Career versus mum
I know I keep blogging about this but this is one thing that keeps bugging me.
In an ideal world I'd like to work part time doing the hours that suit me and earn loads of money and still be able to be at home with my kids and do stuff with them. The reality for me was working part time or on a sub contracting basis led to rubbish pay compared to how much work I did and how much I was on before but I was able to do some stuff with my daughter during the day as I did a lot of work in the evening and night. However, I was constantly tired and being pregnant with baby number 2 didn't help and I was quite short in temper with my daughter, although I stopped myself if I did realise it.
During this time, I kept thinking it would be so much easier being a full time mum, especially considering how little I felt that I earned and how much effort I had put into it and I also felt like I was a free technical helpline for any queries they had when the company I was subcontracting for got stuck. Ok, so I feel bitter and hard done by, but I guess I should also remember that I haven't worked full time since summer 2010 when I went on maternity leave with my first daughter. I'm now on maternity leave for the second baby so I guess I should be grateful that I managed to get some flexible sub contracting work where I could work from home at the time that suited me so that during the day I could spend time with my daughter.
One of my biggest problems of working for myself that I found was that some things because I don't do it on a regular basis or I had forgotten bits, there's no one that I can really turn to for help, like colleagues, or the boss or even old working papers. There are things that I know I'm good at and I can whizz through them. There have also been times when I've been on CPD courses which has jogged my memory about something that I may have forgotten which has been really useful. And there's always this website which has been very helpful but sometimes I feel like a bit of a fraud for asking such a simple question, especially as I'm applying for my practicing certificate so I should know a lot if things. So then I think maybe I can get a part time job and work for myself once my maternity leave is over but I'm not really sure how much I think I can do. I want to do everything!
As I mentioned, I am now in the process of trying to obtain my ACCA practicing certificate and if I am successful, then hopefully, this will help me increase my fees and I'm hoping to use the maternity leave time to get things organised and ready. I guess I'm in the fortunate position of not having to worry about working as my husband earns enough for it not to be essential (at least for the moment) and which is why I can even consider being a full time mum.
So the reasons for being a full time mum are that I feel that being there for my daughter and baby number 2 is a good thing and would benefit them, educationally and with their behaviour and discipline. Secondly, the amount I got paid and the associated nursery fees so I could spend time working wasn't really worth it and on other days when I had to go to a meeting that was on a day that my daughter was not at nursery and I had to drop her off with whichever relative was free felt awful. It's good that my daughter gets to know her relatives too but I also felt like she picked up some bad habits going there. So ok, maybe I'm being a bit of a control freak here and I really should be grateful as to how much help I have had.
Also, there's a lot in the news about how parents work so hard that they don't have time for their kids whereas if they did stay at home, there would be less chance of unruly kids, apparently the type that were in the riots last summer. Then there are stories you here about grooming, internet abuse and bullying and I know you can't control everything but surely, I should do as much as I can. However, I shouldn't really spend too much time looking at government statistics as being an only child of a single parent should mean that I'm off the rails! But it's just that if I have the opportunity to stay at home and bring up my kids, should I not take advantage of this? But I have spent 10 year of my life working as an accountant. It forms part of my identity, I'm reluctant to give that up entirely, even just for a few years.
So there lies my dilemma. I don't expect it to be resolved instantly and I know it's going to take me time to figure out what works and what doesn't but hopefully without spending too much money and hopefully get the right balance eventually!
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