Radio silence

Share this content

It has been a long time since my last blog post. So much has happened to me mentally over the past few weeks. I have been thinking, evaluating and trying to work out the meaning of my life. Big questions. I think this can be called a midlife crisis. For me it is a big one. On top of all this, I really fell for someone who I thought was so right for me. Unfortunately those feelings were not mutual.Trying to move on now is difficult.

I wish I knew what triggered my current mental state. It just happened one day. I am sure we all have areas we are not happy with ourselves with. The big questions in my case are:

  • I do not have any children ( I did not want them, till now)
  • My business is okay. It should be far better. Plus I am having doubts about the world of accountancy practice. Low returns, hard work and some demanding clients. At the same time I love not working for someone.
  • I have siblings, no partner and no children. On partner front I have been on many dates, I am now really put off for the moment.
  • What the hell have I been doing with my life! Why did I not think about these big questions earlier in my life!

I am finding it difficult to describe in my mental state. I do not think this blog puts it well. I do not want counselling. It does not work for me.

On the weight loss front, I am carrying on. Losing weight, putting it on and losing again. I will post a blog on this subject after my next weighin,

I think I have changed over the past few weeks. In the sense that things that were important to me before have little meaning now. Is this part of the ageing process?

Thank you Flash for your PM.

All - Will all due respect I may not respond to PMs. I apologise  in advance for this.

About FirstTab


Blogs about my week in a boutique practice. My independent channel:


Please login or register to join the discussion.

26th Jun 2012 08:40

Low returns and hard work?

I don't agree with you.

Maybe the returns are not huge if you stay a sole practitioner because there's a limit to what you can do unless you go for a niche market, but they are a lot better than most things you can do and the work isn't exactly onerous. Most of the work is pretty straight forward. If your staff has left I think that this may be your problem. You feel lonely both in your business and personally.

If you take on staff I think it would get better.

You should try to spend time analysing your clients and revenues and see which are good for you both financially and otherwise. You don't have to take any action immediately but you may consider the attributes of the clients you want more of and those you want less of.

When you say you found somebody you felt was right for you I think that's the wrong way to look at it. You should think of people who you are both right for each other. I'd go for less analysis and more fun.

Thanks (0)
26th Jun 2012 08:51


I currently have two people working with me.

Thanks (0)
26th Jun 2012 09:50


That's good. It should mean your income is increased.

Thanks (0)
26th Jun 2012 11:26

Bread winner syndrome I believe the Americans call it. You knock yourself out for years and then find yourself wondering what it was all for.

Its title suggests that it is an age thing so I doubt you're in any way unique in having the feelings you're having. I'll leave it there as anything more added will only come across as an attempt at amateur psychology.


Thanks (0)
By Old Greying Accountant
26th Jun 2012 13:20

In the words of Michael Stipe ...

... you're not not not not alone!

And to misquote Fleetwood Mac, you must go your own way.

The secret, for me, is to find what you like and enjoy it, all else wiill follow - generally the harder you look for something, the less likely you are to find it.

Enjoy yourself, enjoy your own company and let time do its work, but above all keep your heart and eyes open.


Thanks (0)
By Flash Gordon
26th Jun 2012 15:33

Dump the demanding?

Could you dump (or sell) some of the more demanding clients? Sacking one annoying client made a huge difference to my stress levels! It does mean less money but feels miles better and provides time to focus on getting new, better fit clients..... Don't waste your life on the bad ones!

Like OGA says, you're definitely not alone. Even superheroes have the odd mid life crisis and wonder where life is going :)

(Thanks OGA, I've now got Fleetwood Mac going round & round in my head!)

Thanks (0)
28th Jun 2012 08:16

This helped me...

I am accountancy not medically qualified I hasten to say but 'Overcoming low self-esteem' by Melanie Fennell is an amazing book and helped me to undestand that I'm actually an okay sort of person and to accept myself - warts and all (not literally, don't worry).

I also learnt that others are not better than me just better actors which isn't a judgement on them but if you've seen Batman you'll understand what I mean - if you pretend to have fun you might just end up having some by accident.

It's brilliant to see you back.

Thanks (0)
28th Jun 2012 08:30

self esteem, returns and fun

I don't think FT is giving the impression he has low self esteem. It seems more like that he is not happy with his situation.

He says he has to people working with him but I'm not sure what that means. Are they employees or people who help him when he is busy? If he's busy why aren't the returns satisfactory? More questions than answers at this stage.

I wouldn't advise anybody to pretend to have fun and hope to have fun by accident. I'd advise them to do what is fun for them.

Thanks (0)
28th Jun 2012 21:56

I know what you're saying...

but sometimes when you get low even those things you used to enjoy can seem a chore and you do have to work at having fun.

The book I read helped to correct a negative view I had of myself and realise I was good enough and not try to live up to something or someone else.

I feel FirstTab (sorry I feel I've hijacked your blog here and talking as if you're not there) has previously compared himself unfavourably with his siblings and we should evaluate our lives by reference to our own strengths not those around us.

I don't mean to preach but just trying yo help.

Thanks (0)