5k income away from borrowing £300k, so the income figures aren't exactly pi$$ poor.

<rant bit> It would appear to me that the next financial meltdown will be around the corner, should imbeciles such as this example remain in employment with the banks. Perhaps the rules on sacking could be relaxed enough to allow instant dismissal of blatant dross.


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15th Jan 2013 17:18

I remember

some numpty at a well known institution ( now owned by us - wonder why) wanted me to supply audited accounts of my own practice in support of a mortgage application. It was very difficult to be polite

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15th Jan 2013 17:24


I feel your pain.

The main reason they are not lending is the cretins who work there don't understand the basics of company accounts.


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15th Jan 2013 17:32

Best one I had ...

... was being asked to provide accounts, company information and shareholder details ... for a sole trader! When I telephoned them to explain the client didn't have a company and was a sole trader, the numpty said just put him as 100% shareholder (and he expected me to sign it too!).

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By Glennzy
16th Jan 2013 09:37

The switch to SA302

Has not helped as they clearly do not understand the correlation between accounts and taxable income anyone who has invested in assets for their business and claimed under AIA rules has got no chance now as what they think is income will not be good enough. I used to work as a company accountant , and was asked to provide bank statements to support my own application, it was not my statements they wanted but the firm I worked for. I said if I worked for British Telecom would you expect me to be show there bank statements to get my own mortgage. She had to think before she responded. As the government now own half the banks they should make the people's bank and offer low price loans to 1 st time buyers etc and provide some proper competition to these muppets.

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15th Jan 2013 23:29

That's why peer to peer lending is taking off

From what I can tell it's pointless asking banks to lend this sort of sum, businesses stand a much better chance with something like Funding Circle.

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16th Jan 2013 06:44

The Best (worst?)

example of numpty's stupid questions I have come was about 20 years ago I had to prepare a valuation of a a minority holding in a private client company in support of a DSS claim of some sort. I valued them at nominal value. Numpty phoned and said this company must be a fraud as they couldn't find it in the Financial Times listings.

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By Glennzy
17th Jan 2013 20:05

@paul Scholes
Paul,that's a great shout about I had not heard of it before. Have any of your clients raised money in that way.

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18th Jan 2013 08:13


No, not yet but I and several friends/clients have money up there.  And I see that even the Government is putting £20M into it.

It's ironic but the 2-3 clients over recent years that would have really benefitted from this type of finance have all given up, mainly due to lack of funding.

Whilst on the subject, if you've not heard of it, ZOPA is brilliant for personal finance, I've been in it for 7 years with an average 6.5% earned I think.  Given that the bulk of borrowing is to pay off credit cards, car finance & home improvements, it's great to take the banks out of the equation.

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