Had a new prospect come to see me yesterday. He was an employee of a good client of mine until August 2019, then had a big fall out and went CIS self employed. I said I'd look at his records.
They consist of P45 (which I'd given him), CIS tax certificates for months 10-12, a dog-eared bank statement for December, showing three payments in, two of which were from a building firm but for which he had no tax certificates, and a £10 bill for diesel.
I looked at them and said, "Have you heard about these firms that'll sort out your tax online for £99 ?"
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Doesn't sound too bad. I thought it was going to be a taxi driver from the title!
The other day I chased one to be told, oh I've moved abroad so didn't think I had to do a tax return, can you get it cancelled?
Sounds like a delight compared to some!
I have a client, a teaching / schools adviser. Sent me the records this year, which comprise 1 email stating the following:
Income around 70k after expenses. Expenses all same as last year.
I asked for more specific figures and backup documents. They ignored the request for documents and replied:
Travel: £6000
Books / reference: £3000
New computer £1000
This is a professional person with relatively high earnings.
Sounds like a delight compared to some!
I have a client, a teaching / schools adviser. Sent me the records this year, which comprise 1 email stating the following:
Income around 70k after expenses. Expenses all same as last year.
I asked for more specific figures and backup documents. They ignored the request for documents and replied:
Travel: £6000
Books / reference: £3000
New computer £1000This is a professional person with relatively high earnings.
Tax free high earnings until he gets caught
Lol - I have also mentioned this service to a PITA potential client that I didn't want to take on.
If you look at the average/poor/bad reviews on Trustpilot, there are some classics on there - people moaning that they paid £120 but only got the basic tax return without any advice; or that the accountant took 24 hours to respond to an email(!); or their tax bill didn't match their colleagues.
Hopefully, this leaves better quality clients left for the rest of us....
Well today I was emailed 12 months bank statements. That's it.
He wanted a return from just that.
He said everything was business, in and out. On the first page was Sunbed City and JD sports, CSA payments, rent, gas and electric, water etc.
The bloke is a plasterer. Poor sod must have to pay clients bills to get the work.
I asked for sales invoices and he said 'I don't work in sales sorry love, I'm a plasterer' - silly me.
I don't know what's worse, a black bag full of white receipts (ink faded) or nothing.
Not sure he'll be back. He got in a huff when I told him he couldn't claim the van payments, just the interest, then when i saw the document its not even in his name, so not even the interest! A family member took out the loan and he pays them monthly.
I love those ink faded petrol receipts. I stare for hours at them trying to catch a glimps of some sort of amount endlessly wishing they had just wrote the figure on it.
I tell clients to keep everything for 6 years should HMRC open an enquiry too! If that's how they look now....
Did once have a client that tore a scrap of paper in front of me and hand wrote the expense and amount there and then when I asked for a receipt, genuinely thinking that would do.
That was slightly better though than The Hoarder - the lovely client who kept every document for every tax year and produced them all on each visit.
That was slightly better though than The Hoarder - the lovely client who kept every document for every tax year and produced them all on each visit.
Years ago I had a little old lady client like that. Went to pick up details for the return (div vouchers etc.,) and she'd spend the the whole meeting pottering off to find a different tobacco tin with papers stored in it, such as every TV licence she'd ever had, but rarely what we were looking for :D
Oh yes, that sounds very familiar :). Mine disappears upstairs for ages and I can hear her rummaging around before she comes back down with a completely irrelevant document or the right info but for the wrong year.
Ah yes, 'The Hoarder'. My 'hoarder' hole punches her receipts for the file. There is even indentation marks where she has ensured the holes are central to the receipt.
Mark the figure with highlighter pen. It is amazing how much clearer even the most faded figures become.
I might just get my children to colour the whole receipt, then send it into the school as proof I've been doing the home schooling with them.
Ah-ha, i never knew that! Thank you. I have a magnifying glass, small torch and camera zoom, at the ready for the most faded, so hopefully this will stop me looking like an archaeologist in future. Thank you.
Mark the figure with highlighter pen. It is amazing how much clearer even the most faded figures become.
Is that what they call forensic accounting?
Sounds like a joy to me!
I'm dealing with a VAT registered company who hasnt submitted VAT returns, CT returns or director IT returns... since the company was set up.... four years ago. He shouldnt have registered in the first place.
Cant get csv out of the bank so has sent me pdf (than goodness for Autorec).
I'm now quite chummy with 'Dave' the VAT inspector - I've not 'met' the CT inspector yet although I presume I have that joy to come.
And yes... billed on acc in advance.
I had one this year who has done his own return for years, but needed to see someone this year because he'd cashed a pension in.
He has since day dot been preparing his tax returns on a future year basis! Brought in the June 2020 figures. They were obviously the June 2020 figures as they included his SEISS grant received in the May…
He's always prepared it this way. It a 2020 return so obviously it's his accounts to 2020 HMRC want. Looked at me as if I was stupid for suggesting otherwise. You could just tell there'd be no talking to him.
Thankfully he made a pittance the last few years to the point that he wouldn't even breach the NIC limits, and his pension was just the tax free lump sum, so I sent him on his way happy that he wouldn't have to pay tax on that.
I have so many worse client stories it's hard to pick. Client begging to reduce the £40 fee increase promising I could charge what I like next year if I just dropped it.
But I think the best is a monthly Bookkeeping client who didn't send any work for 12 months then blamed me for not discovering he'd gone over the vat threshold, and disengaged.
Yep we have to be psychic now too.
I’m in that exact situation right now. Apparently it’s my fault, I had to be quite firm with him “it’s not my fault you went over the VAT threshold and if you want me to help you you’ll need to stop speaking to me like that”. He’s calmed his coconuts a little bit now
Slightly off topic but one of my favourites was a client that called in a panic
Client "I have just had a letter from HMRC, what does it say"
Me "Open it and find out"
Client "I dont want to, cant you tell me what it will say"
I visited a prospective client (building surveyor) a few years ago because HMRC had sent in bailiffs. I found he had a banana box full of unopened brown envelopes. I insisted we open them. There were dozens from HMRC but also quite a number that enclosed cheques from clients and ex clients. I eventually did six years worth of returns- almost all with zero tax due- and, to my surprise, HMRC accepted my pleas and returned thousands in penalties that he had paid each time they sent in collectors.
A new client hadn't opened the HMRC brown envelopes for several years as a result of depression. In the meeting I opened them all and it all got a bit tearful. Pretty straightforward to sort out but an eyeopener how personal issues can cause a minor tax matter to become a major one.
The thing I really love this time of year are the last minute emails from clients apologising and telling us that they realise we are very busy but that they have attached all the information - then when you open the email they have sent the wrong year
Had one client, whom I was in the process of firing, send me the following, after I had asked him for some details regarding sale of investment property, residency (since he was spending a helluva lot of time abroad), etc.:
"Reading your email I realise it really is better that I take responsibility for my tax return. You and I are cut from such different cloth, so I shall resort to my old habit of ignoring HMRC etc. and sticking my metaphorical finger up at them when suitably inappropriate. I imagine that this might seem reprehensible to you, but I suppose we are simply from opposite ends of the spectrum"
Too Right we are!