Up until now, all I have been thinking is that I need to work because it is what I have always done and I have worked and studied hard to get to where I am (until I went on maternity leave). I think if I stop, I won’t be able to get back into work or pick up from where I left. Now I am considering a scary question; why don’t I stop for a while? Not completely stop because I still have my subcontract work which isn’t bringing in loads but everything else about it is good for now. Instead, I stop looking for more work and then when I get more work worrying about having the time to fit it all in. Although when I do have the time to do it, I do enjoy it.
I just think that having a break from work and thinking about work all the time will give me more time to look after the girls. It will give me time to sort out their sleeping arrangement, toilet train the younger one, to visit and decide which schools I want to send them to and to stop shouting at them all the time and deal with their issues more calmly. I think if I could have just another year and a half, then the eldest will be at school and the younger one will be hopefully toilet trained and both will be sleeping better.
Financially, for about a year, we should be ok and if it means I can sort out all the above in that time, it would be a good thing although there is no guarantee that this will happen. At least I can say I gave it my best shot. But not working, not having a career, not having an income, not ‘doing it all’ is a scary thought when the only reason I’m at home is to be a mum, not because I got made redundant or because I’m on maternity leave. Especially when there are other mums out there who are doing it all. And then when I want to go to work or work more hours, what if I can’t get a job or any work? Although, as my husband said, I’m sure I’ll be able to get a job even if it’s not in accountancy or tax. It’s still a scary thought, especially as I’ve not worked full time since I went on maternity leave, almost four years ago.
Attempting to be an amazing accountant and an amazing mum, somehow combine the two and meet somewhere in the middle but currently failing at both. Hoping that in a few years I will have found something I enjoy doing or found some sort of work life balance and will be in a less stressed out place but until then, or as I get there, I think I...