Personally speaking:
1. Write them a letter. 1 letter per customer, preferably 1 letter per issue with the customer as they cannot handle multiple issues in the same letter (perhaps an attention span problem). Give them a fixed response period that is generous enough that when you end up in a court, you have a good defensible position and they look feckless. I use their published response times if available, or 28 days. I know. If there is ongoing correspondance, I include a copy of the most recent.
2. Send letter by a recorded delivery method. I know. Keep Proof of Delivery in the file.
3. 10 days later call them. Try up to 3 times if you don't get through. Log it for the file whether or not you get through.
4. At 28 days from date of delivery, raise a formal complaint (I know!). Log it for the file. Request a transcript of any "successful" calls "for evidential purposes".
4b. Complain in writing to my professional body, if they operate somesuch. You may want to call witnesses!
This can be summarised as:
Write/call/complain/repeat
The results are mixed, but definitely better than just write and/or call. It's based on the idea that the screamer gets the attention and thus you should be the screamer. It's expensive and time consuming and as the customer is likely to be footing the bill, perhaps speak to them first.
Not my horror story (although I have a few), but here's one related to me in the late 90's...
On a company away-day my perfect gentleman boss decides to go for a Jacuzzi. He undresses in the changing room and, now naked but for his towel, goes through to the tub, climbs in and soon falls asleep. Shortly afterwards, one of the (very attractive) female senior managers also fancies a Jacuzzi. She changes into her bikini and slips quietly into the water to avoid waking my boss. Soon my boss awakes and a few facts become immediately apparent to him:
1. It's a unisex hot tub.
2. He's naked.
3. His towel is hanging over a chair several feet from the tub.
4. The female manager doesn't know any of this.
5. The bikini is very small.
The story was told to me by the female manager, who added that the bikini was yellow and she was horrified to discover that when she got into the water, it went almost completely transparent.
I did not enquire how the story ended.
I feel like I might have written this before :)
"Hello lovely new potential customer, we operate a menu-pricing system for these types of enquiries that allow us to comply with our legal obligations and you to receive the best possible advice. Your situation may not be as simple as it first appears, so it will be risky for your position with HMRC for me to make any recommendation on the basis of the limited information you've provided. I will be happy to advise you just as soon as you've accepted the terms in our engagement letter, and selected from our menu the service you desire. That way I can advise you properly, and you are covered by our insurance."
Having had contact for many years directly with the teams that manage central gov email and DNS systems I can tell you that it is very hard indeed to properly fake an @hmrc.gov.uk email address, so if that is indeed where it came from and is the reply-to address, then it is very likely legit.
To my mind this is not far from invoice factoring, but without the financial risk. so..
"Hello lovely client, this is a service we offer to all our lovely customers under our menu pricing scheme [gotta love the menu pricing idea!]. We will be happy to chase invoices for you at the rate of £xx to start a chaser and yy% for each successful chase, with a minimum charge of £xx for each invoice chased. We will also be happy to advise techniques to reduce and minimise late payments and bad debts"
If it turns out to be a success, then go find yourself an apprentice and sell the service to everyone!
My answers
Personally speaking:
1. Write them a letter. 1 letter per customer, preferably 1 letter per issue with the customer as they cannot handle multiple issues in the same letter (perhaps an attention span problem). Give them a fixed response period that is generous enough that when you end up in a court, you have a good defensible position and they look feckless. I use their published response times if available, or 28 days. I know. If there is ongoing correspondance, I include a copy of the most recent.
2. Send letter by a recorded delivery method. I know. Keep Proof of Delivery in the file.
3. 10 days later call them. Try up to 3 times if you don't get through. Log it for the file whether or not you get through.
4. At 28 days from date of delivery, raise a formal complaint (I know!). Log it for the file. Request a transcript of any "successful" calls "for evidential purposes".
4b. Complain in writing to my professional body, if they operate somesuch. You may want to call witnesses!
This can be summarised as:
Write/call/complain/repeat
The results are mixed, but definitely better than just write and/or call. It's based on the idea that the screamer gets the attention and thus you should be the screamer. It's expensive and time consuming and as the customer is likely to be footing the bill, perhaps speak to them first.
Take a leaf from my teacher buddy:
Never justify yourself.
Never complain.
Never say please, always say thank you.
Sounds to me like the client has made a payment on account for the following year.
HMRC lying to cover their own @rses? Surely some mistake?
Not my horror story (although I have a few), but here's one related to me in the late 90's...
On a company away-day my perfect gentleman boss decides to go for a Jacuzzi. He undresses in the changing room and, now naked but for his towel, goes through to the tub, climbs in and soon falls asleep. Shortly afterwards, one of the (very attractive) female senior managers also fancies a Jacuzzi. She changes into her bikini and slips quietly into the water to avoid waking my boss. Soon my boss awakes and a few facts become immediately apparent to him:
1. It's a unisex hot tub.
2. He's naked.
3. His towel is hanging over a chair several feet from the tub.
4. The female manager doesn't know any of this.
5. The bikini is very small.
The story was told to me by the female manager, who added that the bikini was yellow and she was horrified to discover that when she got into the water, it went almost completely transparent.
I did not enquire how the story ended.
I feel like I might have written this before :)
"Hello lovely new potential customer, we operate a menu-pricing system for these types of enquiries that allow us to comply with our legal obligations and you to receive the best possible advice. Your situation may not be as simple as it first appears, so it will be risky for your position with HMRC for me to make any recommendation on the basis of the limited information you've provided. I will be happy to advise you just as soon as you've accepted the terms in our engagement letter, and selected from our menu the service you desire. That way I can advise you properly, and you are covered by our insurance."
Having had contact for many years directly with the teams that manage central gov email and DNS systems I can tell you that it is very hard indeed to properly fake an @hmrc.gov.uk email address, so if that is indeed where it came from and is the reply-to address, then it is very likely legit.
Dear sweet Jesus, those poor b@st@rds
"will be in touch"
Do let us know how you get on with that. Actually, ask your children to let our children know as we'll all be long gone by then!
To my mind this is not far from invoice factoring, but without the financial risk. so..
"Hello lovely client, this is a service we offer to all our lovely customers under our menu pricing scheme [gotta love the menu pricing idea!]. We will be happy to chase invoices for you at the rate of £xx to start a chaser and yy% for each successful chase, with a minimum charge of £xx for each invoice chased. We will also be happy to advise techniques to reduce and minimise late payments and bad debts"
If it turns out to be a success, then go find yourself an apprentice and sell the service to everyone!