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Want to be a member?

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I propose to call this new organisation the Institute of Shattered Accountants.
Phil Rees

Replies (21)

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The Business Growth Secret
By anndartnall
08th Feb 2004 14:09

I SAy, can I join?
I SAw your emails and laughed.
InSAnity beckoned me, too.
Membership more limited than the Jehovah's Witnesses, without the need to knock on doors - IAST - I Support (the) Almighty Taxman.

Can you make mine a gin & tonic?
Ann

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By carnmores
02nd Feb 2004 11:44

11pm saturday!
i always blame myself for not getting everything done earlier, and like some others am partly to blame but it really is a shattering experience and without FBI i simply could not complete all the tasks, so thanks to Digita and all other FBI enablers who facilitate small overworked and stressed practices to work to the bitter end....

20 returns went in after 4pm on saturday with only 1 knock back so i had to trot around the corner at 11 and try and stuff it thro a full letterbox, then on to companies house for that last set of accounts

there is no quality of life acting like this so its time for a root and branch internal audit of the way we work, am i a stressaholic?

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By User deleted
02nd Feb 2004 11:13

avoidance/evasion
This tax problem is easy to avoid. Simply don't do personal tax work. I stick to corporates, not riff-raff personal tax cases.

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By Albasas
02nd Feb 2004 10:54

ISA (Idiotic Self Assessment?)
Unfortunately, the ISA acronym is already taken and I could suggest yet another alternative above.

On a more serious note, I'm experiencing more deaths year-on-year within my client base. Coincidentally, (?), only at the run up to the SA DEADLINE, for some reason I also note ! Too much traditional feasting followed by a marathon session of stressful book-keeping is obviously bad for your health? Or is it just coincidence perhaps? Somethings got to give. My money's on the SA deadline.

I dont care any longer for those client's who try and endanger your health! Therefore if invited to join, (mini or maxi subscription!), I would have to put my life first and decline your offer!

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By AnonymousUser
02nd Feb 2004 17:06

Inevitable
The title of the posting was, I suppose, inescapable. Unfortunately, I think that the ISA breaches all three of Cleese's rules of comedy:

- No puns;

- No puns;&

- No puns.

But, perhaps, this is all that could be expected from over-taxed brains at this time of year. Clearly such brinkmanship should be avoided in future.

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By AnonymousUser
03rd Feb 2004 06:18

AICPA is the best name for this new professional organisation
A - Association
of
I - International
C - Certified
P - Public
A - Accountants

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By AnonymousUser
03rd Feb 2004 06:42

ISA?
It is called Internal Security Act in Malaysia.

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By Robert Clubb
03rd Feb 2004 14:10

Motivating Clients
I have just emerged from the worst January since 1997.

The fact that the IR has not done a good job in sending out timely reminders to taxpayers or, seemingly, spent as much money on media advertising has made many of my clients even less motivated than normal.

Lots of ideas on how to motivate clients have been forthcoming from colleagues, but apart from 'tipping' clients over the side, nothing seems to have worked.

If there is anyone out there who has tried and trusted motivational skills, can they let me have a few sentences or paragraghs that I can incorporate into a letter?

Otherwise, I fear that I might be 'sectioned' next year.

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By The Minion
03rd Feb 2004 15:01

ISA
Delighted to become a member, only a couple of conditions (or so)

1. The annual membership meetings must be held somewhere dry, hot and sunny.

2. The AMMs must last no less than thirty days.

3. The AMMs must always start on 2nd January and finish on 31st January (so i've just got enough time to crawl off the plane and post my return).

4. All drinks should be included in the membership fee.

Not much to ask, i await the application form.

The meetin

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By The Minion
04th Feb 2004 09:21

want to be a member
Robert

We tried one thing last year that worked and we have repeated it again this year.

We notify all of our clients that if we do not have their complete information in by end of November we will submit a provisional return on their behalf (fixed cost £75 or £125 plus vat depending on type of return).

If they send everything in before deadline no problem. If they don't we prepare provisional return and invoice to client separately.

We still the "usual suspects" but they are either getting fewer or at least slightly more profitable.

PS you can insert whatever figure you feel hits the clients pain threshold without driving them away, unless you want to of course!

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By tomcogzell.blueyonder.co.
04th Feb 2004 11:36

The green eyed monster
Yes David and reviewing some of these posts I'm convinced that dementia leaves you at 60 rather than vice versa!

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By The Minion
04th Feb 2004 10:55

want to be a member
I am sorry Tom, but obviously the eyesight starts to fade after the age of sixty.

You have joined in on the Institute of shattered accountants postings.

The postings for the institute of smug (ex) accountanst is next door!

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By Abacjm
04th Feb 2004 18:30

My Story and ISA Member Rules
I too sent my last return by ELS at 11:45pm on Saturday night. I sat back in my chair and had another copious Laphroaig before I set off (smugly) into the house - which is about 50 yards from my office front door. I put the bottle into my jacket pocket, took one last look at the carnage I was leaving behind, made sure the computer and the heater were both off and stepped out of my office.

Halfway down the steps, I slipped and fell. It was freezing here on Saturday night and JF had seen fit to spread himself liberally over my wooden steps. I heard a crack like glass shattering as I hit the bottom step and then felt this wet liquid sliding down my leg...
"I sure hope that is blood," I thought, as I got to my feet, unsteadily, looking around, as one does, just in case anyone had seen me fall!
My 6 y-old Spaniel, who always sits outside the office door till I come out, looked at me askance, as if to say, "And for your next trick....?"

Enough about me (No, it was not blood, Phil, much worse, I am afraid!!!)

RULES FOR MEMBERS OF ISA CLUB

1) No one is allowed to visit London - because Nno one is allowed to touch the Capital)

2) Interest can be withdrawn if it can be shown that the member is not showing any and/or is an existing member of the Born Dull Club!

3) Minimum term of membership has to be 5 years.

4) Everything and everyone in an ISA will enjoy tax-free status (compliments of one G Brown Esq)

5) Members to be given free use of a Parker-Knoll and a case of whisky per year (investment being a mix of chairs and cache)

6) Only 3000 members allowed per year.

7) Priority for membership will be given to sole practitioners who begin each sentence with the words ISA, eg "I SAt down with this client once...." or I SAmpled a nice drop of Laphroaig the other night...."

8) I SAmpled another drop tonight...

9) I SA....(Hic!)

10) I SHA shuckchess,

Yours etc
Phillip McGlass
ISA President (Scotland)

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By AnonymousUser
04th Feb 2004 17:00

Yummy..
Phil, I had special fried rice for lunch today. It was absolutely yummy! Any chance of a Psycotherapy Zone on this site?

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By tomcogzell.blueyonder.co.
03rd Feb 2004 21:55

re; Avoidance/ Evasion
I took Roger Rabbit's idea a stage further, I don't do any work at all - I packed it all up at 60! Just off down to the Golf Club now . Cheers

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By AnonymousUser
03rd Feb 2004 08:34

ISA!
Institute of Supervisory Accountants, AISA (Associate) FISA (fellows)

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By AnonymousUser
05th Feb 2004 14:42

I table?

I am not a member of mensa. I couldn't understand the question paper.

I am glad to see so much interest in my new venture.

Keep the answers coming and I shall look foraward to reading them all when I get back from my holiday on 16 February. Don't work too hard, guys and gals.

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By AnonymousUser
06th Feb 2004 09:13

In My Dreams
Smug ex accountant David? In my dreams! I am not only shattered, but defeated. Jan 04 will prove to be worse than previous ones because unlike previous years we emerge exhausted, only to find the reality of MLRs hurtling towards us.

I am in my 40s, shattered and disillusioned, and I never asked to be part of the UK's Secret Police Force. I just want to earn a living, help and deal with people.

SA deadlines will seem as nothing when the MLR's endless report filling finally takes grip on our working lives. With time being the most precious commodity we have, it probably IS now time to try to get out and "get a life" as the lady said.

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By AnonymousUser
04th Feb 2004 05:57

ASCA
Associate Member, Institute of Company Accountants, UK (ASCA), now merger with the best accountancy body called the Association of International Accountants.

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By CGVass
03rd Feb 2004 21:16

Merger
Perhaps the ISA should join forces with the ASCA - the Association of Shattered Certified Accountants?

Just a thought.........

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By AnonymousUser
05th Feb 2004 11:32

I table..
a motion that the I S A should sponsor 1 full time psychiatrist, 1 psychologist, and, funds permitting, 1 hypnotist.

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