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Paranoia and mental health

Looking for tips (and an 'amusing' train of thought I have had)

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Hi all

So my mental health has always been hit and miss, usually coming in cycles where I am content for a while, then anxious/paranoid for a while.  There used to be bouts of depression mixed in, but they seem to have lessened these last few years (yay!) though I've noticed an upturn in anxiety and paranoia (boo!). 

My paranoia has been acting up recently and I've realised that I have never really tried to address it before, not in any menaingful way anyway.  Anxiety I have books on (The Chimp Paradox has been a help with my anxiety - though I have an issue where when I'm anxious I struggle to read it and wish I had read further into the book when my head was straight, and when I'm not anxious I don't prioritise reading it, as I'm not anxious and so don't need to...  Stupid brain...).

So I have been looking into how to cope with paranoia and one of the suggestions online is a diary, something I have done before for anxiety and depression (I still get the book out from time to time to laugh at the stupid things I was anxious about in years gone by) but never for paranoia.

Here is the (darkly) 'amusing' part:

I find when I am in the middle of my paranoia I don't want to write down what I am paranoid about. In case someone else reads it, which obviously they will want to do. As I'm paranoid.

So I find myself creating cyphers, but then I assume everyone will be able to break them, so I add extra layers and do you know what it's all a bit pointless as eventually I can barely read them myself without 20 minutes of decoding.

Does anyone have any tips on coping with paranoia?  I can usually look back on things afterwards and identify the paranoid acts from the reasonable ones, but it's hard to do it mid-paranoia.

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By paul.benny
16th Apr 2021 10:34

Are you (or your spouse, if you have one) an ICAEW member or student? If so, you an use the free services of CABA on a whole range of health and well-being matters.

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By Constantly Confused
19th Apr 2021 08:44

paul.benny wrote:

Are you (or your spouse, if you have one) an ICAEW member or student? If so, you an use the free services of CABA on a whole range of health and well-being matters.

We're not, but to be fair I am a member of other organisations that offer mental health check-ins - but of course I don't use them as I don't want to be a burden and others might need it more...

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By paul.benny
19th Apr 2021 09:49

If I had a worrying symptom, would you advise me not to seek medical help because someone else might need that help more? Just because *some* people appear more ill than me or need or urgent attention, doesn't mean I shouldn't seek help.

And so with you. Just because some people may have more serious or more urgent needs, doesn't mean you shouldn't request and receive support.

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By tom123
16th Apr 2021 10:42

Would this be something that would respond to medical treatment?
That may be a first port of call.

Good luck, and keep posting on here where you have friends etc!

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By Constantly Confused
19th Apr 2021 08:45

tom123 wrote:

Would this be something that would respond to medical treatment?
That may be a first port of call.

Good luck, and keep posting on here where you have friends etc!

I'm a little worried that if I raise this I might end up having control taken from me one way or the other. Plus I don't like to distract the Doctors away from more needy patients.

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By Tax Dragon
16th Apr 2021 10:50

If it helps (no idea why it should), while I don't suffer from paranoia (at least, I didn't think I did, though you've got me a bit worried now*), my own brain can be a complete mystery to me at times.

Sometimes I let its flights of wonder hang out in here more than at other times. (Hopefully the reader can extract anything useful I do happen to say from the heaps of rubbish I also write... else what is 'Sift' about?)

*That's not only a brilliant joke, haha, but actually bits of what you say I really relate to. Eg about writing in code - I have passwords to my passwords. (Just to give me more passwords to forget, I sometimes think.)

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Stepurhan
By stepurhan
16th Apr 2021 11:13

Would typing it out and then immediately deleting/not saving the file work? Get the thoughts out of your head, but not leave a lasting copy that someone else could read .

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By Constantly Confused
16th Apr 2021 13:50

stepurhan wrote:

Would typing it out and then immediately deleting/not saving the file work? Get the thoughts out of your head, but not leave a lasting copy that someone else could read .

That is an interesting idea... though for my other diaries the benefit has often been looking back later and reliving the feeling from a more stable place ("I can't believe that was my biggest worry"). For my anxiety there was also an element of almost "Well now I've written it down I can stop worrying about it", which is odd but worked.

I might try writing and deleting.

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By Duggimon
16th Apr 2021 11:19

My wife recently introduced me to Enneagrams, which if you read about them sound like a lot of tosh, but once I did the test, the personality type it identified chimed so much with a lot of my innermost thoughts that I found it really helpful.

It was a huge surprise to me to find out that there were a lot of what I thought were very specific aspects to my personality that I have never voiced that are in fact common to a significant portion of the population. I found that quite helpful in addressing some things I tend to worry about, or feel I need to keep secret, in that it sort of legitimised my feelings or opinions.

I'm not sure if it would be at all useful to the feelings you describe, those sort of things are very different to my own issues, but I did find it a fascinating experience. As with anything, it's not a catch all solution to anything and use of the system can become reductive to the point of uselessness, but my own limited experience with it was helpful to the extent that I've engaged with it.

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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
16th Apr 2021 17:47

Type 1 99% score.

Ouch! Lucky I took up accountancy :)

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By Hugo Fair
16th Apr 2021 23:15

Had never heard of Enneagrams, but was intrigued by your comments - so tried it and it was remarkably accurate. Despite being told all my life that I'm an ultra Perfectionist, I only scored 66% for it; whereas I got 98% for both types 5 & 8 (which are a much better description of how I see me). However, this begs some interesting questions:
- is it measuring my perception of myself or how I'm perceived by others?
- if those perceptions vary wildly, what does that mean for inner/outer values?
Bit late at night for philosophy, but I'll probably have interesting dreams!

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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
18th Apr 2021 11:36

Type 5: Appetite to learn
Type 8: All about control, and aversion to being controlled.

You are/were senior partner, right?

I hear what you are saying about how others perceive us, but only we know our true selves. Hence the self-assessment, I suppose (and isn't that the whole point? After all, a trait of many of the personality types is to suppress or mask or even misrepresent - for example, by putting on a brave face - one's true feelings). I suppose the exception to that would be where the other marking your card is a psychologist or similar.

Constantly Confused, go take the test and post up your results. Bet you score heavily as a Type 8 :)

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Red Leader
By Red Leader
18th Apr 2021 20:00

Did the test.

5 - 98%
8 - 76%
6 - 75%
1 - 73%

Not sure what the % is below which you ignore the personality type.

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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
19th Apr 2021 10:15

5 and 8, the same as Hugo! Are we seeing an early pattern emerging?
Except that by a long chalk you're predominantly a Type 5 (whereas Hugo had a pair of equally ranking predominances).

Type 5:
The Intense, Cerebral Type:
Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-5 for a fairly detailed overview. Incidentally, you can vary the final digit to access types 1 to 9.

I'm not so sure you ignore any of the personality types - when you take a test the enneagram site presents all 9 of the personality types as a pie-chart; from which, superficially, I gather you treat each personality type as an aspect of your particular character: the strength (or indeed weakness) of which is relative to the other slices of pie. I expect Jose Mourinho uses a similar system to evaluate his team (big double-helping slice for striker; slither for central defenders etc etc).

Has anyone taken a paid-for test? It'd be interesting to know whether the results really are tailored to you; or whether this is a more sophisticated "I speak your weight" or "Tell Your Fortune" machine.

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By Constantly Confused
19th Apr 2021 08:42

Wow I am all over the place! Not sure how normal that is :)

My top three are:
Straight in at number three it's Type 4 at 86%
Enjoying a rise from its previous place it's Type 1 at 87%
But at number one, for the 17th week running, beating Wet Wet Wet, it's Type 6 (shocking!) at 98%.

Amusingly I want to know where I lost the 2%...

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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
19th Apr 2021 10:26

Wow - read https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-6 and you'll see just how similar that is to the you that you've described in this thread.

You can vary the final digit to read about Type 1 and Type 4 personalities as well.

I'm going to venture a guess that scoring so highly at three personality types must make you a very complex person. I suppose the other side of the coin for you must be to know which personality type(s) you scored least in.

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By Duggimon
16th Apr 2021 11:20

Also I've been reading your diary and I don't think you should worry so much.

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By Constantly Confused
16th Apr 2021 13:55

Duggimon wrote:

Also I've been reading your diary and I don't think you should worry so much.

:)

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By SteveHa
16th Apr 2021 11:36

Whilst I can hardly recommend this approach, it worked for me.

Several years ago I was diagnosed suffering from anxiety and paranoia. My GP prescribed Seroxat, and contrary to what I have since learned, he started me on a high dosage (apparently it should start low and increase gradually).

This had exactly the opposite of the intended effect, and I had a full on nervous breakdown. During that time, I flushed the Seroxat and never went back to the quacks.

Took some time, but I think the falling of the edge of a cliff helped, since I was forced to start recovery myself. I eventually got there, and actually came out of the other side much stronger than I went in.

Like I said, hardly a recommended course of action, but more testament to the fact that mental health issues do not have to be permanent, and you can not only recover, but emerge better.

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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
16th Apr 2021 12:40

My Seroxat went straight into the stream at the end of the garden! As an ex-Council House Kid I couldn't bring myself to take any such medication, and turned instead to alcohol as a crutch.

Although my tough and broken-home upbringing meant I was more resilient than most to the mental effects - some days I could hardly face getting out of bed, let alone face the world; but I'd always force myself to - I began to experience physical manifestations such as, for example, twitches and impetigo. My normal confidence drained away, and everything became a huge struggle.

Too busy with work, mortgage, and kids at the time to explore why all that was happening, it is only now that I have become fully aware that I was living under the Sword of Damocles of my outlaws who, due to the obscene levels of control they exerted over my wife and the methods they used to enforce that control, had a massive knock-on effect on yours truly.

I find it enlightening now to be able to understand what the drivers were. There was something especially malicious in their behaviour; and it only came to bear when after a few years marriage my wife suddenly became trapped at home with our young children and an easy target for her parents' overbearing criticism and general disapproval to everything. I mentioned the Sword of Damocles earlier, because you never knew where and when they would strike next; which could at times put you on 24/7 high alert.

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By lionofludesch
16th Apr 2021 16:46

I'm slightly concerned by the cavalier way folk dispose of unwanted prescription drugs.

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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
16th Apr 2021 18:08

There's an old pill by the stream,
Nellie Dean...

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By Constantly Confused
16th Apr 2021 13:56

I had a time on antidepressents and nothing good came of it, the side effects were horrid and I was always anxious about being on them.

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By New To Accountancy
16th Apr 2021 11:58

I really enjoyed reading this.
I also create cyphers. I'm paranoid too. About 2 weeks ago, I asked my husband what he would like with his steak tonight for tea, then the echo (alexa) had an advert on what to have with steak and I said to my husband I always knew she was listening to me.
Sometimes the alexa (music) goes quiet and I say 'sorry, Alexa, couldn't you hear what I was saying'.
I also have passwords for passwords but can't figure them out when I need them.
Generally, I'm comfortable with the way I am, I've accepted I'm a little weird and paranoid which oddly enough, has made me less paranoid because I've 'allowed' it.
Reading your post made me laugh and that's a quality that your paranoia has given you.

How to cope with paranoia, my only advice would be to accept it because you trying to change yourself and unless it's making you extremely unhappy, by not accepting it is only making the paranoia worse.
I used to avoid talking to people because I was fed up of that 'out of body' experience/feeling, I'd watch everything I did and question it. Having children stopped that because I now have to watch them, it's no longer about me. I still notice though and feel happy that I'm acting more 'normal'
I'm still paranoid, but more in a 'trying to suss the world out' way. I'm obsessed with buying books.
I have read 'feel the fear and do it anyway', I enjoyed this and it helped me a lot. I started to challenge myself because of this book and face fears.
Your paranoia, I feel, is also personal growth, it has its benefits.
As they say 'when the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear' - until you know yourself, you can't improve yourself.

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By Tax Dragon
16th Apr 2021 12:26

Excellent comment. Read it twice.

It's OK not to be OK. That's what they say anyway (though I think "it's OK to be not OK" might make more sense). And if you can be OK with not being OK (which is how I summarise your wisdom), then that makes not being OK, or being not OK, even more OK than they say.

Thank you.

(And thank you OP for starting this thread.)

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By New To Accountancy
16th Apr 2021 12:37

Thank you TD, much appreciated.

+1 from me too, for starting this thread.

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By Red Leader
16th Apr 2021 17:33

I'm not paranoid but I think I soon would be if I had bl00dy Alexa listening to everything!

More seriously, your comment about facing fears chimed with me, though a very distant chime it has to be said. As a child, I was scared of imaginary "stuff" (details not relevant) usually to do with imaginings in the dark. Eventually facing the fear and realising that nothing bad actually was going to happen helped.

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By New To Accountancy
16th Apr 2021 18:38

Yes, do be careful around Alexa.

My fears originated from being a child too.
I lost my mum when I was 5, she was 26. When I met my husband I was a teenager and I think I felt the same thing could happen, what if I lose him too? So my way of dealing with this was saying to myself - 'if I don't do this... bad things will happen to my husband' and I would do ridiculous things (I also chose what I had to do!) to stop bad things happening to him.
To face my fears, I made myself not do, what I told myself to do because nothing bad would happen to him.
Sounds very silly, but it gripped me and I found it took over my life.

I'm glad I can type this response, Alexa is on, and I don't want her knowing :)

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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
16th Apr 2021 12:08

I wonder whether the self-deprecating name nom-de-plume you've given yourself reflects your low levels of self-esteem. Are you subjected to regular disapproval or criticism? Kept in your place, as it were, by gaslighting? Feel controlled by bullying or narcissistic people?

You'll already know from The Chimp Paradox that your unexplained anxieties are caused by your overactive sixth sense that you've inherited from your ancient forebears. Something's wrong, perhaps triggering your fight or flight mechanism to a state of high alert, but you cannot put your finger on just what exactly is sending your sixth sense into such hyper-activity.

Try browsing Youtube for "Gaslighting" and "Narcissistic Personalty Disorder" (and, for the avoidance of doubt, I believe you should do a little self-assessment as to what extent you might be a victim of such treatment; not a perpetrator.)

Separately, for a truly entertaining and insightful analysis of the various behavioural aspects of various people in the public eye, watch some episodes of The Behaviour Panel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx_8ri2rYergbu_06VNSPlw where our 4 experts assess various people's normal ("baseline") behavioural patterns and then compare their behaviour - body language, choice of words, inflection, intonation, involuntary spasms when subjected to stress. (All of which knowledge and self-realisation will not only put you a step ahead of your nearest and dearest, but as a bonus will also help you interpret clients' behaviour so that you can stop them from getting the better of you!)

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By Constantly Confused
16th Apr 2021 16:02

I'msorryIhaven'taclue wrote:

I wonder whether the self-deprecating name nom-de-plume you've given yourself reflects your low levels of self-esteem. Are you subjected to regular disapproval or criticism? Kept in your place, as it were, by gaslighting? Feel controlled by bullying or narcissistic people?

You'll already know from The Chimp Paradox that your unexplained anxieties are caused by your overactive sixth sense that you've inherited from your ancient forebears. Something's wrong, perhaps triggering your fight or flight mechanism to a state of high alert, but you cannot put your finger on just what exactly is sending your sixth sense into such hyper-activity.

Try browsing Youtube for "Gaslighting" and "Narcissistic Personalty Disorder" (and, for the avoidance of doubt, I believe you should do a little self-assessment as to what extent you might be a victim of such treatment; not a perpetrator.)

Separately, for a truly entertaining and insightful analysis of the various behavioural aspects of various people in the public eye, watch some episodes of The Behaviour Panel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx_8ri2rYergbu_06VNSPlw where our 4 experts assess various people's normal ("baseline") behavioural patterns and then compare their behaviour - body language, choice of words, inflection, intonation, involuntary spasms when subjected to stress. (All of which knowledge and self-realisation will not only put you a step ahead of your nearest and dearest, but as a bonus will also help you interpret clients' behaviour so that you can stop them from getting the better of you!)

I'm aware of Gaslighting (though from TVTropes rather than anywhere else :) ), I don't believe anyone Gaslights me, though perhaps I just don't see it (always a danger of course!).

I have certainly come to the belief that my mind still thinks it is back in the forests with tigers waiting in every tree - sometimes my paranoia pays off, which just reinforces it of course.

I've often been asked if I'm ex military (or similar) due to my tendancy to have my head on a swivel when moving around. I'm not, I think my mind just thinks I need to be hyper aware of my surroundings. Useful if you are a firefighter, police officer, soldier; less so if you are an accountant :)

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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
16th Apr 2021 18:05

Something's got you on edge, and if it's not living under the cloud of (let's say) pushy people then (if you believe the book) it's your highly developed inherited instincts getting the better of you. What's the betting it's a mixture of both?

And I for one thought your headline dark train of thought amusing. Sort of a Catch-22 situation, I suppose. Ironic that you can see what's going on but struggle to break the loop. Try alcohol- always a quick fix :)

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By spilly
16th Apr 2021 18:22

Always being in a high alert state can be exhausting. Please try to look after your physical health too (besides, it means that you will be fit enough to run away from any actual danger).

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By kaff
16th Apr 2021 13:55

I can’t tell from your handle what age or gender you are, so apologies in advance if this reply is completely off target. Higher than usual levels of anxiety are quite common in peri menopause and menopause because of hormonal fluctuations. If that might be applicable to you, it’s worth exploring in case the solution lies in that direction. As I say, sorry if this is totally irrelevant to you.

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By Tax Dragon
16th Apr 2021 14:44

Even if not relevant to the OP, it might be (or become) relevant to others of us, so... thanks.

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By Constantly Confused
16th Apr 2021 15:58

Tax Dragon wrote:

Even if not relevant to the OP, it might be (or become) relevant to others of us, so... thanks.

Exactly what I came back to say :)

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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
16th Apr 2021 21:57

Wow.... and I thought you were so butch!

Seriously good stuff, Lion, and thank you for the heads up. Having already come out as a 99% Type 1 personality (and, let's face it, 99% is statistically a racing certainty) earlier above in this thread, I'm firmly in mind that this lockdown is accentuating each of our individual Achilles heels. I shall follow your lead(s).

I can't pretend to have, or for that matter comprehend, the issues that Constantly Confused (and, for that matter, others here) have experienced. Except that once I had a downfall whereby I spent a night in a police cell because my dastardly outlaws had decried me.

CC, I think that's where I was going with gaslighting. The constabulary, and the following morning social services, had little choice other than remove me from my leafy and upmarket family home because I stood accused of abusing my wife and kids. In particular, I had allegedly beat my wife over the head with an iron bar! Upon further investigation, my father in law was declared by the medical profession to be bi-polar, schizophrenic, and delusional and - here's the rub for a simple soul like me - had watched a TV programme the night before reporting me in which a fellow from Leeds had beaten his wife over the head with an iron bar! The police and social services were very apologetic afterwards.

I was in my late thirties at the time, and up until then had no concept and little comprehension of just how faulty other people can be.

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By lionofludesch
17th Apr 2021 07:42

You never know what's going on under the bonnet.

State of Mind was set up after a high profile rugby player committed suicide. I didn't know the fella beyond nodding terms but my mate Keith knew him as both team mate and opponent and says you'd never have guessed that that was about to happen.

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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
18th Apr 2021 11:59

And nobody saw that coming!

My daughter's high school teacher had everything going for her - young, popular, beautiful and always with a big smile: evidently a mask for whatever turmoil she was going through, because she jumped from the Clifton Suspension Bridge.

I guess that's why I've become interested in The Behaviour Panel videos I linked to earlier in the thread; they can spot behavioural signs and interpret them. I must sign up for psychology in a future incarnation!

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By Constantly Confused
19th Apr 2021 08:49

I'msorryIhaven'taclue wrote:

CC, I think that's where I was going with gaslighting. The constabulary, and the following morning social services, had little choice other than remove me from my leafy and upmarket family home because I stood accused of abusing my wife and kids. In particular, I had allegedly beat my wife over the head with an iron bar! Upon further investigation, my father in law was declared by the medical profession to be bi-polar, schizophrenic, and delusional and - here's the rub for a simple soul like me - had watched a TV programme the night before reporting me in which a fellow from Leeds had beaten his wife over the head with an iron bar! The police and social services were very apologetic afterwards.

I was in my late thirties at the time, and up until then had no concept and little comprehension of just how faulty other people can be.

Wow that must have been awful! I can't even imagine how that must have made you feel.

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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
19th Apr 2021 11:00

Well it was a welcome revelation, because up until then I'd thought it was me being paranoid. But, as it turned out, my underlying unease that some people were out to get me was well placed and, since you've read The Chimp Paradox was simply my ancient ancestors' genetic programming kicking-in to warn me that something that I couldn't put my finger on was wrong.

The police and social services turned out to be the tip of the iceberg; my outlaws having also visited in person: my GP (who broke protocol / DPA to advise me they had visited his surgery to decry me); the headmaster at my kiddies' primary school (in a failed attempt to trigger social services, it seems); the kids' football team where I coached; the kids' cubs pack (where I was a volunteer dad); social services, the police, a firm of solicitors and even more incredibly my f*cking bank manager! I was far too busy with life to have seen any of that coming, although - and this CC is what you might take on board from my experiences - my underlying feeling that someone was out to get me was correct all along!

Matters were resolved: my wife was able to attest that I had never so much as raised a hand to her or the kids; and, flushed into the open (and yet to be diagnosed as a bi-polar schizophrenic) the poison dwarf that was my wife's father announced to my wife that she must choose between her husband or her parents, under penalty of being disowned would you believe. Happily she chose yours truly, and while the outlaws were busy for the next six months re-drafting their wills and making a point of not speaking we sold our house and moved a few hours' drive away (and don't you just love a happy ending!)

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By johnhemming
19th Apr 2021 06:43

I remembered some reports some time ago that most people are paranoid from time to time and not necessarily mentally ill so I thought I would search for those, but I found this on pubmed.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6420131/

Quote:
We suggest that paranoia should not solely be viewed as a pathological symptom of a mental disorder but also as a part of a normally-functioning human psychology.
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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
19th Apr 2021 13:20

Good link, and good summary.

The OP mentioned The Chimp Paradox book which, essentially, attributes each of us with a sixth-sense passed down genetically from our cave-dwelling ancestors and which dictates our fight or flight reaction to a given situation. Other ancient attributes such as hackles rising or goose bumps also play a part.

Within the book's paradox, paranoia can be caused by an over-sensitive sixth-sense. Or it could be that one's sixth-sense is functioning perfectly well, and maybe it's time to take notice of those subconscious alarm bells!

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By lionofludesch
19th Apr 2021 11:43

Probably not helpful but enjoyable nonetheless.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qanF-91aJo

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By alialdabawi
19th Apr 2021 12:03

Wow what a thread.

Mental health issues for me manifest as anger/rage. I am currently 70% of my way through an ager management course, after realising that my anger on clients, employers, life - ends up being dumped on those inside my home - wife and child - and extended family - parents, sisters, friends

Formalised anger management has led me to realise that I have been a victim of bullying and gaslighting - on an ongoing, real-time basis, and is slowly coaching me to utilise behaviour-based techniques to deal with situations in a healthy manner

It hasn't helped that others' bullying hasn't stopped, nor that I have been unable to remove myself entirely from situations within which this is occurring, but the formalised sessions devoted to self-help have been significant and timely in terms of not making matters worse

It is usually the case that when going through life's anguishes, all seems hopeless. This is so manifest in myself (not apparent to me until my coach and anger buddies highlighted to me during our sessions) - that it has driven me to violent/suicidal thoughts

Respect and value for one's own self- how to prioritise/conduct for oneself, and also how to communicate one's own self-worth to others (eg. by saying no to something, or negotiating what doesn't work for you, instead of merely giving in) - is an invaluable life lesson

Thank you to those who have started, contributed to, and even merely read this thread, specifically for whoever mentioned this community as one where we have friends

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By lionofludesch
19th Apr 2021 12:14

Just chill. It'll be grand.

The Cadbury's Caramel Bunny was dead on.

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By I'msorryIhaven'taclue
19th Apr 2021 13:08

Mustn't slap the family, Dude! (Although I'd allow an exception for in-laws).

I guess work relationships will be harder for you, because once people know their behaviour (control, put-downs, gaslighting etc etc) affects you it'll encourage them all the more. I never had any problem dealing with the odd malevolent workplace colleague for two reasons: (i) I never reacted on the spot (rather, I'd say something like "I'll deal with you later" thus establishing control, and leaving the matter hanging over the colleague to keep him on high alert; and (ii) I always speak in a calm flat voice which, if anything, would cause the other party to lose it (and thereby show themselves up silly).

But I guess you must have learnt all this already. Or 70% of it, anyway.

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counting
By Counting numbers
19th Apr 2021 13:32

Good luck to you.. as @tom123 keeping posting on here. There is always someone with great advice on this site.

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