To give you some idea how much being fat affects me, I will write how I feel when I get up each morning.
I appear to other people as a great, confident and happy with myself person. This is far from the truth. My excess weight really affects the way I feel. As I am sure you know, how you feel on the inside affects how you appear on the outside. The change has start from the inside.
Every morning, I avoid as long as possibe to have a shower. I just do not want to look at myself and be even more aware of my excess weight. Once I have had a shower, I then again avoid putting on clothes for as long as possible. I am so worried that my clothes may be even tighter. I will not look at myself at a full length mirror since I just do not want to look at myself below the neck line.
Once I am in the office and start working, I forget about all my weight issues and become a normal professional. Work for me (and food!) is a geat drug.
I am not at all happy with the way I look at present since I know we judge others on how they look, what they wear and lastly how they speak. The first few seconds in meeting someone new are vital. I think I should be my normal weight so clothers would fit better, I would look far better and healther. So my weight is such a big weight on my mind.
Yet I am not taking effective steps to lose the weight! I carryon eating! Why!!! At times I get so angry with myself and eat more!
It is really stupid losing weight is one key area that would make me happier, confident and I am sure it will be good for my business. At the same time, I say to myself I do not have the time to make the changes in my life to lose weight!! I am a fool!
At this stage I do not have clear solutions and to be frank I am not looking for easy solutions. What I am doing is exploring the way I am at this stage. Is AW the right place to do this? To me it does not matter. The worst that could happen is terrible embarrassment. This is such a small price to pay to help myself and hopefully few other people.