Existence of god has been a big question mark on my mind since my teenage years. I have real difficulty with this one since I was brought up in an environment where religion was drummed into me. I was not allowed to question my religion.
In my thinking moments I ask to myself, who made god? Did she just appear? More importantly there are such important areas where there is complete lack of involvement of god? These questions are raised by most people, I am sure.
• Children being abused and starved • Famine • Wars • Large scale loss of life due to natural disasters • Unfairness of life in general. Your outcome is decided through accident of birth. You can work very hard to change this.
How can any god just let all this just pass by? She is all knowing!
Religion divides people rather than bring them together. Think of number of killings that could have been avoided without religion.
If I am true to myself I am a Humanist. Yet, I am left with a deep fear for not believing in the divine one. What if there is a god? I have noticed in my absolute worst times, I found myself praying to a god to make it better.
So I am a Humanist when everything is normal in my life. I start praying (very rare) when I am at the lowest of the low. Further, when it comes to my death I would like my funeral to be in accordance to the religion I was brought up with. I just want to cover myself just in case there is a god!