Luce-id dreaming

Portia Nina Levin
Queen Bitch
Bitchville
Blogger
Share this content

So anyway underlings. I know I have been quiet for a while, but I was busy.

I thought an update from me, to make all you little people realise the extent of your unimportance, was well overdue.

Anyway, my friend Luce (think JoLum off of AbFab, and you will not be wide of the mark) has gotten herself into this thing called Luce-id dreaming - I say gotten into; it seems possible that she invented it, given that it seems to have been named after her - and has been on at me to give it a go.

Well, to be honest, I initially thought it was just a whole load of hocus pocus. Still, being a great lover of gin-based cocktails, I thought it deserved a bit of exploration.

Apparently the idea is that you start off by trying to remember your dreams - waking up in the middle of the night and making notes where necessary - with a view in the longer term of being able to actually take control of your dreams while you are dreaming them. "Then you can just go right ahead and give yourself the biggest doses of NLP and CBT imagineable", apparently, which sounds like fun.

So I had my first little foray into Luce-id dreaming the other day. Weird as FCUK, I can tell you.

There I was parking the Bentley outside this awful shopping "mall" (I hate that word, although it least it is better than the "center" alternative). I mean this place was absolutely frigging huge and painted the most gawdy orange, with huge white lettering in some prehistoric font, these awful flashing billboards all over the place. It was like an epileptic fit just waiting to happen.

Uggh, and those hideous orange "thumps up" signs everywhere.

On the way in I did take the opportunity to thank myself but I knew I was not going to be thanking anyone else.

And then it started. A bunch of complete idiots - one after another - coming up to me and asking me the most basic (and quite frankly truly moronic questions). Some of the nutters were even trying, with little success, to disguise their appearance. I started pointing most of them in the direction of their nearest Gorm stockist.

And then it happened! I took control of this dream. I dreamt up a "gun store" (I must have been sticking to the general "theme") and went in. I purchased a pump action shot gun, with an unilimited supply of ammunition (you can do that in Luce-id dreams!).

Zombie Apocalypse eat your heart out! Portia's in der house! Boom!

Boom! Boom!

One moron after another. Boom! Boom!

And then came an absolute plethora of cretins that still do not understand the difference between a "worker" and an "employee". Boom! Boom!

Seriously, this Luce-id dreaming stuff was just the best fun ever!

Until the little Brrrring! Brrrring! noise signifying that it was time for Monday morning's Port breakfast.

I am definitely planning a trip back to the hideous orange "mall" though.

About Portia Nina Levin

Portia profile image

Warning: May make stuff up.

Replies

Please login or register to join the discussion.

By DJKL
02nd Nov 2016 15:47

One presumes it might be possible, with a great deal of effort, to dream up a tranquil place,

"Where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be
happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!!!

You thought it was a joke and so you laughed, you laughed when I had said that loosing you would make me flip my lid.. RIGHT???
I know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed you laughed and laughed and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad... And.."

Thanks (0)
02nd Nov 2016 16:30

Sometimes these Luce-id dreams are the very nightmares of everyday life?
I've never tried one but, is there a facility for editing in the blog section of this store?
It's such a shame that we peasants don't have the option, on this side - don't you think?
All this orange, I think I've been TANGOeeeeeeeeeeed
£8,060

Thanks (0)
avatar
By CMED
02nd Nov 2016 19:11

I don't know why you don't do your blog more often. Most of us, of those who are still here, really enjoy them.

I have to say that I fear your friend Luce is leading you astray. Your dream purchase of a pump action shot gun, was, sadly, only a dream. 'Boom Boom' will change nothing.

Not even £8,060 can do anything.

Thanks (0)
02nd Nov 2016 23:25

Brilliant.

Thanks (0)
03rd Nov 2016 10:08

This is so good I am claiming it as CPD.

Is there an alligator store in this mall of which you speak?

Thanks (0)
avatar
03rd Nov 2016 13:01

You have brightened up my day!

Thanks (0)
avatar
07th Nov 2016 13:09

Love you Portia, you should have your own web site! x

Thanks (0)

Related content