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Tolerating people

Help me to handle being around others please

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Hi all

A Friday afternoon question!

I know a lot (most?) of you are business owners and so perhaps not as affected by the issues we peons face day to day, however I also feel my question may be related to something most people have experienced, either professionally or otherwise.

I have a low tolerance for... well, I'd call it one thing, but others I feel would say 'noise'.  I am fine if people are chatting away, fine if there is drilling going on, all that sort of thing.  I am not fine if people make noise (clicking pens, drumming, being shrill, tutting... the list goes on!).  To be fair to my 'fellow' humans, my cat drives me up the wall when she baths herself, the noise sets me on edge...

I believe from chatting to others that I have some sort of condition, as what they find annoying or 'a bit of a distraction' for me is much more pronounced and makes me angry and upset (mainly the latter).  This is not conductive to good working patterns. 

I want to address this, does anyone have any pointers?  Sometimes I am fine, so I suspect it is mood related (and clearly makes my mood worse, so it's a spiral).

Is there a book called 'How to tolerate people'?

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By AW71
03rd May 2019 17:03

I started working for myself a few years ago from home for this very reason. Bliss.

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03rd May 2019 18:34

I used to be insanely irritated by the way an ex-assistant ate her soup at lunch time (tapping on the side of the bowl with her spoon)

my wife gets irked when I clash cutlery into my teeth.

The more you listen for this stuff, the more it drives you nuts.

I don't have any answers to any of it, other than noise cancelling headphones and occasionally shouting at people to stop doing XYZ. [Normally met by blank expression at the crazy in the corner who has just ranted about something inconsequential to their eyes!]

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to ireallyshouldknowthisbut
03rd May 2019 17:08

ireallyshouldknowthisbut wrote:

(tapping on the side of the bowel with her spoon)

Gross.

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to Accountant A
03rd May 2019 17:26

Accountant A wrote:

Gross.

144 what ?

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to Accountant A
03rd May 2019 18:36

@A, it was her large intestine.

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to ireallyshouldknowthisbut
04th May 2019 07:44

ireallyshouldknowthisbut wrote:

my wife gets irked when I clash cutlery into my teeth.

Snap

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to ireallyshouldknowthisbut
10th May 2019 12:12

ireallyshouldknowthisbut wrote:

my wife gets irked when I clash cutlery into my teeth.

Why are you putting your cutlery in your dentures glass?

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03rd May 2019 17:09

I'm with Satre. 'Hell is other people.'

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to Accountant A
03rd May 2019 17:16

Satre?

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to Vile Nortin Naipaan
03rd May 2019 17:43

Jen-Pal

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03rd May 2019 17:27

Yes, you're much better working on your own.

I hate sitting with the plebs at rugby games. Fortunately, I'm in the happy position of not having to do this often but it's ridiculous how often you're asked to get up to let somebody get past you for one of the three Ps.

Can't they sit still for 40 minutes ? I go to a rugby match to watch the rugby. If I want to eat and drink I'd go to the pub.

Give me York and Rochdale over Halifax and Dewsbury any time.

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By AW71
03rd May 2019 17:22

This thread reminds me of the opening scene in Falling Down.

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03rd May 2019 17:25

It's easier to change oneself than other people.

I'm no expert (no, really I'm not), but I would imagine you first need to understand why it is that these things make you feel the way you do before workable solutions can be administered.

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03rd May 2019 17:49

and that's how my practice started... couldn't bear working with people that weren't switched on 100% like me

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By CJaneH
03rd May 2019 18:07

There is a condition called APD Auditory Processing Disorder which basically means that the individual affected cannot tune out back ground noise.

In my case heater and extractor fans on squash courts,indoor tennis courts & changing rooms. Air conditioners in hotel function rooms when attending a lecture. Music in bars, supermarkets etc. Certain TV & Radio news that require the headline over raucous music. The list goes on. You need to avoid where possible
It is not a matter of will power.

As a one woman business I avoid it a work, but I am sure I could not now cope with a n open plan office,

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By RedFive
03rd May 2019 18:54

People making 'facetime' calls in public without headphones

Watching TV on their mobiles on trains - without headphones

Making phone calls in restaurants / letting kids play mobile phone games with volume on

Writing texts with the 'click' setting on

Watching Youtube videos on their mobile in pubs (yes you guessed it) without headphones

Listening to music (with headphones) too loud so I can hear every. single. word.

People that put full. stops. after. everything. to. make. a point.

SHOUTING ON EMAIL

Zombie walking while looking at their phones.

Sniffing

coughing / sneezing and not covering mouth

Talking in lifts

music in bars / restaurants too loud to have a conversation by (though does drown out the Youtubers)

standing on the left on an escalator

Not keeping left when moving between platforms when CLEARLY INDICATED YOU MORONS

Parking next to me in a car park when there are a million empty spaces elsewhere.

Not putting the cans of beans and other assorted food products the right way round in the food cupboard (mainly aimed at my wife)

Standing too close to me in a queue, or like anywhere.

Pushing to get on the train / lift when I'm standing at the door and if I don't get out then I actually might kill you.

>>>>>> I've only got started, but I'll leave it there as its 7 oclock on Friday and I'm still in the office answering stupid peoples questions that I've answered already.

Been hapily married for 25 years next week - no idea how.

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to RedFive
04th May 2019 07:41

I’ve thought for a while that there should be a ‘like’ button on here as well as ‘thanks’....the solution to the food tins being upside down, by the way, is to pack the shopping away yourself, but I expect you’ve already been told that..........

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to WhiteRose
04th May 2019 09:40

WhiteRose wrote:

I’ve thought for a while that there should be a ‘like’ button on here as well as ‘thanks’....the solution to the food tins being upside down, by the way, is to pack the shopping away yourself, but I expect you’ve already been told that..........

Some stuff is better stored upside down. Comes out of the tin easier when it's opened.

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to lionofludesch
04th May 2019 10:13

Like three-quarters empty jars of hoi-sin sauce.

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By DJKL
03rd May 2019 18:56

The cure for me is to take deep breaths.

I have issues with my other half snoring, especially if it is intermittent, as I have got older I have also found getting to sleep generally more difficult. Whilst it does not always work, trying to relax and deep breaths seems to help me destress from the racket and then get to sleep.

Catch with this approach re your issue is it could have you falling asleep at work.

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03rd May 2019 22:36

Its not really people you cant tolerate, its irritating noises. Like my husband when anyone eats crisps and me with dogs when they "over bark"

Are people around you really making that many irritating noises?

It probably is a "thing", just like me and hating social situations, but Im not sure its a major thing if its upset not anger. Coping techniques for it?Husband turns on music if he can, or earbuds if he cant. And if earbuds arent an option he moans like hell when he gets home and crosses crisps off any shopping list in his vicinity.

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04th May 2019 07:51

The fact that AW email you if someone ‘thanks’ your post, but don’t if someone ‘replies’, meaning that can miss out on an answer/mini-conversation, unless you follow the whole thread and have your inbox clogged up with rubbish*

*not all posts are rubbish.

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04th May 2019 09:46

Have you tried yoga breathing exercises? They can help you zone out when something is annoying you and it calms you down. I use them when things irritate me. Dr Rangan Chatterjee has some breathing technics on his website. Breathing and counting might work for you.

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04th May 2019 16:57

Suggestions include:
CBT
Earphones with white/brown/pink noise
Go for a walk
Breathing/counting

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09th May 2019 11:43

Hi all

Thanks for the tips (less thanks for the extra lists of things that could annoy me :p).

Basically I have concluded that while most people ARE annoying, it is clearly a 'meet half way' thing and I need to try and increase my tolerance.

I gave it some thought and (don't laugh) I'm starting with my cat, as vindictive as I like to think she is, she is 100% (99%) not doing things just to annoy me, so I can rule out the whole 'intentionally doing this to upset me' angle. I am now letting her make her noises near me and working on staying calm. I can then work up from there.

I do enjoy people suggesting I wear headphones, you clearly don't work in my office (shouted conversations are fine, stopping work to mess around apparently also, but saying you are having trouble concentrating and wanting to put white noise on is a no-no).

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By mrme89
09th May 2019 12:32

I went to watch Leeds United on Monday and someone nearby kept letting one rip. Smelt rank. Not on.

I have a boss that thinks licking the spoon after stirring his hot drink is acceptable. He also thinks by giving it a quick rinse before putting it back in the cupboard is also acceptable. Disgusting. Not on.

Someone mentioned kids tablets in a public spaces. I'd rather sit there listening to Peppa Pig or whatever else in the background than a bored toddler screaming because they are bored shopping / in a restaurant / anywhere else where I happen to be.

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By itp3e
10th May 2019 11:43

Just shoot the people Who are making the noise. That should solve the problem.

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to itp3e
10th May 2019 11:55

itp3e wrote:

Just shoot the people Who are making the noise. That should solve the problem.

Use a silencer, obviously.

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By Selaen
10th May 2019 13:16

Late to the party but have you read up on misophonia?

Difference between regular noise issues vs miso is the scale - if you get a lil' irritated, you're probably just a bitty crochety. If you get pushed to anger you might be in miso territory.

Avoidance, mimicking, mindfulness are easy & common practices. SSRIs/CBD/CBT are more clinical methods and then there's the good ole high-five-the-bugler-in-the-face-with-a-chair approach.

Last one might not be totally kosher nor recommended.

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13th May 2019 10:21

Can I add to the list,
People who ring you up and say'just a quick question, 45 minutes later having explained the dynamics of the big bang and how mass extinction works, they say must go I am in a hurry (like I am not)

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to eckbookkeeping
14th May 2019 11:54

This is a real bugbear of mine too. It's as if their time is far more important than yours. Very frustrating!

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13th May 2019 10:32

People who send an email at 2 in the morning entitled Quick Question then when you reply (having taken an hour in research/typing) end up ignoring it or life's moved on and it doesn't matter any more.

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14th May 2019 12:28

Ooh, I missed this thread! You think you have a low tolerance for other people. Trust me, you're a lightweight in the intolerance people. In my opinion 99.9% of people are in urgent need of some serious slap therapy, and I'd probably through in a facial fist massage for the vast majority as well.

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