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Incredibly busy

4th Mar 2013
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Sometimes I wonder what possessed me to have two kids and have them so close together. For the first couple of months, I had help from the family nearly every day and I did need it and I am incredibly grateful for it. However, as my second one is three months old, I still get a bit of help but not as much as before.

Every minute of my day is now accounted for, if one of them is not bawling their head off, the other one is having a tantrum. There are times when I feel guilty that I don't spend all my time with the baby like I could with the first one and then there are time when I feel guilty that I can't give all my attention to the older one when she needs it. I guess that is the joys and pitfalls of having two young kids.

In a way it's a challenge to get through this first year as sanely as possible without moaning too much and not collapsing into a heap. I made this choice and I will get through it. I don't mean to be righteous about it but its my way of keep going. I go to some mum and baby groups even though most days I just want to stay in my PJ's all day but it gets incredibly lonely watching cbeebies all day and not having much adult conversation. Seeing other mums, talking about our babies and knowing I'm not going through these challenges alone is good.

The one thing I do miss is not talking about accounts or tax or moaning about clients although reading about some of this on blogs and any answers helps when I get a chance. And then I have moments like this when both my kids are asleep and I think how incredibly lucky I am to have them ( and not just because they are asleep!).

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By FirstTab
04th Mar 2013 23:24

Want to swap places?

Great to read your blog Lilac1.  

I love children but don't have my own. I have a totally gorgeous niece (1 year old) who I see as often as I can. 

I would love not to think about work and just spend time with children. Though I understand the point you make about missing accounts and tax discussion.  

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By A mum and an accountant
05th Mar 2013 08:47

The thing is..
When we were trying I couldn't wait to have a 'break' from work and have kids. And I'm generally a quiet person and don't always need company to be entertained but when kids seems to take over your life and you have hardly anytime to yourself, work suddenly starts to look interesting. I might have mentioned it before, but your identity suddenly becomes very important.

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Universe
By SteveOH
05th Mar 2013 09:19

Ah, the joys of parenthood

You have my utmost praise in what you do. It must be quite a job sometimes. As you say, the difficulty is in not thinking that your sole role in life at the moment is to change nappies and deal with screaming little ones.

Just a thought about missing the accounting environment. Could you not see if you could get some subcontract work for a local accountant for a day a week in their office?

All the best and if your blogs become more and more stressed as time goes on, we'll know the reason why:)

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By rebtay
05th Mar 2013 10:01

It gets easier!

I have two myself and life is much more (disproportionately) difficult with two than one. But like most things it does get better. The first few months are horrendous and you do wonder sometimes if you will ever see the other side but then one day soon your youngest will be starting school and you'll wonder where the time went! 

Taking a break from work isn't a bad thing. Enjoy the time you do get to yourself, relax, do something just for you.

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By sap
05th Mar 2013 10:20

I don't think there is any perfect age gap  between children.  I have two and there is an 8 year gap between them.  In some ways it has been great my oldest will keep an eye on the little one while I pop the loo and understands that when I spend time with the little one there will be time later for her.  But it also has its problems, I had some of my own life back and could go out every now and again when my oldest was at sleep overs etc but now I back to babysitters and nursery places. 

I wouldn't have had it any other way though and once you get over that baby first year I know you will feel that way too.  I just wish I could spend more time at home with mine.

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By Sjsaccountant
21st Mar 2013 20:46

I found this blog today...
hello. I found this blog today and it is lovely to read that there are lots of mums out there with similar busy 'juggling' days. I have two boys one at nursery and one just started school with a business in its second year. I am constantly rechecking myself as to what my initial goal was with starting my business. - keep my cv alive, keep me sane mentally, act as backup plan if husband lost job...etc...it was not to make millions and forget the kids. I didn't realise how much I benefited from work until I became a full time Mum for four years....I don't look back at my decision in going it alone with accountancy but I am not the world's best at selling... Anyway....this blog is a great way of keeping sane. ..I was offered some work today travelling Europe on an ad hoc basis. - the old me would have loved it but why would I put my kids through not seeing me at night time? other opportunities will come. Thanks for this blog....

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By LMP
22nd Mar 2013 11:35

Child overload.

 Hi Lilac1,

 I know its difficult, but try to soldier on, the time will go very quickly & enjoy

 the brief time you have with your little ones before school.

 Just try to get past the 1st year, as they are changing so much on a weekly basis.

 I think your having a ' grass is greener moment'. It happens to all of us.

We need a good balance, but just keep going on your very enjoyable blog, (too many males on here ), Its very refreshing for the readers.

 After a year could you maybe get a couple of days / 1 day/week sub-contract work, do you think ? if the youngest is in childcare.

 Do you have a practising certificate by the way ?

 As I am hoping to get a small home based practice started, its a good idea

to get other contacts, and maybe collaberate in future re: work.

The work/life balance thing is not good with children, as I have found, my boy has a medical condition which means that he needs extra care. Employers aren't flexible or understanding enough really, so the only option is to be self-employed, I have found.

 Can you look into doing more online/specialist studies while you/re on mat leave to keep your brain active / challenged.

 Keep going / keep smiling.

 ta ta for now.

 lmp

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By A mum and an accountant
22nd Mar 2013 13:00

Thanks for all your posts. It's very helpful hearing how other people are doing with kids and being self employed. I've not got my practicing certificate yet but I'm in the process of getting it. I'm hoping to use this year to get this and all the insurance and processes in place. Up til now I've been doing sub contracting work and a few tax returns. Once I'm a little more free, I can start actively looking for more work.

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By Sarah Offord
27th Mar 2013 22:43

It honestly does get easier

I was in the same boat. My girl's are 15 months apart and in the early years it seemed like insanity! Within the last 12 months, both girls have started school full time and what's more they are so close they play together brilliantly so the forthcoming Easter holidays will be much less of a nightmare. I know I will be able to schedule half days getting some work done while they play very happily in their room. I think as long as I also schedule activities and trips out as rewards for letting me get some work done everyone will be happy. They are now 5 and 6 and not only am I earning a decent income from my practice, I can take a day off now and again and veg in front of tv in my pjs or take a day off to help out on a school trip or (my personal favorite) curl up under a duvet in front of the tv for cuddles on sick day. None of the stress of arranging time off work for sick days or to go to sports days or rocking up late to the school run in a panic.

In summary, life is great. It's been a hard 6 year slog to get here but now I'm here I wouldn't swap my life (maybe my house, perhaps a couple of my clients, but definatley not my life!)

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