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Most ridiculous thing a client has said to you?

Corker today

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Today a (young) client queried his liability as his dad has told him you can earn about 27,000 self employed before paying anything.

what classics do fellow Awebbers have?

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By SXGuy
08th Feb 2020 17:44

Cash income isn't taxable if its paid in to an ISA.

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Replying to SXGuy:
Psycho
By Wilson Philips
08th Feb 2020 18:50

Cash income isn’t taxable if you pi$$ it up against a wall and don’t tell HMRC.

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Replying to Wilson Philips:
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By SXGuy
09th Feb 2020 06:57

Shame the client didnt think of that answer!

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By Whatisname
08th Feb 2020 20:05

A Self employed carpenter told me his weekend work didn’t count as income!

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Flag of the Soviet Union
By thevaliant
08th Feb 2020 20:26

A client arguing over fees told my partner that if one of his customers asked for advice, he'd provide it for free!

He was in manufacturing so didn't believe that anything that wasn't tangible should be sold at a price.

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Replying to thevaliant:
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By ES accountancy
12th Feb 2020 16:40

Yep I’ve had this one before too!

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By lesley.barnes
08th Feb 2020 20:46

Could I put some more expenses in as they didn't mind paying a bit of tax but didn't want to pay the amount that I had calculated.

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Replying to lesley.barnes:
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By JoF
08th Feb 2020 22:17

Suggest an increase of your fee....win win :-D

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Replying to lesley.barnes:
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By Mr_awol
10th Feb 2020 11:49

At least you got some input from the client.

I had one give me three purchase invoices, one diesel bill, and tell me:

"I've earned about £35k this year but just put through whatever you think, and make sure i pay about a grand in tax. I want to pay a bit of tax - i don't want to take the [***]....."

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By lincolnartist
08th Feb 2020 20:53

I was tempted to tell my client to ask his dad if he remembered Blackadder and , if so, the line “The mouth opens, the eyes move, but Mr Brain has long since departed hasn’t he?”

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By Not Anonymous
09th Feb 2020 06:54

lincolnartist wrote:

Today a (young) client queried his liability as his dad has told him you can earn about 27,000 self employed before paying anything.

what classics do fellow Awebbers have?

To be fair now that you can have nearly £30k taxable income with no tax to pay if you manage to get the right mix of income and have a (very) elderly wife it's not the most far fetched thing ever!

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Replying to Not Anonymous:
By djn24
11th Feb 2020 11:20

Not Anonymous wrote:

lincolnartist wrote:

Today a (young) client queried his liability as his dad has told him you can earn about 27,000 self employed before paying anything.

what classics do fellow Awebbers have?

To be fair now that you can have nearly £30k taxable income with no tax to pay if you manage to get the right mix of income and have a (very) elderly wife it's not the most far fetched thing ever!


Please explain your thoughts?
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Replying to djn24:
7om
By Tom 7000
11th Feb 2020 12:15

I T allowance 12.5k
CGT allowance 12k
Dividend allowance 2k
Trading allowance 1k
Interest allowance 1k

there you go

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Replying to Tom 7000:
By djn24
11th Feb 2020 12:49

Tom 7000 wrote:

I T allowance 12.5k
CGT allowance 12k
Dividend allowance 2k
Trading allowance 1k
Interest allowance 1k

there you go

I know those limits but that doesn't really answer the question of how you could earn £30k and not pay tax if you have an elderly wife though?

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Replying to djn24:
Lone Wolf
By Lone_Wolf
11th Feb 2020 13:30

Perhaps a specific combination of income as Tom7000 alludes to, and being able to claim the Married Couple Allowance?

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Replying to djn24:
Lone Wolf
By Lone_Wolf
11th Feb 2020 13:51

Since I was bored I run a quick calculation, using 2019 rates and allowances.

Assuming we have an old couple, born pre-1935, then it's possible to get £32,890 tax free:

£16,190 pension income
£2,000 dividend income (covered by allowance)
£1,000 interest (covered by 0% rates)
£1,000 other income (covered by trading allowance)
£1,000 rental (covered by property allowance)
£11,700 capital gains (covered by annual exemption)

Married Couples Allowance of £869.50 to cover the tax due on the pension income.

An unlikely combination of income and gains, but if you have it, then it's all tax free. Could even have earned an extra £100 tax free if they were Scottish.

Thanks (1)
Replying to Not Anonymous:
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By C Graham
14th Feb 2020 10:51

student loan?

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Image PN
By Mr Hankey
09th Feb 2020 10:27

I had a client adamant that his new expensive luxury watch was a legitimate business expense because he "needed to be able to tell the time" whilst at work.

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Replying to Mr Hankey:
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By Mr_awol
10th Feb 2020 11:44

Mr Hankey wrote:

I had a client adamant that his new expensive luxury watch was a legitimate business expense because he "needed to be able to tell the time" whilst at work.

I have had that one too. - from a demolition expert who said they needed such an expensive (several thousand £££) watch because of the much higher degree of accuracy required when dealing with explosives. To be fair it was such a good excuse i was almost tempted to let him have it!

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Replying to Mr_awol:
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By SouthCoastAcc
11th Feb 2020 11:31

Expensive watches tend to be less reliable than cheap ones!

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Replying to Mr Hankey:
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By Andy Reeves
11th Feb 2020 12:04

Had the same thing, from a guy who drove around in a van all day. I asked him if the van had a clock on the dashboard, and if he had a mobile phone. I thought that should give him enough ways of checking the time.

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By whitevanman
09th Feb 2020 10:29

Reminds me of the one about the 3 religious leaders (got to be PC now) explaining how they divided the collection between self and God.
First one split 80% to God, 20% self. Second 50/50.
Third threw it all in the air. God could keep what he (she?) wanted.

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By dejaneiro2005
10th Feb 2020 09:12

Insistence that a smoking habit was caused by the stressful nature of running a company and therefore the cigarettes purchased on the company credit card week in week out were a legitimate business expense.

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By Jdopus
10th Feb 2020 09:34

Argued that a jetski could be included as a business asset because they were going to do a construction job on the isle of man and were going to load their backpacks up with tools and ride over there.

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By Bob Loblaw
10th Feb 2020 09:35

"I'll have my paperwork across to you early next year, I promise"

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Replying to Bob Loblaw:
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By AWeb72
10th Feb 2020 14:00

The old ones are the best.

Thanks (1)
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By ohgoodgodno
10th Feb 2020 10:07

Construction client, who'd started a second company "we wont need to register it for VAT, CIS or tax, as we'll only be doing stuff for our other company, so it won't count"

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By bernard michael
10th Feb 2020 10:24

"My friend down the pub says I can treat the expenses of feeding my dachsund as a security cost" The dog is about 12 and soft as putty

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By Louisemunro320
10th Feb 2020 11:51

'No I definately dont pay the staff cash in hand - I pay them from the bank account'.

And the obvious corker - I am a pensioner I dont pay tax!

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By Montrose
10th Feb 2020 14:33

i) Client who was taster for Egon Ronay- claim for cost of false teeth
ii) Judge who thought she did not have to pay tax on her state pension

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By Montrose
10th Feb 2020 14:33

i) Client who was taster for Egon Ronay- claim for cost of false teeth
ii) Judge who thought she did not have to pay tax on her state pension

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By CazzyT
10th Feb 2020 15:59

One who insisted he can claim for all his clothes ... because he can't go to work naked can he!

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By SouthCoastAcc
11th Feb 2020 11:34

A construction client wanted to claim a family holiday to Mexico as it was for business.

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Replying to SouthCoastAcc:
Lone Wolf
By Lone_Wolf
11th Feb 2020 12:45

Also had a guy argue a family holiday to Disneyland was business. He run a theatre production company and argued he was going for research purposes, to see what aspects of their performances he could incorporate into plays. Wife was also involved in the business so that's why she had to come. Kids couldn't get left at home of course...

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7om
By Tom 7000
11th Feb 2020 12:16

Cost of the Wedding, as he invited 3 clients

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By John R
11th Feb 2020 13:20

Back in the days before regulation we used to advise on pensions and life assurance. A surgeon client asked me about pensions and I came on to the question of term assurance. He retorted "I don't want to talk about that - life's too short!"

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By marks
11th Feb 2020 23:04

That the rental income from the property that he owned wasnt taxable as he had already paid tax on the money earned he used to buy the property. So he was being taxed twice.

I suppose logically it makes but then tax is never logical.

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By coolmanwithbeard
11th Feb 2020 23:16

I did have a chap in the office assert most strongly whatever mate in the pub had said (can't remember now but it's irrelevant). Of course I disagreed - so whilst in the office he rang said mate. Said mate, to hi credit, said no your accountant is right I never said that. Exit one crestfallen soon to be ex client.

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By kenny achampong
12th Feb 2020 13:54

I had a film maker client (light-heartedly) argue that drinks in a pub are allowable because that's where he sits and observes people to write scripts about. Later in the expenses there was a bill from a cobbler, and he said that should also be allowable because of all the walking to the bar.

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By bernard michael
12th Feb 2020 14:03

Sounds like he talks a lot of old cobblers - Boom Boom !

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By bernard michael
13th Feb 2020 14:38

I claim the prize
Client : I've put all my books on SAGE therefore it won't take you long to produce the accounts and I assume your bill will be lower
This is without telling me and without all of the opening balances and an idiot bookkeeper

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