So there I was

The Practitioner
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 ... sitting down for an initial chat with a prestigious new client at his impressive, pristine hard wood dining table. All very congenial.

Time to take a few notes after the initial chit chat so I got my notepad out of my bag. A few moments later I glanced down and noticed a centimetre long maggot creeping out of my pad across the mirror finish of the table!! I am hit with one of those classic moral dilemmas - do I:

a) draw attention to it and either admit that  I have imported said maggot into this guy's home and blame my dog/cat/grandchildren/poor household maintenance for planting it in my bag, or

b) laugh it off and imply that it must have been here all the time, i.e. that it's his maggot, or

c) at an appropriate time casually flick it onto the floor and hope it crawls away and dies unobtrusively somewhere, or

d) stall for time?

Having opted for (d) I then have to place my pen in front of the maggot so the client can't see it and hope that he leaves the table so I can take decisive action. No such luck, his wife hands him the coffees on her way past and he keeps his steely glare fixed on me. Rats!

Now I need my pen, so the coffee cup comes in handy as a replacement screen. Maggot clearly getting a little weary so thankfully less movement now.

Client drinking coffee, so feel I need to do likewise or maybe he'll think I don't like his wife's coffee, probably not a good move. I decide to take action. I casually lift my writing pad and drop it right next to the coffee cup, on top of the maggot. I lean heavily on the far edge of the pad as I pick up the cup and hope that I haven't made too much of a mess on the table.

The meeting concludes and I gather up my stuff. I hand the client a couple of tax leaflets to distract his gaze and pick up my pad in a way that ensures that I can see underneath it before he does. Thankfully the absorbant cardboad backing has soaked up most of the maggot and I'm able to use it to wipe the rest off the table as I drag the pad towards me. I leave the table relatively unscathed and beat a hasty retreat.

Back in the office I go to get my sandwiches out of my bag. Somehow they don't seem quite so appetising now. Feels like a good day to go to the pub instead!


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By Flash Gordon
23rd Feb 2012 13:39


Pure class!

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23rd Feb 2012 16:38

Until ................

. the client makes contact to ask if you saw his daughters pet maggot as she's distraught at its apparent loss. :-)

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23rd Feb 2012 18:15

I remember once . . .

I remember once visiting a potential new client at his home.  On the phone I had asked him to get hold of his copy of his latest business accounts (prepared by his current accountants) for me to review at the meeting.  He greeted me at the door with the accounts in hand.

Showing me into his dining room he invited me to take a seat and ignore his pet parrot fluttering around us.  No problem - but then he spotted that the seat he had drawn out for me was covered in bird sh*t.  In a flash he wiped it clean - with the accounts which he had in his hand!

Nice to know the value he placed on his business accounts . . .


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24th Feb 2012 14:59

you have broken rule 1

deal with it and move on , you would probabaly got more kudos by bringing the maggott into the coversation

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